Offensive Driving Bitterness

We need to teach more people how to drive like this.

As amazing as it might seem, I was less old than I am now.  Also, as amazing as it might seem, I was also in much better shape. One of the most bitter things I ever experienced was the old metabolism betraying me, because I was just as lazy then as I am now, but back then I didn’t gain weight.

You might say it was because I played sports, but when I wasn’t playing sports, I was sitting on the couch not doing anything just like I do now.

My favorite sport was basketball, because of the creativity of it. You could pass behind the back, through your legs, no look or even pass like regular human beings and just straight to someone. The other thing about basketball I liked was being really good at defense, because it frustrated people. I’ve always been good at frustrating people. Ask my wife and family.

So the other day, I was driving by a car that was clearly for driver’s in training. I know that because it said “Driving in Training” on the side of the car. It also said, “Defensive Driving Course”. That got me to thinking, okay that is nice that they are teaching kids how to defensively drive, but why are they not teaching them both defensive and offensive driving?

If you are going to drive a Lambo, you need to learn to drive it offensively.

I mean, don’t we want our kids to be well rounded in their driving techniques? Just like in basketball, you need to be good at defense and offense driving to be a truly great player.

Where are the offensive driving skills courses? I know for a fact there are people out there that can. They keep bumping me, and tailgating me, and running through stoplights about 4 seconds AFTER they change. I know some people can do it.

But we need more offensive teachers to teach the rest of us how to be truly offensive in our driving. Actually, we need someone to teach how to be more offensive in all aspects of life.

As a truly offensive person, I could probably do it. But like I said before, I am getting older and I’m not able to truly be offensive as much as I used to be. We need to start training the younger generation to be better at being offensive.

Yeah, they are doing okay with their laziness, and entitlement, and their need to be seen on camera 24/7, but man they need a lot of work, not only at being more offensive, but driving people away. They are being blocked by an old nemesis called “political correctness”.

Our older generation, when given the free reign, could truly be offensive, but this generation is a little too easy at being offended. Let’s work on that. Let’s help them stop being so offended by every little word on the internet, I mean work on their offensive driving. Yeah, so…

Anyways, driving is gonna be a way of life so we should teach our children to be well rounded and not just drive defensively, but offensively. Because that is the only way to balance them and make them good drivers.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Offensive Ben

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18 thoughts on “Offensive Driving Bitterness

  1. The Lambo, that’d be me driving anything more powerful than I have now. That’s pretty much any vehicle since I drive an Odyssey. My sis OTOH had a Impreza, now a Genesis! Guess who has kids.

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    • I’m guessing your sister? I had an Odyssey, which my wife loved until the stupid transmission failed and we had to go with buying a new car instead of buying a new transmission. So bitter about that car!

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  2. Or it would be nice to teach courteous driving. If everyone was courteous, defensive driving would be unnecessary. When everyone drive defensively and assumes everyone on the road is out to get them, no wonder they do the stupid things they do.

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