Bendependence Day

By being around other people all day.

Tomorrow in the U.S.A., it is one of our biggest holidays, so much so that they don’t let us have an entire week off, but just one day. The best part is that it is holiday where you are almost required to stay up late, because it doesn’t get dark until like 9:30 pm, and that’s when the real fireworks happen (literally fireworks).

So then you stay up way late and have to be at work the next day. It’s really kind of dumb. Most people are smart enough, or have a stable enough job to either take the day before and after off. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve never had either of those days off, either because greedy co-workers steal the holiday days around it, or I can’t because of reasons. Anyways, it ends up just like all of the other firework holidays (okay maybe the one other New Year’s Eve), where staying up late just makes for a long day the next day.

The worst part of the holiday is that it isn’t independent at all. In fact, really it is more of what I would call Interdependent. What are the Independence day traditions? There is almost always a parade. Parades include not only other people, but millions of other people, floats, horses and their poop. What else? Barbecues, which probably include a whole bunch of other people. Probably tons of them that you don’t know. How about movies? People love their Holiday movies, also crowded, also with a bunch of other people.

That’s the kind of fireworks we should be doing.

And then there is the fireworks. As a thing, pretty cool. In a movie, they are the best thing. Essentially, there are colorful, legal, explosions. The problem is that they almost always demand an audience of people. So we have this whole holiday that we celebrate solely for our independence and all we do is depend on seeing other people.

I say to celebrate, we just close up those widows, lock all those doors and stay the heck inside. If someone wants to blow stuff up, that’s cool, just make sure no one else is around, so I can enjoy my explosions in peace.

That is Bendepence Day.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Explosion Day Ben

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24 thoughts on “Bendependence Day

  1. My wife and two blind puppies enjoyed my pulled pork bbq, a Star Trek The Next Generation marathon before my puppies had to be held as WW III erupted around us. Does that make me more or less patriotic? Good Post.

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  2. I like fireworks but why must we continue exploding things into the following week? Do people think it’s okay to just randomly blow crap up for no apparent reason after July 4th has passed? Yeah, I’m bitter.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Totally. I was just thinking how it would make more sense if places of business gave everybody the 5th off. I mean, the jobs are the ones who have to deal with a ton of sleepy, hungover employees.

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  4. I’m in! We’ve turned down an invitation to go sit outside at a BBQ, bc why would we want to sit outside? Plus, my husband finally gets a day off work and we don’t want to spend that valuable time around anyone else

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  5. The worse thing is it is on TUESDAY this year. Half the working world (you excluded) had to use a day of their vacation leave on Monday. You actually worked on Monday? NO! If you go in to work, at least have the decency to goof off and not do any actual work.

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