Giving up things for Lent…

/ bensbitterblog
Though I eat all day everyday anyways.

Though I eat all day everyday anyways.

How was all of your Fat Tuesdays? I’m not Catholic and I don’t go to Mardi Grass, but I’ve heard that you are supposed to give up things for Lent.

Yes, this sounds like a fabulous idea. I have lots of things to give up. In fact, I have a whole garageful. I would really appreciate it if you would all come pick it up because I’m really busy on the couch giving things up. Things like stepping, moving and doing things. I’m going to work really hard on not working hard, and I hope you will all support me in my sacrifice. Some of you may suffer, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make. (Semi-quote or “paraphrase” that you people like to call it from Prince Farquad in Shrek)

In all jokingness though, there are a few things I would like to give up for Lent. It isn’t chocolate, or social media, or fast food. I’m giving up things that are way more important.

The first thing I’m giving up is trying. Trying has always been something that people think is going to lead you to success or wealth or honors in DECA. But they are wrong. I’ve tried like three times, and not one of those times has anything ever come of it. One time I tried to build the Taj Mahal out of Legos. I’m still trying to connect a yellow brick with a red one, and they don’t really seem to be sticking together. And for some reason, people tell me that neither red or yellow are colors of the Taj Mahal. Then the Lego Movie came out and I saw how good those master builders where and even they couldn’t build the Taj Mahal. Like I’m going to be able to? Failure #1.

My Taj Majal.

My Taj Majal.

The second time I tried was learning how to tie shoe laces. It was a massive effort that my parents kept trying to teach me. In fact, I tried for a whole 5 minutes before I gave up last year. I guess it’s true that you can’t teach an old bitter guy new tricks. Or is it cats? I can never remember the saying.

Failure #3 was when I was tried to run for President when I was 13. I was told you had to be at least 35 years old, competent, and know things.  Then, we were in gym class and there was the Presidential Fitness award thing where we had to get like 35 push ups in a minute, 11 pull ups and run the mile in under 10 minutes and I was like if I have to exercise in order to be the president, I’m out.

Since I’ve never seen results from trying those three times, I will gladly give it up for 40 days, 40 nights and even 40 afternoons. And I may even give it up after that. I haven’t really thought this through.

The job search in going swimmingly.

The job search is going swimmingly.

The second thing I’m going to do is give up job searching. I know that is along the same lines as not trying, but they say you should be more specific with your goals. I don’t normally get specific with things, but in the spirit of lent, I’m going to do it. And by do it, I mean not do it. Not look for jobs, because I’m not very good at hide and seek anyways. I’ve never really found a job, I’ve only tagged ones that just gave up and stopped hiding because they were tired of hiding and had to go home. So they came to base and just said I could work for them. So kind.

Alright, so those are the things that I’m sacrificing. How about you slackers? What big things are you going to give up? What unamazing things can we expect from you dingbats for the next 40 afternoons?

ARRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Lenticular Ben

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60 thoughts on “Giving up things for Lent…”

  1. My non-Catholic self has decided to give up working. Working is overrated. The costs totally outweigh the benefits. Money? Psh, who needs money? I certainly don’t. Not at the expense of my health and sanity! I am choosing unemployment instead.

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  3. Wellll…. I’m not Catholic, so I don’t have to give anything up. I think it’s a neat exercise though, especially with that carnival/hedonism deal at the end, which American Catholics strangely chose to abandon, part from the New Orleans set.

    Though… I did give up caffeine a week ago, out of nowhere, and absolutely LOVE caffeine. Maybe I can take it up again when Lent is over and say I was doing a sympathy Lent. You know, camaraderie.

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      • Oh, I’ve been around! Just settling in. The move went GREAT. Love my new house, new neighborhood, and am soooo glad it’s over.

        True. It’s always good to be able to give up things you don’t like anyway and feel like a team player at the same time 🙂

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        • It did! We sold and bought a house on the same day, right when we were about to give it up for the next year.

          I just wish the Bee would’ve thrown the blog in the print version! Of course, I’m not sure how big an overlap there is between newspaper and blog readers… many it’s a sign to try for more publications.

          You’ve got a solid blog following, though. I’m still plugging along, wondering how people get thousands of followers and a hundred likes 🙂

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        • I’m still plugging along too. Wondering what the heck to do with all the followers in order to make money doing this. And to be honest, most of the followers are long since dead blogs that followed years ago and no longer even remember what a blog is. Lots of fake ones. I really only have a handful of real people that actually follow and comment, etc. I would love to learn how to leverage all these followers into actual money.

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        • Oh man! Wish I could advise you but I’m still at the gathering followers stage.

          Too bad you can’t plug bitter products on your blog or giveaway free bitter stuff. That seems to be a niche.

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        • I keep running into bloggers that tell me that affiliate marketing is the way to go. I’m just trying to figure out how to do it and then I will at least give it a try. By the way, it is a shame you don’t have more followers. You have such a great writing style.

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        • Affiliate marketing, eh? Makes sense.

          I’m guessing that parenting blogs typically advertise different strollers or kid equipment. Maybe it would help if I wrote product reviews or talked about easy meals to make for kids. I’m more interested in telling funny stories, though. It would help to refine my niche.

          You’ve got the bitter theme going… maybe you could tap into grumpy cat or Dilbert-esque style corporate apathy. I should probably look into this better, being a terrible salesperson by nature.

          Thank you for your kind words about my writing style, though. I think it has improved with all the blogging practice.

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        • Yeah, you should look into finding some affiliates that work for your blog. And yeah, I think there is some sort of market for bitterness. Maybe bitter foods? Or Grumpy cat and Dilbert are some good ideas. Yeah, I’ve gotten better with practice too, but still have a long way to go too.

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  4. I didn’t give up things for Lent, I lent things I wanted to give up — like that birthday present I’ve hated since childhood but wouldn’t throw away just in case the giver came to visit. Carrots…broccoli…I lent those things out to people, too, with specific instructions to give them back to me when I’m dead.

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  8. I am (considering) giving up harbouring murderous thoughts towards people who try to kill me by force-feeding me chocolate Easter eggs (I swear it’s a conspiracy! I refuse to give in and die, though, so I’ll just show them I’m bigger than them – and will grow even bigger from Easter egg-obesity. I’ll eat the eggs and leave everyone alive. I feel so joyous).

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