I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. This one will probably take you a little time to process, but here goes. I’m Batman. Go ahead, gasp at your desk, or your phone or your Ipad. Okay, have you had a chance to breathe? Yes, I know it’s a little risky to tell you all this, but I’m doing it on this “Ben’s Bitter Blog” that some of you have been following for a quite a while. Let’s be honest, though. If I called it Bruce’s Bitter Blog you would probably mob this blog and crash the sight every time I put out a post. Because it is under the “disguise” of Ben’s Bitter Blog, it doesn’t exactly broadcast to the whole world. And think about this. If you all told people that you followed Batman on WordPress, they would all laugh in your face, so I’m pretty safe there. Besides, what do you think a billionaire like myself does in his spare time? I’m pretty much caged up “like a bat” (get it?) in my mansion all the time, because if I go outside during the day, I’ll be mobbed by adoring fans. And if I go out at night, I have to dress in my “night time costumes”.
Don’t believe me? Well consider this evidence why I am indisputably Batman.
1. I like the dark. I don’t get scared when someone turns off the lights.
2. I have a deep voice that kind of sounds gravelly. It was mostly because I had a cold and so you don’t mistake me with my real identity.
3. Ask my parents or my girlfriend Rachel Dawes. Oh wait, you can’t. But if you could they would tell you I’m Batman.
4. I hung upside down once. It really hurt and a lot of blood rushed to my head and I decided not to do it again after that, but that proves I am bat like in my body positioning.
5. I was in a cave once. It was dark and kind of cold(make sure you wear a jacket if you ever go caving) and all I had was a flashlight. I only got a little scared of the one tiny bat flying by in the distance. Cause I’m Batman.
6. Have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room at the same time? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Go ahead send me pictures if you have them.
7. I taught myself how to fight. I’ve been all around the house watching stuff on television and practicing my fighting moves on my son, and I almost always win. So maybe he beat me that one time, but I was trying to changing from my Batsuit to my casual clothes, and he attacked while I was facing the other way. He didn’t REALLY beat me.
8. I’ve got all kinds of Batgear. I can show you if you ever come over. Just ignore the Toys R Us price tag on there. I’ll get that off as soon as I get my Bat Sticker Removal Glove at Target.
9. The car I drive to work is totally a disguise. Unfortunately, with the gas prices the way they are these days, I can’t exactly drive the Batmobile to work. It gets like 3 miles a gallon. And the manual locks and windows make me look “common” like the rest of you.
10. I’m really bitter. You’d be bitter if you were a billionaire and all these wierdos kept attacking you and your parents died when you were young. And Gotham kept thinking you were a villain.
11. I’m a mystery. Where do you think I go everyday for lunch for an hour? Do you really think I go to the library and write? Nope I’m out fighting high prices at department stores. Where do you think I go at 3:30 pm every day? I don’t get home until 4:30 pm. I’m fighting traffic.
Speaking of mystery, I have to go. I’m so busy doing stuff, that you may not hear anything from me for like 24 hours or so. Just get used to not seeing me whenever you feel like it. Right now I’m off to fight boredom. Cause I’m Batman!
Bitter Batman Ben