I thought at some point I would stop learning things because my body is pretty lazy. I figured my mind would start retiring from learning too. But no, my mind had to go and be all ambitious and pull up a fact that I hadn’t really learned in 40 years of existing on earth. Luckily it wasn’t life changing or mind bending, because that would just hurt and cause so much work that I am just not prepared for. So here is the fact that my increasingly lazy mind came up with. There is a debate going on between whether things should be crunchy or not crunchy.
In the peanut bitter world, there has been a great debate between crunchy and creamy ever since Mr. Peanut invented Peanut Butter. It happened long ago when he was a young carefree spirit name Peanut. In high school, at Ingredient High he didn’t quite fit in with the other nuts. He wore thick dark glasses, a baseball hat to hide his greasy hair, a watch, and some old tattered shoes. Butter, his best friend was always melting whenever the situations got too intense. One day the other peanuts were bullying his friend Butter against the toasted walls of the school, but it was too cold, so butter wasn’t able to melt onto the toast. They kept trying to spread him on the toast but he just kept ripping the Bread walls. Peanut had seen enough and tried to get involved. He tried to get the bullies off but someone hit him in the face and smashed one side of his glasses. They also took out one of his legs and broke his watch. His eye was all swollen and started dripping. When all the bullies went away he rubbed the stuff off his face. It tasted delicious. He had his aha moment that night. He got a contact for his left eye, used a cane to walk for his injured leg, and got a top hat to cover his hair. He also got a stopwatch in the place of his broken watch. When he went to school the next day, he took the sample from his swollen eye to the chemistry lab to replicate this “peanut butter” and someone thought he was the teacher and called him Mr. Peanut. He decided from that day forward he would perfect this formula while pretending to teach chemistry. It took him two days to perfect the formula, and the rest was history. However, because he couldn’t decide on whether to do creamy or crunchy, he was ousted by a couple guys named Skippy and Jiff. They made both kinds. They left it for the consumer to decided. I chose correctly. Crunchy.
Right about that same time, on the plains of Africa there was a super cool, super fast Cheetah that was quite athletic and fast and everyone loved him. His father was a world class Cheetah that had gone to the Cheetah Olympics (not to be confused with our cheeter Olympics) and had all the makings of a superstar Cheetathlete. He was naturally talented and it came easily. But Chester had a secret. He didn’t want to be a Cheetathlete. He loved cooking. He loved cheese especially. He had to do it in secret though because his parents would never let him each cheese. It would slow him down and interfere with his training. One day, he was cooking and had an accidental cheese explosion. He quickly tried to clean it up before his parents came home. He had almost everything cleaned except for two pieces of cheese that were caked on. Just as his parents walked through the door he hid the two pieces behind his back. He told them that he was just heading off to his training but really he went to his shed in their backyard. It was there that he tasted the two pieces. One was puffed up and almost air like and the other super crunchy. It wasn’t until years later, but this was the day that Chester Cheetah invented Cheetos.
There was also a guy that invented Hershey’s. His bars were plain. There was someone who invented Crunch Bars. They are crunchy. I prefer the Crunch Bars. Because they are crunchy. And not all plainy.
The Great Debate rages on. Which side will you choose? The plain or the right one, crunchy? Because the plain side can’t even decide on a name.
Bitter Crunchy Ben