As the rise in popularity of comic book movies like the Green Lantern, Daredevil and Ghost Rider, bitter debates have naturally occured between the different heroes and superheroes. Blogs, Facebook and Twitter are aflutter about the merits of what hero is better at what. Who is more devil-like, Daredevil or Ghost Rider? Who is greener, Green Lantern or the Hulk? Far off in an obscure corner of superhero debatedom is two of the most insignificant heroes toiling away in obscurity. The generically named Superman and Batman. Somehow, a movie featuring these little-known “heroes” got greenlit by some spoiled brat producer, who is only a producer because his dad has fat stacks of cash inside his Scrooge McDuck vault. Seeing that he had no more islands to waste his money on, he decided to plunge $200 million into this sinkhole of a franchise.
To me, the only merits of these two superheros is the ideals they represent. Both are introverts that like to avoid crowds and wear costumes because of how ordinary they are. They really only dress up so they can disperse crowds. As we all know, the weaknesses of introverts is crowds, people that like to incessantly babble at parties and confrontation. Is it any wonder the Bruce Wayne tries to end parties because there is an “emergency” somewhere? Why does Clark Kent always seem to be gone whenever some sort of “confrontation”? The reason why I like Superman more? Because he is much better at creating space.
In the real estate we call personal space (the amount of space where a person feels comfortable with another person), some people are comfortable in a 10 sq. foot trunk of a Cadillac shared with 20 people. On the other end of the spectrum is me, where I can barely handle one other person on my Montana sized ranch. If you are not in my immediate family, or have not received an embossed and engraven invitation you better step off the ranch because my security, called The Evil Eye Body Language guards will escort you from the premises. If you are not well versed in body language, I will call my interpreters over called, “I’ve got to get an appetizer,” and they will be more than happy to tell you to go away.
Let’s be realistic here. We live in a place called earth with only 7 billion other people. Some may say that this world is way overpopulated and they would be right because I can only tolerate about .0000001% of you, and I know you can’t tolerate me, but come on. Some cities may be overcrowded, but I grew up in a place called South Dakota. It may be cold there, but there is 77,184 sq. miles of space there (give or take 77,000 miles) and I’m pretty sure humans only take about 7 of those. That leaves a heck of a lot of space for the extroverts to gather. And if you still can’t find any space available on land, there is a whole lot more under the ocean. Just ask Ariel if there is overcrowding under there. Grow a set of gills for goodness sake.
If you extroverts need to be near people, that’s fine, gather yourselves in one big community fraternity/maternity hall and talk to your eyes fall out, enjoy your Black Friday riots, and your holiday parties. Heck, we will give you a small city in the middle of South Dakota, where you can talk about the weather all day, which will ironically keep your temperatures warm. All I know is that you all need to spread out because I need some space. Cause if you don’t, me and the Supes are going to have to fly off into our seperate corners of the universe in order to get some peace, quiet and video games playing.
You Bitter “Give me Some Space” Ben
- A Guide To Understanding Introverts (lifehack.org)
- Understanding Introverts (saywhagain.wordpress.com)
- Personal space? What personal space? (pinkgis.com)