You'd probably shocked to know that there was a time in my life where there was a lapse in my game playing. I call that phase of my life the dark ages, between the ages of 18 and 26, where I pretended to be responsible and grown up. Ironically, the event that brought the light … Continue reading Bitter Nominative Determinism BFG’s
comedy
Grinding the Gears BFG’s
Many people wonder about the precise moment when they transformed from being a kid to becoming an adult. Some (my son) think it happens like magic, the moment they turn 18. Others think it's the moment they abandon their parents and move out, thinking the grass of adulthood is greener like money, while realizing it's … Continue reading Grinding the Gears BFG’s
Jack Rebooted Thugs BFG’s
When I was in college, I had one of the worst two weeks of my life. It all started with "the accident" on my way home from the movie theater. I was going through my totally legal yellow light, while some kids were going through their totally "illegal" red light. They ended up T-boning and … Continue reading Jack Rebooted Thugs BFG’s
PokéBen Evolution BFG’s
Last week I talked about my horrible luck in finding jobs, because of my horrible resume, bad interviewing skills and hard to be around personality. Unfortunately, this lead to me desperately taking some awful jobs just so I could afford to surround myself with four walls and a place to put my pillowhead and food … Continue reading PokéBen Evolution BFG’s
Head Resume Bitterness BFG’s
My revulsion for job applications dates all the way back to the early 70's, IE the early days of me. I realized my parents didn't love me when I applied to be my parent's least favorite child and they roundly rejected my application. They used a sophisticated rejection software called crumpling up the paper and … Continue reading Head Resume Bitterness BFG’s
Word Count BFG’s
I asked Gemini what the average number of words men speak per day vs how many women speak per day. Gemini cracked back with a bit of attitude and said that the differences of words per day used by men and women being very different was debunked by scientific research. Further, Gemini claimed that men … Continue reading Word Count BFG’s
Unstable Network BFG’s
I was born in California to a really old guy named my dad, and a really nice young lady I nicknamed mom. I don't remember much from that first year, other than crying a lot and pretending that I was too weak to change my own diaper. We lived on this street called Sunny Slope … Continue reading Unstable Network BFG’s
52 Reasons why I’m Bitter
What can I say about the number 52? According to Wikipedia, the most reliable source on the planet, 52 is: A composite number, a square prime, the 5th bell number, within an aliquot sequence of seven composite numbers and untouchable number a noncototient a vertically symmetrical number the number of cards in a standard deck … Continue reading 52 Reasons why I’m Bitter
The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
The days are getting darker and darker, which as you know, means that it is almost Christmas. The celebration of the birth of Jesus. Which is funny because we know he wasn't actually born in December. He was actually born in the spring. The reason why the Holiday Committee moved Christmas to December is because … Continue reading The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
Cluster Bombs
The biggest reason for bitterness of all time is traffic. I'm so bitter that I've spent 25% of my life sitting in a slow-moving, four-wheel metal container for hours next to raging psychopaths that were one accident removed from going Simpson's Road Rage on someone. It's a dangerous place out there, and one I've spent … Continue reading Cluster Bombs
Keystone BFG’s
When I was 21 years old, I just got home from serving a mission for my church, and I was looking for a summer job, so I could have some money for college. I didn't want to work at Little Caesar's for the minimum wage of $2.75 anymore, so I found a job at a … Continue reading Keystone BFG’s
Live Streaming BFG’s
I'm going to sound like a bitter old man here, which I am, but back in my day, when we wanted to the whole world to see us, to be famous, we had to get famous by getting on TV or making it big on the radio. To get famous enough to be on TV, … Continue reading Live Streaming BFG’s
Making Footprints BFG’s
I was today years old when I realized that I've lived in not one, but two places that had forests on the property. When I was 6-8 years old, we lived in Long Island, NY, in a house that had a forest in the back yard. I'd like to say that I explored that forest … Continue reading Making Footprints BFG’s
Reading the Room BFG’s
People always tell me that if you want to be a good writer, you should read a lot. Reading helps a lot because you can model your writing after someone, or you can learn new techniques when you read a lot. I wish I could read more, because I love a good book. But for … Continue reading Reading the Room BFG’s
Muckduck BFG’s
"R is the most menacing sound. That's why they call it murder, not muckduck." - Dwight K. Shrute, poet laureate. It is absolutely shocking to me that the sixth commandment, "Thou shalt not kill," which I look at as the most obvious sin against humanity, is so fascinating to humans. If you think about it, … Continue reading Muckduck BFG’s
Bitter Trance BFG’s
I'm one of those people like Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison that doesn't like sleep that much. The difference being that I've found a way to make those waking hours much less efficient by inventing nothing. I've always been a night owl because I get FOMVG, which of course means, Fear of … Continue reading Bitter Trance BFG’s
Storage Unit Madness BFG’s
There was a show on TLC called Storage Wars. It was a horribly annoying show about a group of about 5 or 6 people that would bid on storage units that had been abandoned by people. Audiences were intrigued by it for several reasons, I suppose. Some seemed to like the drama between the characters … Continue reading Storage Unit Madness BFG’s
Bitter Coating
Editors Note: You probably missed the Bitter Friday Giftures on Friday. Well, sometimes people celebrate the Independence of their country once a year. Sheesh, can you give a bitter guy a break once in a while? This is what I would have posted about if I was actually near a computer that day. Except for … Continue reading Bitter Coating
Plug in Charging BFG’s
Yesterday, I had a flashback to my not so glory days in Seattle. It was the middle of the day, and I was behind on some work I was supposed to be doing. Most of the time I'm behind, because I'm lazy, but this time it was someone else's fault. When I get behind on … Continue reading Plug in Charging BFG’s
How do you sleep at night BFGs
I guess my parents didn't like me that much, because when I was only 8 years old, they sent me off to this pre-military school called the Scouting program. Every single week we had to attend these meeting where they would stick us in these tan prison uniforms and make us learn all these useful … Continue reading How do you sleep at night BFGs
Ben's Bitter Blog 