My kids will never know a world where texting doesn't exist. The first time I tried to text was a pretty awful experience. I had the basic-est of phones, a silver, rectangular Nokia that only had a tiny screen and a number pad. People kept telling me that you could type words that made sentences … Continue reading Family Text Chain BFG’s
Bitterness
Chapter 11 BFG’s
I don't know if many people know this, but I've been writing a book for about 20 years now, and when it is published, it will change the industry. First, I will self-publish, and I'll sell a couple copies to my parents, make my kids buy it (for all the misery they've caused me) and … Continue reading Chapter 11 BFG’s
Join My Cult BFG’s
I've had a long and storied history with Netflix. Unlike my kids, I was born before the existence of Netflix. The only way I was able to watch movies was in a theater. Technology moved fast though and as I grew up, Blockbuster and other video stores allowed us to rent movies after they came … Continue reading Join My Cult BFG’s
The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
The days are getting darker and darker, which as you know, means that it is almost Christmas. The celebration of the birth of Jesus. Which is funny because we know he wasn't actually born in December. He was actually born in the spring. The reason why the Holiday Committee moved Christmas to December is because … Continue reading The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
Hibernation BFG’s
When I first moved to South Dakota in June of 1981, we lived in a hotel for three months while our house was being built. Living in a hotel for three months was awesome for a bitter 8-year-old. My dad's company paid for everything, so we got to eat breakfast at the hotel every morning. … Continue reading Hibernation BFG’s
It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Every year since I've started to write, there's been this NaNoWriMO thing hovering over me, telling me to write 50,000 words in a month. As much fun as it sounds to write that many words, (which I might actually do with my blog and book combined), I don't know how in the world they expect … Continue reading It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Cluster Bombs
The biggest reason for bitterness of all time is traffic. I'm so bitter that I've spent 25% of my life sitting in a slow-moving, four-wheel metal container for hours next to raging psychopaths that were one accident removed from going Simpson's Road Rage on someone. It's a dangerous place out there, and one I've spent … Continue reading Cluster Bombs
Game Hooks BFG’s
Last night was probably the best Halloween ever. After work, I went home expecting to have to hand out free candy to a bunch of brats that didn't deserve it. I heard the first doorbell ring of the night, and my wife was on the phone. She quickly told me that she didn't buy any … Continue reading Game Hooks BFG’s
I’m walking for President BFG’s
I've never been a big Halloween guy. Even the best part about Halloween, the candy, was ruined by Halloween. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Before Halloween, the world was filled with full sized candy bars as far as the eye could see. But then Halloween got this horrible idea to ruin candy, by … Continue reading I’m walking for President BFG’s
Landlord BFG’s
My son had a pretty great game last night in his football game. He plays defensive end which means that he is supposed to eat quarterbacks for breakfast. I wish he would eat more quarterbacks for breakfast, because then he wouldn't eat out as much at expensive fast-food places. His team was losing most of … Continue reading Landlord BFG’s
Reading the Room BFG’s
People always tell me that if you want to be a good writer, you should read a lot. Reading helps a lot because you can model your writing after someone, or you can learn new techniques when you read a lot. I wish I could read more, because I love a good book. But for … Continue reading Reading the Room BFG’s
Snapshots and Soundbites BFG’s
It was always ridiculous for me to think that I could have an effect on the world. I grew up with the delusion that I would be able to change the world. When I turned 30 or so I realized that it just wasn't going to happen. When I realized that, I just gave up … Continue reading Snapshots and Soundbites BFG’s
Musical Chairs BFG’s
A few weeks ago, we were watching the movie, Young Woman and the Sea, which is about the first girl to swim the English Channel. I wasn't aware that people could swim channels, but I knew they could surf channels. When I surf channels, I like to surf the ESPN channel. Mostly because I like … Continue reading Musical Chairs BFG’s
Donut ever do this to me BFG’s
It seems like centuries ago, but my 30th birthday was on a Friday and my wife graciously said that she would pick me up right after work, so we could go to a movie. I was excited to go to a movie, but it was a little odd that my wife wanted to pick me … Continue reading Donut ever do this to me BFG’s
Bitter Successor to the Empire BFG’s
Not a lot of people can tell you where they were on this day 20 years ago on this very day of July 19th, 2004. There was no historical moment to mark the day, but I can tell exactly where I was, what I was doing and how my eventual successor made herself known to … Continue reading Bitter Successor to the Empire BFG’s
Storage Unit Madness BFG’s
There was a show on TLC called Storage Wars. It was a horribly annoying show about a group of about 5 or 6 people that would bid on storage units that had been abandoned by people. Audiences were intrigued by it for several reasons, I suppose. Some seemed to like the drama between the characters … Continue reading Storage Unit Madness BFG’s
How do you sleep at night BFGs
I guess my parents didn't like me that much, because when I was only 8 years old, they sent me off to this pre-military school called the Scouting program. Every single week we had to attend these meeting where they would stick us in these tan prison uniforms and make us learn all these useful … Continue reading How do you sleep at night BFGs
Keeping Safe in Dive Bombing Season BFG’s
I was watching that Kevin Hart and Bryan Cranston movie the other day. It was the movie about the really rich guy that was a quadriplegic and a guy that takes care of him. At first, Kevin Hart's character is just trying to get a signature so he can say he's looking for a job … Continue reading Keeping Safe in Dive Bombing Season BFG’s
Keywords are Key BFG’s
I never had a treehouse in my backyard growing up, but I always wished I would have. We had a forest in my backyard in New York, but unfortunately, I wasn't blessed with the skills to build things and my parents weren't the kind of people that built stuff either. The allure of a treehouse … Continue reading Keywords are Key BFG’s
Cohort BFG’s
For most of my life, I've played video games. I still remember the day, in the late 70's, when I went to this little strip mall where my mom bought me bought my first pair of Hulk Underoos. I couldn't have been much older than 7, but there was this little electronics store that showed … Continue reading Cohort BFG’s
Ben's Bitter Blog 