When I was only 6 or 7 years old, I remember watching a horrible TV movie about a spider invasion. A little girl was on a swing and horde of Tarantula's were crawling just underneath her swing. Clearly, it had a impact on me enough to remember it, but surprisingly, it didn't scar me for … Continue reading The Invasion of the Midges BFG’s
Bitterness
Manipulation Techniques BFG’s
Hey everyone, I know no one really cares, because my stats have been down since 2018, and my blog is so underground that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles can find it, but right now, I am writing you from distant past (Thursday). Let's be honest, lately this blog has been much like a Twitter/X account … Continue reading Manipulation Techniques BFG’s
Vacation Request BFG’s
Three years ago, I went to Scotland and became a Scottish Lord. I didn't know that part of becoming a Scottish Lord, was all these Scottish Lord responsibilities. As a Scottish Lord, you are taken on a tour of the country, in which you must to visit all these historical royal castles and palaces, and … Continue reading Vacation Request BFG’s
After Math BFG’s
When I was living in Long Island, New York, I have a core memory of a particular day at school. One of my co-students got sick with this mysterious disease that freaked everyone's parents. All the parents decided that they wouldn't let their kids go to school the next day, because reasons I guess. I'm … Continue reading After Math BFG’s
Industry Plant BFG’s
For some reason, there are people in this world that like to garden. Some say it's because they like to get fresh vegetables from their garden. Others say it's because they like digging in dirt. Still others say they it's their therapy, or their way of relaxing. I have counterpoints to each of those terrible … Continue reading Industry Plant BFG’s
Soft as the Other Side of the Pillow BFG’s
Most of my opinions are unpopular, but this is one that most people oppose. I like Monday's waaaay better than I like Tuesday's or even Wednesday's. I've talked about this before, but it was 13 years ago when I started this blog, so I think I can duplicate an opinion every once in a while. … Continue reading Soft as the Other Side of the Pillow BFG’s
Family Text Chain BFG’s
My kids will never know a world where texting doesn't exist. The first time I tried to text was a pretty awful experience. I had the basic-est of phones, a silver, rectangular Nokia that only had a tiny screen and a number pad. People kept telling me that you could type words that made sentences … Continue reading Family Text Chain BFG’s
Chapter 11 BFG’s
I don't know if many people know this, but I've been writing a book for about 20 years now, and when it is published, it will change the industry. First, I will self-publish, and I'll sell a couple copies to my parents, make my kids buy it (for all the misery they've caused me) and … Continue reading Chapter 11 BFG’s
Join My Cult BFG’s
I've had a long and storied history with Netflix. Unlike my kids, I was born before the existence of Netflix. The only way I was able to watch movies was in a theater. Technology moved fast though and as I grew up, Blockbuster and other video stores allowed us to rent movies after they came … Continue reading Join My Cult BFG’s
The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
The days are getting darker and darker, which as you know, means that it is almost Christmas. The celebration of the birth of Jesus. Which is funny because we know he wasn't actually born in December. He was actually born in the spring. The reason why the Holiday Committee moved Christmas to December is because … Continue reading The Bitter Holiday Committee BFG’s
Hibernation BFG’s
When I first moved to South Dakota in June of 1981, we lived in a hotel for three months while our house was being built. Living in a hotel for three months was awesome for a bitter 8-year-old. My dad's company paid for everything, so we got to eat breakfast at the hotel every morning. … Continue reading Hibernation BFG’s
It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Every year since I've started to write, there's been this NaNoWriMO thing hovering over me, telling me to write 50,000 words in a month. As much fun as it sounds to write that many words, (which I might actually do with my blog and book combined), I don't know how in the world they expect … Continue reading It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Cluster Bombs
The biggest reason for bitterness of all time is traffic. I'm so bitter that I've spent 25% of my life sitting in a slow-moving, four-wheel metal container for hours next to raging psychopaths that were one accident removed from going Simpson's Road Rage on someone. It's a dangerous place out there, and one I've spent … Continue reading Cluster Bombs
Game Hooks BFG’s
Last night was probably the best Halloween ever. After work, I went home expecting to have to hand out free candy to a bunch of brats that didn't deserve it. I heard the first doorbell ring of the night, and my wife was on the phone. She quickly told me that she didn't buy any … Continue reading Game Hooks BFG’s
I’m walking for President BFG’s
I've never been a big Halloween guy. Even the best part about Halloween, the candy, was ruined by Halloween. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Before Halloween, the world was filled with full sized candy bars as far as the eye could see. But then Halloween got this horrible idea to ruin candy, by … Continue reading I’m walking for President BFG’s
Landlord BFG’s
My son had a pretty great game last night in his football game. He plays defensive end which means that he is supposed to eat quarterbacks for breakfast. I wish he would eat more quarterbacks for breakfast, because then he wouldn't eat out as much at expensive fast-food places. His team was losing most of … Continue reading Landlord BFG’s
Reading the Room BFG’s
People always tell me that if you want to be a good writer, you should read a lot. Reading helps a lot because you can model your writing after someone, or you can learn new techniques when you read a lot. I wish I could read more, because I love a good book. But for … Continue reading Reading the Room BFG’s
Snapshots and Soundbites BFG’s
It was always ridiculous for me to think that I could have an effect on the world. I grew up with the delusion that I would be able to change the world. When I turned 30 or so I realized that it just wasn't going to happen. When I realized that, I just gave up … Continue reading Snapshots and Soundbites BFG’s
Musical Chairs BFG’s
A few weeks ago, we were watching the movie, Young Woman and the Sea, which is about the first girl to swim the English Channel. I wasn't aware that people could swim channels, but I knew they could surf channels. When I surf channels, I like to surf the ESPN channel. Mostly because I like … Continue reading Musical Chairs BFG’s
Donut ever do this to me BFG’s
It seems like centuries ago, but my 30th birthday was on a Friday and my wife graciously said that she would pick me up right after work, so we could go to a movie. I was excited to go to a movie, but it was a little odd that my wife wanted to pick me … Continue reading Donut ever do this to me BFG’s
Ben's Bitter Blog 