Coming soon! Since I don’t like to think or do much on the weekends, I have decided to do a feature on the weekends (that is Saturday or Sunday for people that don’t know) dedicated to reviewing things that make me bitter. It could be a movie I slept through, a TV show I barely watched while I was using my computer, or something outdoors I tried to avoid. It could be anything that I want to be bitter about so, keep on your toes, it could get crazy bitter up in here.
Since I don’t like to think or do much on the weekends(or any other day for that matter), I have decided to start a new feature on the weekends (that is Saturday or Sunday for people that don’t know) dedicated to reviewing things that make me bitter. It could be a movie I slept through, a TV show I watched while I was using my computer, or something outdoors I tried to avoid. It could be anything that I want to be bitter about so, keep on your toes, it could get a little crazy bitter up in here.
Today’s review is for a Kid’s Birthday party I attended because a kid the same size as mine changed from 5 to 6. It was an outdoor affair at a park that included horse rides, hot dogs and burgers, balloons, a Dark Knight pinata and lots of screaming kids. So, on to the review.
The venue: Being that it was an outdoor event, the expectations were that there would be coverings from the sun. That was true of everyone else, but for some reason the shade followed everyone else around, but not us. Also there was dust and dirt. How do you expect me to enjoy a party when I might get slightly dirty?
The food: I expected some 5 star food, but the menu consisted of some new experimental cuisine called hot dogs and hamburgers. Perhaps some fancier food like hot pockets or Mac n’ Cheese would have classed up the party a little. The dessert of cupcakes with frosting and a wrapper around the cupcake would have been much less work, had the wrapper not been included on the cupcake. A desert no no for me.
The entertainment: There were horses there and kids rode them, but I think they missed an obvious idea with the horses. Perhaps an organized 60 minute polo match would have been appropriate. Not even a casual pick up match ensued. There was a Dark Knight Pinata there. It wasn’t as authentic as I was hoping though. If you know the Dark Knight like I do, you know that no matter how hard he is beaten with a “bat”(or large stick in this case) he would never bust open and spill his secrets. Clearly he wasn’t the real Dark Knight. Third thing was the balloons. There was a professional balloon guy making balloon animals and other things like guns and swords. I tried to use the laser guns on one of the kids and it didn’t even work, and the sword was not nearly as sharp as I was hoping.
The screaming kids: The only thing that lived up to its billing. This part of the party fully lived up to the hype. At any kid party, you expect this, and this party was no exception. In fact, the whining and crying were on par with any kid party I have ever been to.
Everything else: As a party that was farther away than next door, I expected limos with 60 inch TV’s and air conditioning to pick us up and was severely disappointed. All I was given was an address and a subtle, “Get there on your own” vibe. Thumbs down to the party planning committee on this one.
Overall: Only one expectation was met. Other than that, I think the party committee needs to step up their game if they want us to be bitterly disappointed next year.
Rating: 1 bitter rhubarb (out of 10)
Arrrggghhhh
Bitter Party Ben
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- Disney Princess Birthday Party Planner and Balloons Decoration in Lahore. (thebirthdayguru.wordpress.com)
- Kids birthday party (slideshare.net)
Hi Ben!
First, I love your site. It’s hilarious and it’s been great motivation for me to post more, so thank you! I had a quick question: Would you be open to guest bloggers contributing to your site? TV and movies are a couple of the things I write about on my site and I would love to contribute to your Bitter Reviews section, if possible. Thank you, Ben, and I look forward to hearing from you!
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Hey Typical Jenn, I’m glad you like my site. Not sure why because it is so bittery, but then again I don’t understand why anyone would read it.
Yes, of course, I am open to guest bloggers that want to contribute. It means I don’t have to write a post that day, and that is great because I’m so lazy. I’ll of course, give you a little shout out, because I like others getting a little play too. I am also starting to reblog people once a week on Saturdays, so if you have a post you want reblogged I can do that. I have someone this Saturday, but I can schedule you for the one after that if you want. Always glad to promote others when I get a chance.
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That would be awesome, thank you!! And I’ll definitely return the favor by reblogging some of your stuff. This weekend I’m getting caught up on American Horror Story so that’ll probably be my Monday post which I’ll send to you. Thank you so much again!
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That sounds good. I’ll definitely take a look at the post you send and I’ll either post it as guest post, or as a reblog. I haven’t watch American Horror Story, but I’ve heard it is good. Enjoy!
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Thank you!
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No trouble.
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OK, so I just posted my American Horror Story entry and it’s terrible because this season is awful. Like, they should’ve just skipped a season and started over next year. It’s kind of a bummer because I wrote about every episode last year, so they’ve screwed me out of some blog posts. Now I have to find some other Halloween-type shows to write about, which I was going to do anyway.
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Do you want me to post that one or do you want to wait until you have a different post? Or do you want to send me a post for a guest post. I can see how you could spin your bitterness about the AHS season being a total bummer. Think about it.
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Haha, well since the post sounds pretty bitter I guess we could post it. Thank you!!!!
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Actually, if you don’t mind, I have some sensitive eyes that read my posts, so could we edit it and make it a guest post?
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Sure! Anything in particular you would like me to remove?
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It’s really stupid and I hate to censor you, but can I just cut out the swears, or just say put asterisks through them? Then I could do it. Or if you prefer another post. Either way.
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No worries! I just updated it
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Thanks for understanding. I will blog it tomorrow.
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Thank you!!
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I just blogged it. Hope you get at least double the followers!
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What no keg?
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Nope, just other bitter things I decide to get annoyed by.
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Beer can be a pretty bitter beverage–too bad, would have fit in nicely with the theme of your blog.
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I don’t drink actually so I would be pretty bad at reviewing it.
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I was hoping someone would write a bitter review of my bands EP “Lost in Translation,” but everyone had nice things to say about it. Could I count on you to put us down and question out artistic choices?
http://bastardfriendly1.bandcamp.com/
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How about this for a bitter review: “I barely listened to any of this bands music, preferring to let my son’s video game music and the humming of the air conditioning to drown out the sound, so my bitter ears would not be able to hear it. Unfortunately, the sound cut through even the normally bad sounds of the most annoying sounds in the world. Lloyd Christmas’ “most annoying sound in the world”, cats meowing, Bieber talking, or the sound of peace and quiet in the wilderness. I wonder why this band would ever waste more than 1 second even considering music as even a hobby. Please do everyone, if you don’t want your ears to feel the equivalent sounds of a thousand bees stinging you in the eyeballs, don’t listen to this, don’t buy it and certainly don’t ever encourage this band of 3, or 4 or 5…or however many people they have in their band, to ever take up “music”. – Bitter Ben, reviewer of Ben’s Bitter Blog
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Perfect! Thanks!
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You probably had to pick the $2.03 and complimentary gum off the bottom of your shoes at the end of the day, too, I’m sure.
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Yep. And they made us pick the manure up after the horse. And they charged us for it.
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Outlaw parties!
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It was a really crappy party.
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Did they charge you seating and for the balloons?
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Of course they did. The balloons also gave me hives. I did get to sit in the cheap seats, but I had to pay $5.
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This is just too funny, Ben. Brilliant. Like your view in the shade. Zero new features, just love it. You don’t know how bitter I am about not visiting here beforehand. I’m so bitter, I’m bitter about my bitterness. (1 out of 10 bitter rhubarbs). My parents had a garden and they grew rhubarb in it, so I know just how bitter it is. I was bitter with them for the longest time for making me dig that garden. Eden. Hah! Love your site and keep up the bitterness. It’s just one fantastic idea that you have going here. Rob H.
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I plan on doing some more bitter reviews in the future. Probably this weekend, so look out for them.
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