I’m pretty sure the internet/blogosphere/Wordpress has learned to adjust to life without me, but I have not learned to adjust to life without it. Even though I have taken an involuntary break for 4 days without blogging which I would never do on purpose, my thoughts are never far from bitterness. Every little slight, or mistreatment or ounce of sweat that I had to go through, has been filed away in my little short term memory file to someday be used as a post. Unfortunately, my short term memory files stuff in the long term memory pretty fast and long term memory is kind of a jerk at letting me remember stuff. So I wrote a few things down and forgot a bunch of useless stuff like where my keys and wallet and phone are so I could free up some space for important blog post subjects like my move, my house sale and a couple of other posts that will bitter you up a little, but first and foremost, I have something to make up for and that is my Friday Giftures. I missed them because people kept distracting me with things like, “You need to pack this glass jar that we will never use into this 26 foot truck”, or “Quit swerving off the road so you much while trying to do your Friday Giftures!” and I didn’t really get it, but I stopped for “safety reasons” or something. Anyways, I finally have a second where people aren’t harassing me for some reason, and can finally give you Friday 3 days late. So you better appreciate these gifs while driving off the road or ignoring your lousy co-workers, or doing spit takes for a movie audition or something (I’m talking to you Rainn Wilson), or all this hard work will have been in vain (okay all my hard work ever is always in vain). Onto the giftures:
Let’s start out…
…like a falling star.
Then we can see if we can get things to go more…
…swimmingly.
And here we start fishing for…
…the fall collection.
And listen to some of our favorite…
…Dizzy Gillespie music.
And then when we get tired…
…we’ll just hit the wall and crash.
You know what this party needs…
…a little bump up in the music department.
Leave it to dad…
…to not let us burn down the house.
And to not even let us get…
…sleep in a little bit.
And some people haven’t even seen…
…what will happen at the surprise party.
We tried…
…but we just couldn’t have a ball.
So we did what we normally like to do…
…fall short of expectations.
And even on our expectations…
…we fell about 50 cents short.
So I’m glad to be back late once again, because nothing is better than falling short and being late at the same time. As long as I can get to an internet connection(that isn’t dial-up), I will be posting stuff, maybe late, but it’s bitter to be late about bitterness, than to not be bitter at all.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitterly Late Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Hahahaha Hillary’s face is just brilliant :’) Glad you chose to be later rather than just miss the post 😉 I don’t know what I’d do without your Friday giftures. Life would be so boring 😦
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I’m sure you would be just fine without bitter giftures, just like I probably would. That being said, it does make life a little more bitter.
And yes, Hillary’s face, kind of priceless.
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Where have you been, BEN? Thought you’d driven that U-Haul off the edge of the earth or something. And even if you only have dial-up, you better keep those bitter posts coming. BTW, Dad’s reflexes with that birthday cake were nothing short of amazing! 🙂
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Just been swept up in the whole moving thing. Living on the edge…of the earth and slowly trying to come back down. I hope to be able to get my landing gear on and find my way back to bitterness blogging.
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Swerving off the road…? Like it’s a big problem or something!! Sheesh! People can be so picky!
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Yeah, I don’t understand why people get so annoyed and honky all the time when I swerve off the road and run them over. I mean an important blog post was in the balance.
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Maybe you should put a sign in your window, Bitter Blogger On Board.
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Then they will drive more bitterly around me.
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Congrats on moving! I think 4 days off is good for the soul. Sure, I miss the bitter bite to my day but let’s be honest, sometimes tv wins. I’m back at it after taking a nice week off. Gosh, I feel rusty. You, on the other hand, nailed it Ben!
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I finally did it. Got away from those toxic people I worked with. And now I will just find another set of toxic people to be around so I will have many things to be bitter about. That will never stop.
And don’t ever stop doing the thing IG!
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