Back in 1998, I was a recent grad from college, working at my dream job of telemarketer, and I would get super bored between calls. Luckily, I had a Nintendo Game Boy and I had discovered this new game called Pokemon. It captured my imagination, because it was about being a 10 year old. A 10 year old who basically got the go ahead from his parents to obtain a Pokemon or “Pocket Monster” who would fight other Pokemon and they would level up and get stronger. When it first came out it was a big hit and no one thought about how disturbing it was for these crazy things to happen. But you know, it was a video game, and it was escapism. I continued to be enchanted by the whole “Gotta Catch Em All” theme and the evolution of the characters. If you worked with one more for a while, there was a chance that it would evolve and become a cooler and stronger Pokemon. My parents probably hoped that I would someday evolve too, but that is a different story that we will never talk about again.
Anyways, recently (about a week ago) an app came out called Pokemon Go, which for long time fans is kind of a cool thing. It’s basically the same premise as the original game, expect it is on your smartphone, which means you have GPS capabilities and a camera. So basically it wants you to go outside, and with your GPS, track the Pokemon down, “in real life”. Because of this, Pokemon is getting headlines for all the wrong reasons. Some people are so focused on catching these things that they are forgetting about their real life environment, and they are getting in dangerous situations.
There are some pretty great fake stories about how people are getting themselves in trouble. One fake story is about how some kid was trying to track down one in a dangerous area of his town, and he got mugged and beaten for his phone. Guess that guy was trying to catch em all. All the smartphones.
And another story about a kid who ran into the middle of a busy highway/freeway (whatever they call those things that cause traffic) and caused a massive pileup. The kid was just trying to be the best Pokemon trainer. Can you blame him for wanting to run into traffic? I mean he’s 10 years old. Clearly he’s old enough not only be left to his own devices, but to have his own device (a smartphone), and be granted permission by his family to play in traffic. Luckily that is fake, but there are some real stories too.
Like the Australian Police office that happens to be one of the locations of a Pokemon. So many people are coming into the police office looking for a Pokemon, that the police are having to issue a statement telling people that police work is going on there, so please don’t come inside and ask for the Pokemon, we need to work here. And they keep having to tell people that they can catch the Pokemon outside.
All these are dangerous things, but none more dangerous to me than one little word in title. The word Go. This implies moving. Getting up. Walking. Exercise. None of which are anything that I’m remotely interested in. In order to capture them, you have to move in real life. Gross. I’ve got a couch to think about. I’ve got a remote control that would feel neglected. I’ve got a fridge that needs some attention. And how can all these special things in my life get the attention they deserve, if I’m up. And moving and out capturing things.
You’ve gone too far Pokemon Go. I played almost every version of Pokemon. I spent hours and hours trying to catch them all. I’ve spent every last cent of my children’s inheritance on the game systems, the games, the accessories and every game just so I could catch them all. And this is what I get for my loyalty? A game where I have to move around? A game I can’t blame from the couch? A game I can’t play while in a car?
You’ve finally gone too far Pokemon. You finally got on the camel and placed an extra straw on it, causing the back of the camel to break. And along with that you broke my heart. How could you Pokemon? How could you betray me like this? Never again.
ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Bitter Lay on the Couch and Not Pokemon Go
The best comment I heard about Pokemon Go was that they should put them around polling stations in November to make sure young people vote. I can’t make up my mind whether this would be a good or bad thing??? 🙂
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The problem with putting up a lure for Pokemon is that people would come, but they probably wouldn’t vote, cause they would be so busy catching Pokemon.
The best story I heard was that a bunch of people at a Beiber concert were trying to catch Pokemon right where he was on stage and it was annoying him, because they weren’t paying attention to him.
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Now that is funny… 🙂
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Yeah, poor guy. No one’s paying attention to him. How is he going to be annoyed that people are bothering him?
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Don’t people like to sleep anymore? 🙂
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I know right? I like to sleep on the couch all the time.
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‘In order to capture them you have to move in real life. Gross’ <—this made me choke on my water.
Shared this in my posts of note today. 🙂
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Moving is kind of against everything I believe in.
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Well we need to stand (sit) for something right? 🙂
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Cause if you can’t stand for something you will sit for anythin…uh, I can’t remember.
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🙂
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I’m a bit bitter I didn’t think of this title for my Pokemon post today!
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I saw a few others that had titles that were a little more explicit but I think my title does the right amount of telling it off.
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PGFY comes to mind.
My daughter Bunkessa started playing, showed me the ap on her Android. The first thing I noticed was that there were a lot of dead people playing it in the cemetary near here. Pokemon Go Figure.
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Yeah, that sounds like the one that I was talking about. I assume that the Pokemon found in the cemeteries were ghost Pokemon?
Yeah, we were at a cemetery yesterday and decided to not look for them there.
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Snickers (and not the candy either)
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I like both. They really satisfy.
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Then both you shall have ! ☺
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Yes! I can’t wait for that chocolately goodness!
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Dark chocolate or milk 😋
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Dark chocolate of course, because it is more bitter.
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Like BEN!!! 😂 (YOU)
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Yes! That is me! Bitter just like dark chocolate.
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Like You ! 😂 ahaha love it
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I know right?
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Too funny Ben. You his had to start my days of with a glorious bang 😄
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You know me. Always trying to make bitter better.
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You sure do. 😉
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I’d comment on this blog, but I just spotted an Eevee in my kitchen, so I need to go and catch it. Be right back…
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Don’t blame you for wanting to catch an Eevee. That one can evolve into so many things.
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So how do you rate a pokemon chaser in front of your door? like do you hand out pokemon shaped pizza bits- or let them play other more reasonable video games? if so, more power to you. maybe you can still save a few of the human race with your bitterness. the game is so massively over-followed over here in germany, as I wrote in my blog, also Pokemon Go. Away. the server is down from six pm to seven am. yyyyyyeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
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It’s funny because I had another blogger tell me that their place of business had a Pokemon in it, so people kept coming around looking for it.
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Gotta love how our Aussie Police threw in a bit of road safety advice to all those obsessed Pokemoning Peeps. Gosh I love this wide vast land and all of us living here. (Wow, that sounded a tad nationalistic but my heartfelt pride comes mostly from the fact that on the whole, we are a pack of fun loving dags and drongos. Just a wee bit of Aussie slang there for you BB.)
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It is pretty awesome that the police dept has to start telling people to scram because they are screwing up actual police work. I know this sounds bad, but I can’t help thinking that they are working on a kangaroo related crime.
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Would it help the game along if I went around and started nailing up on trees that ridiculous Pokeman card collection I spent so much money on because my kid just had to have them, but which now just sits in my basement? I really hate those cards!
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It wouldn’t help me, because I’m not much of a leave the couch type of guy, but my kids? Well, they would go crazy nuts for them.
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Here, here. Bitter Ben for Bitter President!
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I will be glad to be the next nominee for Bitter President. This is the one that makes life miserable for the real president right>?
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I like the concept and it is fun, but it drains your phone battery. I think it’s fun, but sometimes it’s annoying because I will be walking and a Pokemon will pop up, but I have nowhere to get out of other people’s way which I would find rude if I were the other people. So….it kind of gives me anxiety.
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Exactly. The concept is amazing, and it seems like fun, but the anxiety of finding one in an area where there are lots of people? So strange. It would be fine if everyone would get out of your way so you could just catch them in peace.
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Haha! Exactly!
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They just need to hide them in obsure areas like forests and inside my house so I don’t have to venture outside so much.
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If they had a Pokemon in your house, I foresee Bitter Ben getting more bitter because people would be bugging him to get the Pokemon in his house. Although, it might give you pleasure to deny them.
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I could really use a rare Pokemon in my house right now. It might finally get people to our open house and maybe they will want to buy our freaking house that is for sale.
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Reblogged this on hotmessmemoir.com and commented:
From the always bitter and always hilarious Ben, enjoy this bitter take on Pomemon GO!
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Omg! My son and I drove around last night for 45 min, chasing nothing. We turned around in people’s driveways and ended up on a golf course. We were in another housing development driving around slowly like a creeper. People I’m sure debated on calling the police. Each time he would “see” one, I would slam on the breaks.
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Oh my gosh, my wife even told me to try down by out local lake and we did, but nothing. It’s kind of frustrating not being able to find anything. By the way, thanks so much for the reblog! It’s been a while since I got one of those!
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My pleasure! Awesome post! No…you need to keep trying just today…on my last day of work I might add, I found a jiggly something.
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Now that’s a sign that your life is getting better. As soon as you get away from the Nightmare. It’s called Jigglypuff. Little pink puffball that can sings and is annoying.
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Anything named Jigglypuff, is pink and can sing is definitely annoying.
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No joke. Especially when it has the power to make people fall asleep when it sings. Actually if he could do that to me now, then I would have an excuse to be sleeping under my desk today.
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Very good article sir.
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I appreciate it. Are you a Pokefan or just like reading about this craze that is going on?
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For Pokemon Go, here are your challenges to capture, names I swear I am not making up:
Axew (axe you, like lemme axe you a quetsion.)
Bagon (bag on, like i’m gonna get something at the liquor store with a bag on it)
Drowzee (just like it sounds, man, I’m feeling a little drowzee, think I’ll take a nap)
Exeggcutor, Exeggcute, Exploud (You better pick an Exeggcutor because I’m about to Exeggcute you, and when I do you’re not just gonna explode, you’re gonna Exp-loud)
I need to stop. My kids are too old for this crap and theyre doing it too. I guess killing off the Pokemon craze is as hard as it was back in the 80s to stop Haim Saban from starting a new Power Rangers series. (“These are seriously awful. What? Another one? NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”) I think to kill the pokemon you “gotta Ketchum all”.
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Oh my gosh, I can barely get a freaking Caterpie, and your asking me to get one of those? Not bloody likely. My challenge is to get one of the ice cream ones at an ice cream stand. Then eat it.
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So I literally went to the manager of my office building today and told her we were “Pokeman Go famous” because people were spotting “something Pokeman-related, but I have no idea what exactly or what the game is or if people actually see things or get things and if they do if only one person gets it — like geocaching or what.” That was pretty much the extent of my conversation except for her exclamations of joy about how “we’ve finally made it!” and how complete life is and stuff. I love discussing things way beyond my comprehension with people who think I’m brilliant because I do. I love how this is your topic of the day and how much bitter I now understand this phenomenon.
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So I guess you have a valuable Pokemon in your building. I wish our open house had a few Pokemons driving traffic toward our house. Unfortunately, we are not Pokemon Go famous like your building is.
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Wow! Philosophy Sophomores are going to be debating this for centuries. Question — if a video game moves you off of the couch is it still a video game?
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If they want to use this post as the manual for the book, that would be great. More views!
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Why can’t this app help you find useful things? Why not a “best price on ground beef” app or “free glass of wine GO?” I’d be all over that.
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That can happen. All you have to do is get the grocery stores to copy the app. Can you imagine the uproar if they put sales on and you had to fight for them with a bunch of other people with the app?
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Shopping would become a full-contact sport. The obesity epidemic would be largely eradicated. I’m the smartest person ever.
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And why wouldn’t shopping be better if it was a full contact sport. Can you imagine ESPN wanting to televise it?
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And the death match that would be securing corporate sponsorship for commercial breaks…
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Yet another thing ESPN could market.
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Yeah, having to move is bullcrap. Lol.
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Totally. If I play a game I want to be sitting on my butt. Exercise and video games don’t mix.
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We even tried the Wii and were like, “no, this isn’t working for me. If I wanted to fake play tennis, I’ll go outside, which I hate.” Hooray PS4!
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Exactly. The Wii did it’s best to get people to exercise, but in the end, real gamers just want to sit on their butts and shoot people.
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Since I was never a young boy and don’t like computer games, I know nothing about Pokémon. However, I have an entire box of little figures that someone said were Pokémon. My grandson played with them years ago. Do they work only with a download or what is the story? I don’t know what to do with them. Same story with dozens of Matchbox Cars.
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It’s an app on smartphones. Basically your phone is a tracker and you are trying to capture Pokemon. Nerdspeak for little bugs and animals.
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My son’s been going on and on about this Pokemon game for days now and every time he starts talking about it he just starts to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher…kind of like what happened while I was reading this blog.
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It’s good to see that you care about the interests of your son. Just so you know, he going to be going off on an adventure and you probably won’t see him for 8 months to a year. That’s all you really need to know.
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😆😆😆
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Huh? Did you say something?
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You’re just like the Pokemom in the game that kind of neglectfully let’s her son go on the adventure, because she doesn’t understand the Charlie Brown teacher talk.
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Yeah, he swears he said “bye mom! Be back at 3AM but I have no recollection…
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You should have listened to your Peanuts teacher talking son, and bitter blogger and you wouldn’t be searching for your son right now.
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Searching for who now??
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The Peanuts teacher. You know, the one that used to live with you, but just wandered out finding Pokemon?
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Yes, funny how she turned up again!
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She is a big part of your family.
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lmao, I’m lazy too 😁😁
pokemans in compton, must be pretty macabre hehe 😮
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It’s kind of funny that it is putting people in places they wouldn’t normally go. Like those people out at 3 am for no other reason.
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After making hobo shelters in Minecraft, wandering around Prospect Park @ 1am on a Friday seemed like a fun idea…
(true storey ^^)
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Yeah, my wife said we should go to the lake to find some and I couldn’t find them there. I like the idea, but the execution is pretty lacking so far.
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