Yes, all the interesting things about me.
Yes, I am aware that it is no longer August anymore. Do I look calendarly deficient to you? I am able to read a calendar. But everyone seems to be in such a celebration mode about it being September already when August on our calendar less than 7 hours ago (as of press time). Rah, Rah yeah its September, some will say. Let’s have a celebration because now fall can begin. Let’s celebrate the new school year (which by the way is my kid’s first day. I bet you can’t wait to check my Facebook and see their new outfits!), and let’s pound each other’s fist’s because football is finally back and the nerds can do their fantasy football, and the jocks can run into tackling dummies and the cheerleaders can stand in the freezing rain and cheer us to come to their annual car wash (yes, I would like to pay $20 toward your camp in exchange for a mediocrely done car wash that the rain is doing right now for free.)
And let’s begin the holiday quadrant of the year. Starting in September, we start getting actual holidays that give us the day off. Well, actually we don’t get Halloween off, even though according to some reports more money is spent for Halloween than any other holiday, including ***gasp*** Christmas. Things get cooler out, snow storms are coming soon, and more time with family, yeah! Less time to be lazy, yeah!
So before September takes over the monthly month duties, let’s look back at August, bitter August, because dwelling on the past is always the best thing to do. August is the Sunday night of months. You know Sunday night. It’s still part of the weekend. You aren’t hunched over your computer, looking at emails that you wish were accidentally deleted. You aren’t traveling from Lakeland, FL to Laredo, TX to give a presentation that nobody is listens to. You aren’t in a meeting about mandatory TPS reports.
But you are at home, still exhausted from all the things you did over the weekend, but regretting all the things you didn’t do. You didn’t take a long enough nap. You took out the garbage instead of laying on the couch that one time. You worked outside on your garden that no one is ever going to see, instead of watching that gardening show with your eyes closed. Yes, the Sunday night dread before a loooong work week ahead. Except the Sunday night dread, is extended for a whole month called August. The month before school starts.
For the parents…
And don’t say you don’t care about school starting because you have been out of school for 10 years. It doesn’t matter. If you have kids in school, you might as well be going to school yourself. You are doing their homework, making their lunches, hearing all about their tests every day, hearing all about their favorite new bullies, being their favorite person to talk about all their problems at school, or being their favorite person to avoid when they don’t get good grades. You have a teacher that keeps telling you about all the extra time you should be spending with your kids at home in math and reading that you don’t have time for and all of a sudden, not only are you doing your job, but you are back at school again. Fundraiser for this. Bake sale for that. School barbecue, school play, school soccer game, school bingo. And if you don’t have kids, you are still dealing with that heavily increased school traffic.
And August is there, the whole month, taunting you, giving you the pre-school (not preschool) anxiety. Hurry take one more vacation. Spend one more day out on an adventure. This is the last time you’re going to be able to do this, this summer. This is the last time you’ll get before school starts. Go buy school clothes, get those supplies, make sure everything is done OR YOU WILL FAIL….as a parent…as a student…
Let’s talk about our anxiety in a totally chill environment, bro.
August is that nervous buddy of yours that just wants you to be able to relax, come on over and “chill”. I’m still cool, it’s still summer, we can just hang out. But when you get there, all he wants to do is tell you about all his problems. He’s always worried about the future, and can never live in the present. I can see why they called that movie about the kid that saw music everywhere August Rush. Because despite the fact that August should be enjoyed as a month, because it is still summer, it is always in a “Rush” to get to September. No wonder he’s so bitter. Sorry, I gotta go now. It’s September.
…and your anxiety will be riddled.
ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter August Rushing Downs Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
August Rush? I’d forgotten August Rush–pressed it deep down into my subconscious repository of cinematic drivel, along with Simon Birch, Life is Beautiful, Once, and the entire panoply of maudlin sappiness. I’ll need a few months to recuperate.
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Yeah, August Rush only came back to memory because of the month. I don’t think I ever would have thought of it otherwise.
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One thing I am most bitter about is the fact that August is the Sunday of summer leaving you no time to really enjoy August itself – it’s possible August contributes to a large portion of the years’ bitterness
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Yep, August is pretty much the worst. I mean can we trust a month in the summer that has no holidays?
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My birthday is in August, so it isn’t all bad.
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So at least you get one holiday in August.
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Be bitter Ben but if there is any sympathy in that bitter ol’ heart think of me as here in Turkey we have been out of school since the first week of June and thanks to the powers that be they have just extended school holidays for another 3 weeks until the end of September. Bitter doesnt cover just how I feel right now.
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So your kids are just hanging out bothering you when they should be in school bothering the teachers? Yeah that sounds pretty bad.
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All my children are grown now, but I am still bitter about school starting. Now I have to slow down to 20 mph every 500 yards for school zones. These buses are everywhere because every single kid is now bussed to school.
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Yeah, school is always there to annoy you, no matter how young or old. Maybe some grandkids? Or annoying neighbors?
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I was already depressed and bitter enough; add on that it’s Tuesday and the beginning of a month and that was enough. But to grind those facts in along with wasting August… it’s well nigh diabolical.
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A Tuesday that is the first day of September is a pretty bitter day, especially when you are not walking straight.
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I’m bitter that August is over and I currently have no links to school in any way. I’m bitter that September is upon us because I have a bucketful of bitter deadlines that become all the bitterer as I add my salty tears of despair to the growing workload. I’m even more bitter now I have discovered that the bitterness of September isn’t one sucky month of work related hell but will bitterly extend to October and probably beyond as some sadistic gits keep giving me new deadlines but smugly say, ‘don’t worry I know your busy in September these aren’t due until October’, well thank you very much you bunch of insipient workmongering gits! Bah humbug! (although bitterly ranting has made me feel a little less bitter so you should probably add some further words to this bitter blog of yours soon to make sure no hint of residual happiness is allowed to survive).
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But even though you have no links to school, you do have all the little kids running in the streets and the buses getting in your way and learning taking up all the space.
And yeah August, September, October, while some people seem to like them, all they do is cause me work. And nothing is more bitter than work.
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Thanks for adding to the bitterness!
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That’s what I was put on the earth to do.
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Hahaha it is so true! I loved your analog of August being the sunday night of months. Great blog!
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It just occurred to me that we have that same sense of dread before going back to something we don’t want to, but is inevitable.
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Even though September means back to school for me and I’ll be having to deal with four classes, I don’t care! I’m so excited for September and fall. I’m definitely that annoying “rah, rah, rah it’s September” person!
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Don’t think that I get bitter about September any more than any other months. I despise them all the same. I’m glad you are in your happy place, uh happy month!
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Wow Ben, this was so philosophically beautiful in all it’s bitter mediocrity that I almost got a shiver up my spineless back. August IS the Sunday of month…and I DO have to go back to school every year even though I’ve been out of school for 50 years. You know, you should probably write or something.
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It sounds like you are trying to complement me, and I really don’t appreciate that. Though if I dig hard enough, I will find that insult that so comforts my bitterness.
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Seek and you shall find.
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I will find it. Unless I get tired and just lay on the couch.
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Sounds likely.
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And once I’m on the couch, I’ll just do a bitter news, or just take a nap. Yeah, nap.
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