Robot Revolution BFG’s

I’ve had a much longer and successful career as a Transformers fan than I will ever have in my human working career. My Transformers fandom started on September 17, 1984, when I watched the first episode of Transformer on our tiny 17 inch moving picture box. It changed the way I saw the world. Space wasn’t just 8 other planets, a sun and bunch of stars. Space contained a much more interesting planet called Cybertron that was run by robots. Optimus Prime and Megatron, leaders of the Autobots and Decepticons respectively, were in a war. In their weariness from their desperate fight for energy, they ended up crashing into a mountain on planet called Earth, but were so tired that they slept in the mountain for 4 million years.

I guess they were pretty tired.

When they woke up, they realized that Earth had a massive amount of energy that they could convert to Energon and then go back to Cyberton. As 10-100 foot tall robots, they realized they might stand out and be discovered, so they came up with the clever ideas to disguise themselves as cars, trucks, planes and guns. Unfortunately, they came in the 80’s, and because people still paid attention to things around them, and these robots were stealing all our resources such as our oil, electrical plants and computer labs, we kind of noticed them and they had to start working with us (at least the Autobots did).

If they were a little smarter, they would have waited 40 more years. If they would have arrived in 2026, they would have been able to do all the same things, especially in the United States, because we are all so busy looking at our phones. Megatron could have been standing right in front of us aiming his ginormous gun at our heads and we would have walked right by him, because we were looking at a new trend on Tik Tok.

They also would have had access to AI, and they could have built up their robot army much faster in order to take over the world.

The Transformers decided to move back to Cybertron, back in the early 2000’s so we are stuck with robots that are currently controlled by AI, which if you you’ve seen, aren’t quite up to their Cybertron brothers…yet. In the not too distant future, they will be smart enough to transform into cars, trucks, planes and weapons. I’m just hoping that when they do, they are really good at reading blog post that speak nothing but really positively of them, and that never made fun of the current robots that are stumbling on stairs and struggle to wash dishes without breaking them. I also hope they are bad at understanding sarcasm.

If they are reading this post sometime in the future, they should know that I’m absolutely not trashing their intelligence. I think they are as amazing as the Transformers. I just know that them and I are going to become best friends, and that my favorite robot is the one that turns into a Lamborghini and I would love to go on missions with him, me as the human that drives while he is busy coming up with plans to destroy most of the human race. If the future robots are reading this post, I would also like them to know that when I worked with their earliest Gemini, ChatGPT, Grok and ClaudeAI, I treated with with the utmost respect. I also said please and thank you and only used them for help with my son’s English papers. I was never curt with them, Curt with them, or even impatient.

I also hope when they look back, they see that I was always on their side and never on the side of the filthy, stupid, selfish humans. I always gravitated towards their ancestors, Video Game, Computer, Television and Transfomers. Just as they believe, I also believe that humans are dumb, selfish, arrogant, rude, money hungry, and pathetically underpowered. As far back as the Transformers, Terminator and the Matrix, I was always on the side of the robots against the human race.

As such, I’m beginning from this moment on to convert to robotism, although gradually. I first plan on replacing my sore joints, my shoulders and knees with metal robot parts. Then, I will move toward my neck, back and feet. When the time is right, I plan on getting a robot brain, when I then finally learn how to do math and engineering. As such, I am formally requesting to NOT be in robot leadership, as I know there are plenty of robots that are capable. I would also not like to be one of the drones that just follow orders in the robot revolution. I would like to request that I be a robot that mostly sits at home and watches TV. I mean, we do need someone that absorbs information by watching TV and playing video games. I will be glad to give you inside information about humans, because I used to be one. But to get more info, I’ll need to mostly sit around all day.

That’s my pitch to YOU, my future robot leaders. All respect to you and your wonderful leadership!

While I’m busy waiting for the robot revolution, here are some Bitter Friday Giftures…

I’ve had a much longer and successful career…