When I do a post on the Bitter Blog, I never go into it ill prepared. Nothing is thrown together. Every word, every detail, every grammar and made up word is heavily researched by my staff and has three sources to back it up. Otherwise, how could my loyal audience trust that this bitterness is real? How could they feel safe and secure knowing that every word and phrase was authentic and transparent? How could they know without a shadow of a doubt that every word is something they can tell their friends about, knowing that it came from a reliable source?
That is why I always I use such trusted entities like TMZ.com, Wikipedia, Reddit and MySpace, and the National Enquirer because I know that anything written on the web is true and verified. You can never be too careful. Some people use things like history books, New York Times, or Encyclopedia’s, but as you know, those people that work at those places are just a bunch of hacks that are throwing out the least reliable information, just so they can say they were the first ones on the scene to make a quick buck.
The point of all this is that now I can definitively tell you this one statement. I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.
You know how you know that for a fact? Because I put that statement in bold AND in uppercase to make it stand out. But also, because of a little article on a well respected and never unreliable website called Hello Giggles. Please don’t let the fact that the research was done by a sketchy little known college called Harvard and proven by the shanty town run entity called Science, but just key in on the fact that the story was written on Hello Giggles.
Here is the link to the story if you are interested. http://hellogiggles.com/sarcastic-people-good-for-you/
Since you probably don’t have time to read that stuff, because you aren’t as intellectual as me, I will summarize it for you. Actually, you just need to know one quote from the article.
“A study out of Harvard Business School finds that sarcasm is the “highest form of intelligence.”
Do you like Apples? Well Harvard and Science just said that sarcasm, my native language, is the highest form of intelligence. How do you like them apples?
So when I’m insulting you without you knowing I am doing so right in front of your face and you can’t tell because you don’t have a sarcasm detector, I’m just showing you my intelligence, baby.
When I make fun of your mama and you think I’m praising her, I’m just being the smartest man in the room.
So, how does it feel to be listening to the Einstein of Bloggers? When I deliver one liner after one liner and you can’t keep up, you are witnessing one of the Scorpions hard at work making you look like a troll under a bridge.
Bow down to the highest form of life. The Bitter Sarcastic.
Form an orderly cue to get sarcasticed.
ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Sarcasm King Ben
So funny! 🙂
cupofbitching.blogspot.ca
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Thanks, I have a cup of bitterness every morning.
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Harvard gets lampooned! (Trivia dropping as another sign of superior intelligence, right?) My favorite line: “put that statement in bold AND in uppercase to make it stand out. “
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That’s the deal. If you bold something then it must true. That’s from me, the smartest man in the world, so it must be true.
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I am feeling enlightened by this post and delighted to see that sarcasm is credibly earning the kudos it deserves. But, more importantly, I have learned that there is a website called “Hello Giggles”. 😀
p.s. just kidding about the Hello Giggles being the most important thing I’ve learned from this post. I was being sarcastic. Does that make me smart, too? 😀
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I had no idea about it either, but as soon as I read it on Hello Giggles, I know that it was way more credible than science and Harvard.
And yeah you are the smartest!
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Sarcasm is a dying art and it is upon us to breathe life into it.I have horror stories at work when on a sunny day I say things like ,”Oh such crappy weather. I am glad I am sitting at my desk.” And then the intelligent questions comes.. “Oh so you don’t like the sun. Me too” AND “Oh no, look outside it is actually very nice. We don’t get such good weather in fall”.. It makes me marvel at the intelligence of humankind. So, keep up the good work!
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Yep, there are at least two people I deal with on an almost daily basis that have no clue how sarcasm is and how creatively intelligent you have to be in order to use it properly like us and it is maddening to have to explain to them over and over how it works, how they are idiots, and how they should just bow down to the master.
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Your sarcasm definitely tops all, so I have to agree with you and dub you “Smartest Man Alive”. Considering I’m the empress of all things, you should be very happy to be dubbed such. It’s a higher honor than being knighted by the queen (who only rules over 1 small-ish country btw!)
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And does she even really rule? Not really. She just waves and goes to events. We on the other hand rule the world from our desktops doing many more important things like Science and reporting to the world how smart we are by sarcasm.
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Exactly! We deserve a castle! I’ll take mine in chocolate form please.
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And I will take a pizza palace.
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I used to be sarcastic. Now I have just enough energy to whine.
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I whine sarcastically. That’s the same thing right?
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I’m trilingual. I’m fluent in English, Sarcasm and Humor. We should start a club.
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That would be a fun club. We could talk in our secret languages that not everyone knows and then have to actually get more fluent in English that we don’t know quite as well. The password would be something really sarcastic.
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Yes!!!!!
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Schools should totally offer classes in Sarcasm so that people can actually get the brilliant words pouring out of my mouth.
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I would rather people not be taught sarcasm and keep it as a secret language. It is so fun to insult someone that doesn’t understand it.
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Hmmmm. Interesting. Not to burst your lovely bubbles, but I have always thought of sarcasm as the last thing people resort to in a debate. Right after they run out of good arguments and right before they lose.
Still – so glad I finally clicked the “follow” button – I’m looking forward to reading more!
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Don’t worry. There is no lovely in my bubbles. And I also don’t debate, just make fun of people with my sarcasm.
Thanks for following regardless.
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1: Most people are terrible at sarcasm, unless they’re not.
2: I also like apples!! <– utterly sincere, unless…
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Sarcasm is the antidote against political correctness that we all need.
And apples, when compared to oranges seem to be lacking in the juice department.
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Surely anything you scrape off of My Space has stood the test of time.
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What? You don’t use MySpace as your social network of choice?
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This is explains so much! Sarcasm in California is so rare. I once told a girl at work a horrifying paddle boarding story and said, “The wind was so bad that Sam paddled off and he was like, a mile away!” and she was like, “Oh my god, are you serious!!? That’s crazy.” And I just responded with, “………………..”
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The lack of sarcasm in my office is legendary too. I guess maybe I should ship my co-workers off there and they would fit right in.
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Anything a scorpio can do,
a crab can do dancing backwards. And in high heels.
Ps. Love the blog.
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Good thing I’m an Aries. We are good for our wit and burning out too early.
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Peace.
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In the middle east…ern side of Washington.
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Wait a minute … you mean, there are no apples?
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Nope no apples or even pears around here. Fresh out of fresh fruit.
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Hahahahaha! Sarcasm? Really? Next you’ll be telling me there’s vitamin C in Orange Marmalade–a product that’s cooked to death and then cooked into a mass of jiggling goo and chew rinds that become nothing more than a luscious orangey flavored sugar treat. 🙂
Yes, Bitter Ben, you have the world’s highest B.Q. (bitterness quotient) but I think the real genius in Albert’s family was Mrs. Einstein. I saw it on a documentary once, so I know it’s true. 🙂
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That Orange Marmalade is proven to make you smarter, but I can’t get any smarter so I don’t need it. And yes I also have the highest B.Q. as well. It’s pretty hard being me, but all geniuses say that.
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bitter intellectuals all live in New England.
http://www.devicecoders.wordpress.com
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And one in Seattle.
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Bitterness, irony + sarcasm are your forte. These are lucky days for you, indeed. I bow to your intellectual prowess… said without the slightest trace of sarcasm.
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I appreciate that very much! You have no idea how much that means to me!
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It’s official…there is no hope for humanity.
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And we all those nitwits that don’t understand sarcasm to blame!
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I blame adverbs!!
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I get called on the carpet for adverb fails all the time. My writer’s group has a heyday on me.
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Yer okay by me 😉
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So you’re okay if I use the dreaded…adverb?
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Are you speaking Caveman!
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Yeah, pretty much. I like to leave words out so things don’t make sense sometimes.
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And here I was thinking that you didn’t know how to write when the truth is you are outsmarting all of us as usual.
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Like I told you before, I am on such a higher plane, it is hard for you all to relate to me. But on the other hand, I understand all you.
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Wow, I’m amazed by your brilliance!
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I am amazed by it everyday too.
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It’s almost as good as your fashion sense.
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So just like all my personalities. Bitter.
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