I was left in charge of looking after the kids for several hours, so the first thing I did was take a nap for a few hours. That way I could keep an even sharper eye on them when I woke up. When I did wake up, I made sure that I got some fresh air and exercise was done. So I sat down in my outdoor chair and made sure the kids moved around by doing some biking. And I was ever vigilant of what they were doing while looking at my phone the whole time. This allowed me to make observations, which I’m bitter enough to share.
1. I wore some camo shorts and for some reason, they don’t work. People saw me all day. I would suggest you don’t buy then if you don’t want to be seen.
2. I saw Taken 3, which started if you will remember started with the original movie Taken. There was also a Taken 2. What I want to know is what happened to Taken 1? Why do they always seem to skip that one in the sequel hierarchy?
3. The days are getting longer around here, which makes me bitter. How are my kids supposed to think it’s nighttime when it looks like daytime? How am I supposed to play video games as a crazy Vault hunter when people are distracting me?
4. Like how does seeing something scary scar people for life? All my scars involved something not so scary like running into another kid.
5. Apples. Why does everyone think they are so great? Apple juice is gross, they are always scaring doctors away, worms are always growing out of them, and they got poisoned in Snow White or Cinderella or something.
6. Why aren’t drones delivering me pizza everyday?
7. Carpet. Little known fact: Both cars and pets can drive on carpet. Actually cars need people to drive them, and pets can’t drive because they don’t have licenses, but that is how the name carpet was invented. Look it up. I dare you.
8. A watched pot never boils. Uh, yeah it does. That is like saying a watched lawn never grows, or a watched paint never dries. Who comes up with these sayings that make no sense? I think I’ll come up with some famous sayings that make no sense.
9. If pictures are worth a thousand words, how much are moving pictures worth? The Avengers was worth like a billions dollars, so how much am I getting paid for my gifs that move a little shorter?
10. What if the internet wasn’t invented? Then you wouldn’t get to read all my keens observations, cause there is no way I’m writing all these things down on paper and sending them all to your house.
Aren’t you just the bitterest people? Why else would be reading this with so many other things on the internet?
Bitter Observation Day