There’s a little day coming up in the not so distant future which often gets overlooked in the pantheon of days of March. There a lot who would think that St. Patrick’s Day is the only holiday worth celebrating in March despite that fact that no one actually get to take the day off. If the mail carriers, banks and schools don’t get it off, then we might as well not even celebrate it. The holiday I’m talking about is the Ides of March, which is the 15th, and is a celebration of Julius Caesar getting betrayed, by getting stabbed in the back. There are worse ways of getting betrayed though. Like for instance, how my body is betraying me.
I don’t know why my knees think it is okay to be sore all the time, but they are. For some reason, they think it is acceptable to make it hard for me to walk. I’ve treated these knees like the 15th Man on the San Antonio Spurs. Rarely do they ever have to do any work. They sit on the couch at home, or on a seat at work, only rarely having to do any work until I have to get up for the occasional drink, or I have crawl on the ground to get the remote control. Every once in a while at a doctor’s appointment they have to get tapped and act like they do something. But for the most part, they are living a sunny day at the beach. They think they are going to make my life a pain forever, but what they don’t know is that someday, they will be laid off and replaced by some shiny metal. Right now, they are arrogantly sitting below my desk, propped up, sitting without a care in the world. What they don’t know is that it is pied piper time soon. Revenge WILL be mine.
Wanna know who else betrays me on a daily basis? Mister Back himself. He lays back there, Mr. Invisible, covered up by fancy logos from T-shirts and chairs and always facing the walls, hiding in the shadows. Meanwhile my back is talking with all kinds of dark forces back there, Darth Vader, Lord Voldemort, and Master Shredder, to name a few, to figure out how to Force Choke the rest of me, by getting on my nerves nerves. They are teaching him some masterful skills in the art of torture despite the work I do for it, (or actually the lack of work I do, ie laying down, not moving). My back may look innocent enough, but he’s trying to kill me. The Back’s day will come though. He doesn’t know it yet, because he can’t see anything right now (he’s facing my chair), but I’m going to take down his reign of terror by visiting his arch-nemesis, The Chiropractor. Someday when I get around to visiting The Chiropractor, it will be goodnight to you, Back Pain.
Then there is the horrible, terrible controlling Stomach. This guy is the worst. He is constantly asking for food and water. He is the biggest jerk though, because he tortures everyone no matter what. If you give into his demands and give him what HE wants; water, vegetables, brussel sprouts, fruits, kale and other healthy terrible thing things, it is torture for your mouth and esophagus and taste buds. “I promise I will be quiet and behave if you just eat healthy,” he says, knowing full well that we will all suffer the terrible taste of healthy food. “No more Kale!” the rest of us protest loudly. So he is down there going, “Okay, feed me whatever you want, but if you do, mass chaos down here. There will be rumbling and bumbling and wailing and moaning and I will reject everything about your pizza and pasta and candy and soda. The taste buds and mouth may like that stuff, but you are gonna pay for it. And I will grow and take over, if you send that good tasting stuff down. Eat a salad…or suffer the consequences!” See how he puts me in a no win situation? Pure betrayal.
All I know is if Caesar could see the utter betrayal going on here, he would welcome the ole Brutus stabbing him in the back. In fact, Caesar should be thanking Brutus. Brutus got Caesar’s back to shut up. And Caesar became famous for becoming the only thing that could make a salad tolerable. Caesar dressing.
Remember to visit the Weblog Award Page and help me meet my goal of second place finish in the 2015 Weblog of the Year. A VOTE FOR ME IS FIGHTING BACK AGAINST YOUR BODY.
ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHH
My Back
Bitter Betrayal Ben
I voted. Are you going to be bitter if you win?
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Totally bitter. I have my heart on 2nd.
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I know what you mean. I’m too young but I have the damn arthritis. So the hip, and back are screaming. I can hardly use my one arm and pain killers, kill my stomach. Gah! Bitter GRRR!
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I wish I could have some pain killers. I heard they make you feel pretty awesome. But then again, there is a reason why they are so careful prescribing those things.
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Well the ones I have make me sleepy but hurt my stomach so I can’t sleep. Ha! I avoid them mostly now. Do you want mine? lol
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You probably get them for a cheap Canadian rate.
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Ha nope.
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I thought you guys were famous for your health care.
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Pft, we are to you guys but it’s not as good as everyone thinks. Having said that, it’s probably a bit better than what you all deal with.
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Just be glad you don’t have Obamacare. Our rates doubled last year. I was ill just from hearing that.
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Oh no that sucks!
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You bitter believe it. I don’t even want to go to the doctor anymore, but it’s hard when I’m such a frail bitter man.
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I hear ya! Most docs suck and would make one even more bitter and frail..wait, that’s just what you need right?
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Yes, I need a good doctor to annoy me.
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I’ll find you one
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By the way, I just submitted a question to your blog. If you could do it before next Sunday, (because the voting is over then), that would be awesome. Otherwise, well, I’ll be bitter anyways.
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I have all the posts scheduled for this week already and I don’t usually post on weekends but maybe I can make a special bitter exception in this case for you. 🙂
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Can you imagine how bitter I would have been when I lost by a single vote?
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I know it would have been epic!
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It would be my ultimate bitterness!
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One can dream..
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Sometimes dreams come true…just kidding.
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Ha!
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LOL…classic bitter
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Whether it is classic or futuristic, I always find a way to be bitter.
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Actually, some scholars believe Brutus stabbed Ceasar in the groin because of the whole “might-have-been-his-dad” thing. Nobody really knows for sure though.
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Now that would be painful. I get why they might have said the back just to avoid the whole groin thing.
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I suppose that’s Julius’ fault for allegedly getting jiggy with Brutus’ mom. It’s up for debate though. I like to believe he did that but that’s for the intellectuals to decide :p
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If it is for intellectuals, it isn’t for me to figure it out. I can barely figure out 1+1.
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Agreed.
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Voted!! (peeps – the Weblog of the year category is at the very bottom….don’t forget to scroll!)
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Thanks for voting. My bitter second place victory is assured!
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Ugh… Apparently, I have a lot to look forward to with the whole “aging” thing. Yay!
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It’s a painful process, and it seems like the older the better your body gets a torturing you.
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What about croutons?? And parm cheese?? So, by the way, you know my husband hated his name so much that he changed it to Ides? Oh well, at least he didn’t change it to Kale.
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Croutons? You mean moldy, hard bread? No thanks. And parm cheese? As long as it goes on my parm noodles. Your husband changed his name to Ides? Well tell him this post was dedicated to him then.
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I thought everyone liked moldy hard bread. My kids like it. Let’s not tell them it’s moldy hard bread. Speaking of moldy, I’m sure my husband will appreciate that!
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Just tell him he got a shout out from the bitterest blogger on WordPress and he will be so depressed to find out.
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Sheesh…he’s already depressed! Maybe I should send him to live with you.
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That would be quite a site, me and him living together. A depressed guy and a bitter guy. It would just be video games and pizza all day to “try to overcome our bitterness and depression”.
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Do you know my husband?
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Of course I do. We went to college together. Didn’t you know that? I was at your wedding but I guess you were distracted by other things.
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I yeah, I remember, you were the guy who sat in the back glaring at us and trying to come up with a reason why we shouldn’t be wed. I don’t recall you buying a gift either.
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I did save a lot by not getting you a gift. Besides, you would have just returned my gift for cash anyways, so I saved you a little trouble that way.
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For the whole $10??! Yep, probably not worth it.
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See how I saved you all kinds of trouble? But mostly saved myself trouble?
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And most importantly…
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I bothered you at your own wedding which is pretty hard to do, with you being such a Bridezilla and all.
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Oh yes, how did you know. All my maids in those prom dresses. I did that on purpose.
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You made that guy from TLC that you hired as a wedding coordinator cry. That was kind of funny to me, but most everyone else was appalled.
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I didn’t like that guy anyway.
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Yeah, I don’t either. That’s why I was laughing at him.
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when you were talking about crawling,i started thinking about people at the chiropractor saying they crawled before the chiropractor helped them & then, you mention chiropractor. on that note, goodnight at 10:30 am.
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Goodnight to you too. I guess I will start crawling into work now.
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better to go to a good chiropractor
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I’ll take any chiropractor at this point.
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i know a hundred good ones in s.c., ga., va, fla, d.c. area
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Any good ones here though?
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i’m sure there are.. my chi’sr. in charleston & mc clean va. both had books they could look up, for whatever state, i went to – like proficient in activator methods- which means you don’t twist but you use a tool on people , like me, who have fibromyalgia …my x is on the board of chir. examiners / makes laws- (except for himself)…
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Do any of them make work calls? In seattle?
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not usually…my chiropractor in arlington came to me, when i got too ill to go out,on his way home & my husband adjusted me 5 x’s a day….seriously
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That is a lot of times a day. I only need once a month.
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pretty much the whole world, goes m,wed., fri, for at least the first week or so
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But you know me, always going against the norm.
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on Cheers? that Norm?
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Then I would be where everyone knows my name.
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& a CPA
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Certified Pitiful at Arithmetic?
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clever phrase alrighty
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Jim Carrey would say alrightty to that.
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jim carrey can go buy some manners at charm school
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He could definitely afford them if he wanted to go there.
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he doesn’t want to go there
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Allllrighty then.
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he’s a grinch
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And a pet detective.
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and a liar
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And a Truman show.
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truman compote had an ace i ventura to say
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I feel so dum and dummer.
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i’m dummerthan than a grinch
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I’m grinchier than a dumb.
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i’m dumber than everyone except ace ventura
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Well, he is an Ace from Ventura, California.
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Mask ing texas tea when the beverly hillbillies went to calfornia
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Straight out of Compton.
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incomrtont tea?
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I feel incomptonent.
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do you feel condomint ketchup
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No, condimints ketchup is too winterfresh tasting.
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it wasn’t heinz then
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Heinz is making mustard now.
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i just saw a commercial, but if i had read u 1st.i would say really…also your last answer was a haiku/ off couch
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It claims that mustard tastes better, but I don’t like any mustard.
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no mustard ,onions or pumpkins? do u know onions are in almost everything in the world..like any purey’edd soupy..fried rice.. eggplant parmesan is about the only thing i make that has no onions.
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No none of them. But pizza or meat definitely.
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harry meets sally for meat pizza
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So was one of them a vegatable eater and one a meat eater?
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i bet sally is a veg. she looks like she is still 16
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Salad? Yes, salad is a vegatable.
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i bet she is a vegetarian
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I bet I’m a meatitarian.
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i’m bill cosby’s in sweaters = cosplay
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I think that would be more like I’m in hot water play.
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cosby is in hot water too & bing cosby
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Yeah, the water is a little hot for Cosby.
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yep.you should not have a name that rhymes with cosby /crosby
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Nope I have a name that rhymes with hen.
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ans den
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And penjamin.
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penjamin button
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He would be interesting to visit in a time machine.
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stewie ,on family guy, has a time machine
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Didn’t know that…
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do u watch family guy
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Never really have no.
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you’re kidding.. well it’s no dr. katz, but it’s funny
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Nothing is Dr. Katz. If we went back and watched it, we would find the world’s greatest comedians sitting on his couch.
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that is very true.speaking of famous: british race car driver fernando rees just liked my sea world haiku…yesterday law and order svu did & last mon. major crimes . net did
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How do you do it? Getting famous people to like your tweets. I can’t even get regular people to do it.
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i don’t know. write a haiku about HTC & they just appear or major cases
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So if I start writing haiku about bitterness will that help?
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yes :you write they will come
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I kind of doubt that. People just don’t see me writing haiku.
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i only see you accidentally..i think someone famous last night jeremy b fox b/c he follows 175 & has 28,000 followers liked 2 & i liked 2, but mine weren’t haiku. & he is real not like that lady who just deleted 1000’s including me
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I guess if I tweeted more you would see me less accidentally.
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i would see your accidental haiku porpoisely
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Hopefully it wouldn’t haiku every time though.
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you don’t want the porpoise to haiku
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Porpoises do better Haiku than me.
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porpoises swim better than you but not haiku
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Yeah, I’m a pretty weak swimmer, but porpoises aren’t bitter like me.
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i’m bittererer.. i swam with a crab . i can’t remember maybe 5 days ago..just the 2 of us & then maybe tues 2 ducks jumped in with me
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So were you a little crabby then?
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lol. i was really less crabby, b/c1. floating is so much less painful on fibromyalgia muscles & B.
the wind blows really hard there, so it’s easier to breathe .it blows the chlorine away too
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Thank goodness for the blowing wind to make it easier to breathe.
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yesireebob i mean ben. it’s blowing right now..
i went to the tennis villa to make sugar cookie dough & bring back & i started choking..it’s getting worse inside & there’s no smoke…neium was helping a little
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Can’t do much when the air is so toxic.
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no..you can cry…the air is good now, in the rain & wind of 13 & 71 degrees,not there..i’m not there….
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But the tears only eliminate so much toxicity.
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if only tears eliminated toxic mold toxicity, i would be in good shape…i a doing like a million things..i only have 4 weeks to get ready for that W word…& holidays every week in september & i have to go back to tennis villa & getting this ready for a follower from england to rent in a few days …hopefully, 2 days of rain will help …i shouldn’t even be here..
a man offered to buy the tennis villa,without even seeing it.if he saw 200 boxes, he would change his mind
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Well let him buy if he is going to offer it to you. And holidays are coming hard and fast. Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur right?
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yes and now sukkos & then simchas torah..
& i still have no garbage disposal over there & now it’s hurricane weather, so i’m inside for at least 2 days.. it’s only drizzling, but i can’t go there & wash things & then get them wet again when i come back over here.
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Did you survive the hurricane? I’m trying to survive the Fog today.
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yes, but i’m very upset..i’m going to go to the office & yell at the idiot who isn’t stopping the pesticide..
i would go yell at them, but the closed container they carry gives me an asthma attack from 25 feet away 2 x’s now
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They are probably trying to keep you out by spraying that stuff.
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i wrote them , how would they like a wrongful death lawsuit…the board knows my environmental doctors said no no…even before the mold
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I guess you could email them. Unless their email address will poison your email address.
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i went to the room next to the elevator,which caused more problems b/c the lady was smoking. she said she would take my key out, but i still think they already sprayed in here while i was at the tennis villa 10 months
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You’re back. Smoke is the worst. Feeling okay?
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i’m only back to answer you and now i have to go back and lay or lie down?
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well, thanks for answering. I look forward to hearing from you after your nap or whatever. Go lie down!
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okay i did & i will again
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Naps are the best. I had a few this weekend.
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i wish i had one.. i slept 7 hours for 2 days 2 days ago & that’s the most in 5 weeks…5 hours some nights 3 hours most
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Wow that is a lot. I usually get 3-5 too. I guess the geniuses sleep less.
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that’s terrible… even though we’re geniuses that i can’t spell…clinton slept 4 hours
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Probably because he was with Monica.
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lol..not the song monica
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Just the har Monica?
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or the monica le
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Monic depressive.
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tongue depressor
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Pnemonic advisor.
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pneumonia advisory
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There’s a cold front coming.
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until may?
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One flu the cukoo’s nest. I thought we were doing disease puns.
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oh that’s what we;re doing :you have to tell me.
elaphantosis
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I will next time. I saw a bronchitis in Jurassic World.
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wow the dr. sees a bronchitis in my lungs but that’s neither here nor there..well it’s here.
brontasaurus rex harrison
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Brontosauraus Rexclamation points.
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rex harrison my fair ladybugkiller
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Rexburg, ID where I went to school.
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3 days ago:
does your computer say
bitter ben follows this
that means you should too
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I agree. If Bitter Ben says to follow you should. He’s pretty influential.
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yes he ‘s influential vital to national security .
& my best haiku,you missed.lol
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Where did you put the best haiku?
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oh it was three days before i emailed you ,i think..you couldn’t find it now.
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You have it buried too depp? I mean deep?
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johnny depp deep seaded
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Johnny apple seed depp.
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lol deppity do da day
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Zippity eh.
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my oh my
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What a bitterful day.
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plenty of moonshine
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And lots of rain light.
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headed your way
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Seattle? Having a rain party?
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my ear is having a rain party 10 days
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Qtips work well for that.
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it didn’t. it was terrible noises 24/7 for 13 days.. like the ocean waves in my R ear
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Ocean waves in your R ear? that sounds like an enema.
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it was very upsetting. i thought i was going to have to go to my chiropractor 2 hours away in charleston…it could easily come back
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I think you would need to go to a proctologist for that.
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lol okay
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You know it.
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i know u & pumpkin are not friends but i made the best veggie burgers: pumkin & black bean & they smell wonderful toooo
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Oh my gosh, vegetable and pumpkins? So many things that aren’t pizza.
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start with a p though ..like pink lemonade now
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If pink lemonade is a vegetable, then I drink veggies all the time.
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i think pink lemons are fruits, but a v8 is a veg. & a fruit disquised as a veg
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I wish I had some so I could make my own. V8 gross.
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you would like v8 splash where they hide a veg. inside the fruits
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I would like them more if they hid a pizza inside a fruit.
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well i think they do . a tomato is a fruit i think…
i just watched louie & they said people shoot at planes landing & i hope that was a joke.?i can’t google an answer.
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I totally saw that same one last night. He lost the girl and his luggage and his mind. Luckily he at least made the flight.
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& then he bought clothes & a suitcase & he counts by days ,like wed.,thurs, fri..
he shouldn’t have turned his back on the phone..she ran away
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And he was relieved too.
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he was on again last night i think..same episode & concert…you know at generic cin a bon,she told him he could put his mouth under the frosting thingy
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I would eat a Pizza Bon.
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the sauce does the same as icing…head under the spicket
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Maybe I will start my own Pizza bon.
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so you hold your head under for olives & green peppers?
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Now that would be a bitter Halloween thing.
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7 cheeses?
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I want all the cheeses.
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i want all -1 = blue cheese .. i am blue cheese
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I am American cheese. I know people hate it, but it is so good on sandwiches and bagels.
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yep on sandwiches & i will admit i have had it on a bagel
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It is so good. Not sure why more people don’t do this. Everyone always uses creme cheese.
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philadelphia yes.. they go together like wamma lamma ding dong (Grease(
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I just watched the beginning of that recently. Never really cared for it, but Rizzo is so bitter, kind of dug her.
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lol ..you dig Rizzo.. i’ve seen it maybe 11 times or more. i know all the songs..oh on tues elvis sings grease lightning at the beach, except it’s raining,so i am here
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I’ve barely seen all the scenes let alone all of it 11 times. All I know is Rizzo is really bitter.
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she is & her bitter song : “look at me i’m sandra dee..troy donahue, i know…i can’t sing it…R rated
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I wouldn’t know because I didn’t make it that far.
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you have to watch the whole thing
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That might take me too long. I wonder if I ever did a Haiku on my blog if you would read it.
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of course i would.. i read them at twitter,so i certainly would here
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Well, good. I guess I can keep twittering away.
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poeple could learn haiku from your twittering
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But then again, most people that twitter, are probably accidentally haikuing too, because 140 characters.
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i find 1 a month with most ..but a lot with you
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It can’t be possible. You’ve infected me with haiku.
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i’m not usually the carrier but the one most likely to be infected
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You’ve probably written more haiku’s than the actual creator of haiku’s.
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lol who would that be? i don’t even know
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Whoever it is probably thanks you everyday for moving the art form to new heights.
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LOL this man haikued in the pool & i knew u would like it..
he was going for pad thai.. his inlaws-olive garden
so:
“if you could bring me
back a meatball sub for dessert
that would be good”
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I had meatball subs last night. Just sub pizza and that would be me always.
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they both sound delicious…pizza hut has that new breadstick in the pizza crust…so i wrote a haiku about my former bf last night..
1996 we went there & he was upset breadsticks didn’t come with the pizza… bread with bread.
my aunt said don’t go out with him again.she was 80 something.
i did for 4 years.
also he was cold so he wore a hoodie .
he is just so funny
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If he was so funny why did you ever make him a former bf?
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my dog died..he didn’t want me to bring her , b/c he’s a narcissist , even though he loved her & i had to take her to the vet & she got sick there.. i can’t talk about it…makes me cry
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So he was a narcissist? That explains a lot.
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yes it does
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Those are the worst kind of people.
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i was going to ask you to do math.. people follow u & they follow 2000 & have 25,000 F …i think they are going to unfollow you ..happened before & 2 people did this today…..that’s how they have only 2000..narcicissistic
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That hurts my head to even think of the math.
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you would like math today ..3 people followed & 3 unfollowed .the uns have like 200 & 1000’s so they just unfollow everyone to make them look like the narcissists they are! HA… one person had 6 followers.i was 6 & they wait a few weeks then unfollow…fruitcakes
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So what does that all equal? I’m not good at math.
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that would be 0
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Isn’t that the answer to all the math problems?
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if you multiply by 0 = 0
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Since when? I don’t know math.
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since jethro bodine discovered aughts
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Well, I don’t even know who he is, so obviously I don’t know math.
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obviously..but he is on the beverly hillbillies
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Three words for you my bitter friend: yoga, yoga, yoga. Yin or restorative will work wonders. Get to class & feel better soon. 🙂
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How about these three words: Noga, Noga, Noga. I would probably do yoga if I had the time and money to join a gym and all of sudden became not lazy.
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My stomach is also my arch enemy! Feed it healthy stuff and it just gurgles in a disappointing way. Feed it stuff my brain wants and it is happy but leaves all the fat in a non-digestible bump at the front of my body. A food baby if you will. Not fair!
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Stomachs are the worst. They listen to me about as well as my seven year old and that isn’t much.
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