Life Gifing Bitter Friday Gifs

/ bensbitterblog

I used to care about famous people. I looked up to them because they could memorize lines or dribble basketballs really well. Then I grew up and realized that most of them were just really suck. Most of them either got lucky, focused maniacally on one thing in detriment to anything else in their lives, or their daddy knew someone in the biz. Most of them, as soon as they get a little taste of fame get as hooked on it as I do as soon as I eat one Dipp (not the crappy peanut butter ones).

Don’t ever read a celebrities rider (their list of demands for appearing somewhere), because you will want to punch them in the Oscars. They think others are peasants meant to do their bidding. Then again, my son has not so much as achieved straight B grade celebrity status in school, yet he still calls me from his room and demands that I make him a sandwich and bring him water. So, he is a celebrity in training. Which means I’m going to have to not like him when he becomes one someday.

Most actors do things that don’t really stand the test of time. Like, seriously, Jennifer Lawrence was famous at one time. What movies has she done that I’m going to care about someday? The Hunger Games? The only Hunger Games I care about are the ones that my son plays with me when he demands a sandwich because “he’s so hungry” that he can’t make it out of his room to make himself one.

On the other hand, there are people that do amazing things day after day, week after week, month after month, like say, exposing everything in this world as bitter, that have never been given the credit they deserve, nor will they ever.

There is one guy that did something so monumental, so groundbreaking, so mind blowing, that we should have two federal holidays in his honor (it’s not me…yet). He probably should have been walking red carpets, winning Nobel Peace prizes, and getting insane riders like celebrities.

Yet, yesterday, he died and no one cared. Today, I’m going to pour one out for one of my homies. One of the all time greats. You may not know his name, but you should.

Stephen Wilhite, at the tender age of 74 died yesterday.

Who is Stephen Wilhite, you say? Why he is none other than the creator of the Gif.

You, me, the internet and Gen Z owe our lives to this guy.

If he hadn’t created Gifs, well, my Bitter Friday Posts would be either static pictures or full-fledged videos.

Stephen looked at pictures. Stephen looked at videos. He said, “Those two cannot be the only options.” He simply could not accept the too long videos and superbly unimaginative pictures as the only way to communicate on blogs. He couldn’t accept the limited “pictures are worth a thousand words” or video “being worth 10,000 words”. He imagined a future where GIF’s are worth exactly 4,636 words and made it happen. Now no one can look at a Gif and not think “that is 4,636 amazing words right there”.

Stephen brough life to pictures, and brevity to video.

He imagined a world where a long and boring video of a dad filming his kid riding his bike, and he saw a short repeating video of the kid falling off his bike and his dad frantically filming the event while pretending to care about his kid broken limbs. (I wouldn’t know anything about this.)

He imagined a world where a mom could record a visit to a zoo and reimagined it becoming so much more interesting when monkeys escaped and hit her husband in the family jewels.

Stephen had vision. Or you could say he had Gifsion.

Today, the world seems so bleak, so grey, so…Gifless.

I can’t let his vision die. On this weekend when so many people are honoring vapid celebrities at the Academy Awards, I will honor the real hero. No, not even a scientist who cures cancer. Today, I will honor the true Gif-changer for ALL of us.

Stephen GIFed me life. I will honor him in death.

Now, let’s all GIF him a round of applause as I present to you…Bitter Friday GIFS (not Gifture in honor of Stephen)

According to Giphy (who owes Stephen their life)…

…this is one of their most popular Gifs.

When some asked Michael Scott if you were the greatest…

…he was quoted as saying, “That’s what she said.”

The voice of our Generation, Morgan Freeman…

…said you gave him his voice.

The Rock…

…can smell what you are cooking, and they are precisely 4,636 words.

Simon…

…had no criticisms of your work.

Drake admitted your last name was ever…

…first name greatest.

Dumbledore called you…

…the greatest wizard of our time, much better than that Potter fellow.

This girl gives you…

…two very enthusiastic thumbs up (and credit for her internet fame).

The Minions swear loyalty to you…

…even more than Gru.

Pingu…

…would go all the way to the North Pole for you.

Dolly says GIFs are even more entertaining…

…than Dollywood.

Jay-Z had 99 problems…

…but you were never one.

To be clear, Stephen is the GOAT. But let us not forget, that I took what Stephen started and became the GOAT of Giftures, and made them a Friday tradition. Without me, he would have been just a guy that had a cool thing to show to his co-workers. So let’s not forget the world’s greatest promoter of Giftures. But today, Stephen will get his day. Let’s do one bonus gif and pour one out for the homie.

Bitter Giffing Life Ben

15 thoughts on “Life Gifing Bitter Friday Gifs”

  1. I’m not a big fan of gifs but I appreciate the man who created them. He was clever. Maybe someday I’ll figure out how to add them to my blog posts and my opinion of them will change. In the meantime, you gif on my friend.

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  4. Since having the bitter fortune of tripping over your brilliant blog, I have dedicated myself to approaching by bitterness with genuine intentionality, with mindfulness of the whole hole of a given moment of bitterness. Oh, Sensei of Bitterness, how can one possibly repay you for this profound (in the literal sense, as in the experience of someone who has fallen down a well) teaching? Impossible, I say, bitterly.

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