Heads Up BFG’s

Like, the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, I’ve always been looking for my brain. It’s there, I know, but it always seems to betray in my moment of need. Sure, it keeps me alive, is the central hub for figuring out how to walk, talk, breathe and how to write scorchingly funny, yet deeply insightful blog posts about the bitter nature of mankind, but it also betrays me on a regular basis.

For instance, how about that one time that I was taught about math, and all the steps and facts and techniques were right there in my brain. Then when the test came, I asked it very demandingly to recall all those things. But it got easily distracted with lines from the original Transformers cartoon or wondering why people think butterflies are so great. Now to be fair to my brain, those Transformers line were way more important, but the brain ignored all pleas for math help, even though it was right there ready to take.

My brain betrayed me in other big moments as well, like for instance, the countless job interviews I went to when the interviewer asks me critical questions like, “What is your name?” and “How long did you work in your previous job?” and “Where are you from?”. The brain withheld the info just when I needed it. It’s almost like my brain does this for giggles.

Even when I was dating, my brain was cruel and unusual. I would ask a girl to attend a function with me and she would reply with, “No thanks, dork” and my brain would tell me to say something like, “So how about next week then?”

I’m starting to think my brain just wants to embarrass me, just so it can go viral with clips from my embarrassing flubs it causes.

My suggestion is that we fight back, by using what every good video game character uses. A head up display, or HUD. Basically, every cool video game character gets this helmet that displays what kind of gun they are using, how many bullets are left in the clip, and how much health they have left before they die. All useful information, for sure. But what I am suggesting is that we get much more useful information in our HUD’s.

All the information we could ever need is right there in our brains and on the internet. If we could just give our HUD’s access to all of that, then we could stop using our inefficient brains that just withhold information for Tik Tok videos. Our HUD’s could do the work, and then we might finally get better grades on math, do better on interviews, and maybe get a girl to go to the Monster Truck Rally with us.

Actually, it would be better if I was the only one to have a HUD that would be great. Then you might all finally understand the mad genius you have standing before you and then I could be like the brain. I would only parcel out my morsels of amazingness when I feel like it, and you could marvel at how smart I am and wish you could be like me. So, since I know Elon Musk is reading this, could you create the HUD for me and only me, so I can use this immense power over everyone? Thanks Elon, I appreciate it. In exchange, I will buy a Tesla at a later date.

Enough about me and Elon Musk’s great friendship. Let’s just get to the BFG’s, shall we?

If you aren’t familiar with HUDs…

Motorcycle Hud GIF by CreatorFocus.com
…they look something like this.

If you’ve seen Free Guy…

Game Movie GIF by Wikitude
…it’s what happens when he puts on the sunglasses.

Or what you dorks like see…

Virtual Reality Vr GIF by Damiano Mansi
…when you wear VR goggles.

What I’m imagining…

Blake Anderson Yes GIF
…is looking at interviewers like this.

And using it to dodge things…

dodge avoid GIF by Freek Vonk
…like responsibilities.

While still maintaining…

I Love You Good Job GIF by Paramount+
…people’s admiration and trust.


Because you always had…

Classic Film Time GIF by Warner Archive
…such good timing.

Because you always said…

Eddie Murphy GIF by Coming to America
…the right thing.

You’re going to pass…

Schitts Creek Comedy GIF by CBC
…every test.

With…

flying keanu reeves GIF
…flying colors.

Every interview…

interview job GIF
…will feel like this.

Because you will easily…

Whats Your Name GIF by Tin Can Bros
…remember your name.

And Elon Musk will be your second best friend…

Elon Musk Mic Drop GIF by FullMag
…behind me of course.

Just a reminder that Elon Musk is actually only making this for me, so you will never be able to be smart like me, but I will allow you to be a part of all this. If you continue to follow, like and share my post, you might get a morsel of my greatness. Just don’t expect it on a regular basis.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Heads Up Ben

9 thoughts on “Heads Up BFG’s

  1. Ha-ha!! Being a gamer myself (which is a weird thing for a Mom my age – I started playing video games with my sons when they were young and absolutely loved it) I too need a HUD, which display my outfits, my swords, and my health potions, my Grog count, and what kind of snackies I might have available to me. Please – when you talk to your buddy Elon, can you ask him to make me a helmet too!!

    Like

    • Not weird at all, since I am a dad at my age still playing. I’ve often said that my generation will be the first to be playing games in their old folks homes. My generation had to endure the “Video games are dangerous and only for kids thing” for years. Now everyone plays them and it isn’t even looked at as weird to play, at any age.

      Liked by 1 person

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