How to Appear Smart BFG

A little side note before we start. Yes, I’m the first person to do a side note at the beginning of a post. Excuuuse me. I’m extremely sorry about this. I’ve been typing Bitter Friday Giftures at the end of my titles for every Friday Giftures for 9 years now. No longer. It’s simply going to be BFG. Because I’m lazy and you all need to start getting used to it.

Now, on the regularly scheduled blog post. My whole life has been one big fail. I was a straight C student in math. A straight bottom of the line worker and middle of the road flirt. And when I say middle of the road, I mean the dirt road path that not even a Monster Truck’s would try to navigate. In other words, bad.

I’ve always wanted to be really smart, so I could finally hold my head high and turn my nose down on people. But when you aren’t the smartest tool in the car (and not very good at analogies), it makes it hard to look down on people. So I do my best to ignore people, so they might at least think that I’m looking down on them.

Recently though, I found a way to appear smart. Hang out with people that are dumb. Since most people I am around are really smart in some ways, (better at math, graphic design, marketing, etc) I can’t really do that. But thankfully, I’ve found a whole lot of people that boost my intelligence by a factor of 10 (I’ve heard that is some sort of math term).

Ever heard of the Game Show Network? Well, if you’ve never had the pleasure, you have to check it out. Your IQ will immediately jump 20 points as soon as you switch to the the channel. Then as you start watching you will see how smart you are. These people are some of the dumbest people I’ve ever seen. (And I’ve seen people on the Bachelor). Whether it is America Says, Family Feud, Common Knowledge, Chain Reaction or Get a Clue (these people really need to).

I know how all these shows are making money. They find the dumbest contestants to come on their shows and then watch them lose money every time. After watching dozens of shows on there, I’m convinced they do it of purpose. Jeopardy contestants these people are not. Some may claim that the pressure of being on a TV show is the reason why they are so bad. What pressure is there? I might be the only one that actually watches these shows. Either the producers completely wipe these people’s minds or they really are the dumbest people in America. I’m talking like they have all the letters except one for things like ASTRONAU and they can’t guess that the word is Astronaut. It’s mind boggling and yet life affirming to know that you aren’t the dumbest person ever.

After watching people on GSN, you will feel like you slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

On to the BFG’s…

Sometimes…

lmao lol GIF by Nickelodeon
…I wish it was.

The only redeeming quality of Family Feud…

Steve Harvey Reaction GIF
…is at least one Steve Harvey look every show.

And Bitter Joey Fatone…

bitter joey fatone GIF by The Eric Andre Show
…asking the most uncommon questions on Common Knowledge.

Buzz Lightyear…

Frustrated Buzz Lightyear GIF
…doesn’t detect any intelligence on the GSN.

This is no indictment on Kevin…

Season 9 Nbc GIF by The Office
…but he is the sharpest guy in the drawer on GSN.

And Homer at his dumbest…

Homer Simpson GIF
…would make a ton of money on the GSN.

Harry and Lloyd….

dumb jim carrey GIF
…would be the Harvard graduates of GSN.

But would be considered smart…

Friends Tv GIF
…on GSN.

On the Game Show Network…

Margot Robbie Network GIF by Bombshell Movie
…you’d be phenomenal.

Celebrities on Celebrity Jeopardy…

celebrity jeopardy snl GIF
…would look smart on GSN.

Questions like this…

Saturday Night Live nbc snl 1990s celebrity jeopardy GIF
…would baffle people on GSN.

Yeah…

Idiot Youre Dumb GIF by Bounce
…pretty much.

I’m not saying you should watch GSN all the time, because it could eventually make you as dumb as the people on the show. I’m just saying when you are feeling pretty down on your intelligence, you should just check out the low watt bulbs that inhabit the GSN that will lift your IQ at least 20 points just by watching it.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter GSN Smartener Ben

8 thoughts on “How to Appear Smart BFG

  1. LOL – I love it!! At least you were a C student, embarrassing, but I was a straight F student in math!! But I do watch GSN every so often and I think exactly the same thing – where do they find these people?! I mean, I too am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but OMG, seriously – entertainment is at an all time low with all that’s on TV these days.

    Like

Your Bitter Comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.