Difficulty Settings Bitter Friday Giftures

I used to be young. When I was that, I used to be really good at video games. There was this Mega Man game that I played once and really liked it and when screenshots of Mega Man 2 came out, I was just floored. At the time, they were bleeding edge graphics and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. I finally got to play it, and I was sadly really disappointed.

You see, the first Mega Man game was really hard. It had enemies that were really random and hard and lots of things that would kill you in one shot. Like spikes at the bottom of a really long pit with disappearing blocks. When I played the second game, I found it surprisingly easy.

Fast forward 20 years, and Nintendo came out with the a “Greatest Hits” nostalgia collection and Mega Man 2 was part of the collection. Feeling like an experienced gamer of 25 years by then, I felt emboldened to try the game again and see how easy it was to breeze through. I was bitterly humbled. That game was hard. Like REALLY hard. How had I ever even made it through one level?

I guess games have become easier in the 25 years I have been playing. Okay, maybe not easier, but between auto saves, restarts after later parts of missions and difficulty settings, games have become more accommodating. Maybe so they can appeal to more people or something.

All I know is my favorite part of new games is the difficulty setting option. Usually games have an easy mode, middle mode, Hard mode, and an Insane mode. I love games, but I have neither the time nor the patience for games that are too hard. I always start on Easy mode, so I can get used to the game and if I like it enough, or get used to it, I might try harder modes. But if you don’t have difficulty modes, I will run from your game.

Game companies know if they don’t have an easy mode, many people new to their game will not try it. And that means no money, no sequel and one low sales game can close down a whole studio.

So my question is, why don’t we as humans get the option for difficulty settings? Maybe before I came to this life, I was feeling pretty confident, so I decided on the hard setting. But then my loading screen lasted 9 months, and the beginning of the game took way too long to get used to, what with the being pulled out of the womb naked, bloody and way too bright.

The overlords restricted me until I was 18, and then all of sudden they kicked me to the curb and told me I had to accept side quests to get money while learning useless things at the education centers. Then, I had to perform really time consuming low level quests for very little reward. And even when I did get a tiny reward, the constables would come and take 40% for no reason at all. And after the constables robbed you of almost all your money, your family members are waiting with their hands out for the rest.

After you are left with only coins to buy things you so can level up, the random drama engine comes starts up with new destruction like “Kid needs braces” or “Air conditioning breaks down” or “We need three new cars this year and there is inflation” and all of a sudden the difficulty ramps up. Couldn’t we just ramp down the difficulty level every once in a while, or get an unlimited money cheat so we can breathe for a little bit? If video games can figure it out, why can’t we with our collective human brains figure out how to make a life difficulty button?

Well, that was hard. Let’s just get to the Giftures so we can start our Labor Day weekend please…

Let’s start out with some power ups…

Flying Johnny Knoxville GIF by Jackass Forever
…that allow you to fly.

Or how about…

video games spinning GIF by haydiroket (Mert Keskin)
…extra strength?

Or the ability…

world of warcraft magic GIF by South Park
…to throw fireballs.

Because you know…

california scene GIF
…California needs more help with fires.

I’d say it would be nice to have a water spell…

Black Magic GIF by Little Mix
…but Ida seems to have taken care of that.

If someone had the right power up…

Water Spit GIF
…they would absorb the water from Ida and douse the California fires.

Some people use the power of luck…

St Patricks Day Food GIF by Lucky Charms
…which is may be the best superpower of all.

Some people have the ability…

The Rook Run GIF by STARZ
…to run endlessly.

Wow…

Michael B Jordan Superpowers GIF by NETFLIX
…didn’t realize that so many powers were related to weather?

This might be more of a power…

coffee falling GIF by Nerian Keywan
…that I would prefer.

Unfortunately for us non powerful beings…

Hank Green GIF by Rooster Teeth
…things have been ratcheted up.

Even pushing a tiny car…

I Cant Hard Times GIF by La Guarimba Film Festival
…is a Herculean task.

So, if someone is up to making a difficulty button, that would be great. Because it is Labor Day weekend and I plan on not doing anything this whole weekend. Hopefully that family characters are okay with me doing my impression of being a couch. In other words, blending into the couch.

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Difficulty Setting Ben

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