Social Distancing Bitter Friday Giftures

 

If you didn’t know, today is Friday the 13th, the moon is full and some sort of pandemic is going on here. I can’t find toilet paper or hand sanitizer (ever heard of soap?) and all the people are going crazy out there. The NBA is cancelled, E3 is cancelled (what else is there to live for?) and grocery stores are having a Black Friday of sorts.

There is one thing that is my saving grace. The news people are talking about this new trend to keep all the viruses away and such. It’s called social distancing and that is possibly the greatest invention thing ever.

You mean people have to stay away from me and I have to stay away from them? What would be so great is if this trend can continue long after this whole crisis is over. More telecommuting, more keeping away from people, more staying home and watching TV. I like the way this movement could take place. There is a silver lining after all.

And don’t think that some silly virus is going to keep Bitter Friday Giftures from happening right now…

Don’t shake my hand….

Under Pressure Mr GIF by Leslie Odom Jr.

…you might contract my burning hand.

Silly Thanos…

Overpower Infinity Gauntlet GIF

…didn’t he know that the way to shut down Disney was to create a mouse poison called the corona?

Is it time for the Avengers…

infinity war yes GIF

…to come rescue us and bring us to some other cool planet?

Don’t worry though…

it sucks infinity war GIF

…we’ve got a plan to fight this.

But first…

adopts cat lady GIF

…we need the media to create a frenzy.

Where they will listen to any lunatic…

greys anatomy she is a lunatic GIF

…who claims to be a doctor.

I always thought…

Lucy Hale Rip Internet GIF by FOX Teen Choice

…this is how the world would end.

I never thought we would have…

black friday GIF

…another Black Friday again.

But I guess we just needed…

Toilet Paper Comedy GIF

…a rare commodity like toilet paper before we had a Black Friday-like rush.

Like in Pokemon though, everything has a weakness…

apple GIF by G1ft3d

…Apple is weak against worldwide shortages of chips from China.

Facebook is weak against…

facebook zuckerberg GIF

…Apple’s cookie protection…

And the corona virus is weak against…

Mark Wahlberg Relax GIF

…smart people who don’t panic and chill out.

So my one piece of advice is this. CHILL THE FRICK OUT AND STOP PANICKING. I WILL USE NAPKINS OR PAPER TOWELS IF I HAVE TO.  And just so you know, this pandemic is just helping you all realize how to be better at being bitter, so it is feeding my bitter soul. Also, if you could spread my post and my blog like the Corona virus is being spread that would be great.

Thanks,

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Social Distancing Ben

8 thoughts on “Social Distancing Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. Regarding the pandemic, introverts are the best-prepared people on the planet. I still work from home, shop online and prefer my social interaction to be virtual. Nothing has changed, except my 401K of course; nothing we can do about that 😦

    Like

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