Refuel Bitter Friday Giftures

 

We’re coming up on the most depressing day of the year soon (I think it is usually like January 18th every year), which is a bitter person’s fuel.  To prepare for this special day, let’s talk about how we can fuel up for this event. What are some things that work for me? There is making sure that it is dark as much as possible. While not all days can be dark ALL day (unless you live in Alaska), but there are simple ways you can make things worse. When it is sunny out, find dark basements, non-windowed closets, and pray for black clouds.

Another way to prepare for the bitter season is to make phone calls to family members or co-workers and ask them how they are doing. Be prepared to hear all kinds of sob stories about their jobs, their lives and their commuting. If you weren’t depressed before, their lives will certainly depress you soon after.

Lastly, talk about how far away any vacation days are for you. Now that the holidays are done, you certainly used up all your vacation and sick days and just have to power through at least 3 more months before you can get a break. Bleakness will follow. As well as the Bitter Friday Giftures.

Even though you want to cry…

Sad Jason Mantzoukas GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers

…make sure you smile so people won’t try to cheer you up.

Make sure you get all the right daily nutrients…

lonely legally blonde GIF

…like chocolate, fat, and lots of sugars.

The colder the weather…

winter weather GIF by Much

…the better chance there is that you will want to stay on the couch and not move.

You’ll want to make sure that if you go outside…

jack whitehall jacket GIF by BRIT Awards

…you’ll want to be as uncomfortable as possible.

If you have a meeting today…

bored board meeting GIF by Veep HBO

…make sure it is late in the day, so there is a possibility of it going overtime.

Make sure your lunch is gross…

ew throw up GIF by SMOSH

…so your afternoon will go as slowly as possible.

Save the most urgent tasks for the end of the day…

working weekend GIF

…so you will once again have to work all weekend.

Make sure to invite only your least favorite guests…

work weekend GIF

…to your house.

For any get-togethers…

bbq dummies GIF

…make sure to fire up your grills. 

Make sure you run after the neighborhood kids…

on my way running GIF by Nicolas Bougère

…for getting on your lawn.

And letting their dogs…

encouragement dog poop GIF

…poop on there.

And don’t hang in there…

threes company fall GIF

…just fall.

Get excited people. We are almost there. The most depressing day of the year is coming and we have to make the most of it. Get prepared. And if that one doesn’t work out, Valentine’s Day always has the potential to be the most depressing day.

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Refueling Friday Ben

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