How I always felt about dating.
A lot of people have anxiety about relationships. I get it too. I was once at an age where my whole life hinged on everything from will a girl look back at me, to will a girl ever talk to me, to will a girl ever go on a date with me, etc. It seemed like I spent days on being on an emotional roller coaster about them.
Deeply, madly, hopelessly in love one day, freaking out that she will never talk to me again the next. The nice thing about my dating life is that we did have some sort of distance between communication because communication wasn’t instant like it is now. If I send a text and don’t get a return one within a few minutes, I know they just don’t want to talk to me, or they are in the one spot in the United States where T-Mobile or Verizon doesn’t cover. Back then, I would call with no guarantee they were even at their house, or they could have just been ignoring me.
Thankfully, I could just justify that they were gone. Now, you find out that they are either instantly in love with you, or they are moving on. There are no justifications.
What happened to that girl?
The techniques and tactics of dating have completely changed. One of the things that haven’t changed is the old silent treatment. We called it the silent treatment anyways. Kids call it ghosting. Either way, it was a strong tactic used on the battlefield of love.
The problem with me using the silent treatment was that the other person was actually glad that I was. Or they didn’t know that I was even using it. It almost always backfired on me. Most were just glad that I was out of their lives, so they could finally pursue someone they liked.
The silent treatment doesn’t stop when you are in a stable relationship though. In marriage, I’ve had my fair share of the uncomfortable “not talking to you right nows”, which used to cause me a large bit of anxiety.
It sent me into a thought spiral, which introverts do quite a bit. Is she going to ever talk to me again? What is going to happen when I get home from work? Am I going to have to sleep on the couch again?
Oh shoot, everyone left me at home? Whatever shall I do with all this spare time?
Now in my old bitter age, I’ve come to not only accept the silent treatment, I look forward to it. I crave it. I go out of my way to get it. And now that I crave it so badly, it comes so infrequently. Why can’t I get banned to the couch? Why aren’t my family leaving me all by myself at home as punishment? Why aren’t people telling me in such a nerd and loser that they don’t want me to come to the party? Where is the librarian telling me to be quiet and go to detention to have a think time?
It’s the curse of the Bitterman that you can never have what you want when you want it.
What are your thoughts about the silent treatment? Do they give you anxiety like young Bitter Ben or do you crave them like Old Bitter Ben?
ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Bitter Silent Treatment Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I love this post, Ben, especially the inversion at the end 🙂 and yes, we have all had the silent treatment but few have written about it so well as you 🙂
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All I know is that my daughter and I (who are very similar) crave the silent treatment. On the other hand, my son would feel like he was getting tortured if we stopped speaking to him for a moment. Though if we aren’t, he can carry on a full conversation with himself.
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It’s been a while since the silent treatment bothered me. I love when that happens, I can finally get some reading done.
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Yeah, the silent treatment is especially effective for reading bitter blog posts.
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As the victim of a malignant narcissist who once again used the silent treatment on me because I have boundaries and he now has consequences for his poor behavior-like cheating after 28 years married and then abandoning me again and again with no amends or remorse, I am fine with it. Stay away if you can’t treat me with love and respect.
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Good riddance to that fool. He was the one that deserved the silent treatment, not you. Especially when they have no remorse. I’ve heard how bad it is to live with narcissist. I hope you are free from him forever and can move on with your life.
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Thank you for your kind response. It was horrible, that’s for sure. Trying to disengage completely but he still contacts me “hoovering” as they call it, wants to be “friends” but lives some sort of double life and it’s been tough, that’s for sure. How do you totally discard a loving faithful wife and then want to be connected as friends? Crazymaking behavior.
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Yeah, I’ve heard it is hard for narcissts to let go, because they crave someone who used to tell them how great they were. Prayers up for you that you can rid yourself of his toxic ways.
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I think the silent treatment, in many cases, is rude, and even cruel. 😐 But there are times when it may be appropriate, too, like when someone is harassing you and not respecting the clear boundaries you’ve set. Or when you have laryngitis and all your fingers are broken, so you actually can’t respond to a text. 🙄
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I love the silent treatment so much. It means that you don’t have to talk to other people. It should be used a lot more in society. I kind of wish I had more laryngitis.
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……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..………………………………………………… LOL
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That is a lot of dots to express LOL. I’m not sure which part, but thanks.
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the dots were meant as a long silence…. 😉
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So it took at long time to get to the funny part. Yeah, that’s me. I tend to ramble a lot in my posts.
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