When I was a sophomore in high school, we had to take Biology. I couldn’t stand my teacher, because he was a pig before the #metoo movement started, but also he wasn’t very good at teaching. I remember him talking about the weirdest things like you should change your deodorant often because the glands under your arm get used to a certain type and stop working as well.
Anyway, the class covered DNA and I could never understand how DNA worked because he was such a horrible teacher. Nowadays, DNA is becoming famous, because of all these 23 and me, and Ancestry DNA measuring kits. I’m not sure why anyone would care about who their relatives are, because they are people. Most of their lives were pretty meaningless like ours. I’m pretty sure if they all had computers and the internet they would have wasted their lives scrolling Instagram and making up new memes just like us.
I’m guessing while they were on the farm just trying to stay alive in some crappy black plague-infested country, in the dark because there was no electricity, they were probably thinking, “Man, it would be really nice if we had some device that we could look at to pass the time faster. Something like an Ipad, or a phone or something that we could look at while we were waiting for the doctor to diagnose us with yet another disease that they can’t cure.”
I finally decided to get a kit, read the really confusing instructions, spit into a tube, and sent my DNA test in. I waited the requisite 6 weeks for the test to come back. My guess is they get the test, run the results the next day, get your computer print out ready, and then hold onto the results for 5 weeks and 6 days. I’m pretty sure science has advanced enough that they can run the test in a few minutes.
To be honest, the wait didn’t really bother me, because I didn’t really care, and also I was pretty sure that I knew exactly what my DNA is. When it finally came, I was like, oh yeah, that’s right, I did that thing.
My wife and kids were waiting with bated breath, but I was just ready to get it over with. I looked at the paper and it confirmed exactly what we all knew all along. Turns out I’m 0% nice, and 100% bitter. Shocker.
Have you guys done a DNA test? Any results that shocked or amazed you?
ARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
Bitter DNA Test Results Ben
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I’m pretty sure that someone with your sense of humor can’t be 100% bitter all the time.
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It’s because I am bitter all the time that I have the humor, unfortunately. It just makes for better material.
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Yes!
And I am 10 different ethnic groups: white, brown and black!
Mostly for the better.
But one I fear is for the bitter!
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While I am almost certainly from the white part of Europe (England, Scotland, etc) my son is adopted and his biological parents were a white mother and a blak father, so he is brown too. We couldn’t resist doing his DNA and some of it is Europe, and other parts are African, Ghana, Congo and a number of other places. Just like we thought he is a United Nations of DNA!
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👍👍👍
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!!!
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Even bitter replies!?
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You bitter believe it.
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Ashkenazi?
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Whoa, what does that word mean? Sounds like a fun one.
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The term “Ashkenazi” refers to Jewish settlers who established communities along the Rhine river in Western Germany and in Northern France dating to the Middle Ages. Once there, they adapted traditions carried from Babylon, the Holy Land, and the Western Mediterranean to their new environment.
Of the 15-16 million Jews, about 10 million are Ashkenazi and considered to be European not Middle Eastern.
The worlds largest family tree is Ashkenazi.
I am a mixture of white, brown, black from 10 ethnic groups to include Ashkenazi.
If you are truly Ashkenazi you will ask how much Jewish I am!?
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How cool is it to have so many heritages? It must be fun to find out through one of those kits.
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I refuse to voluntarily hand over my DNA…I’m the one in the corner cursing at Alexa about what a spy Jeff Bezos is while donning a tin foil hat. NOPE.
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That is actually right. Bezos isn’t even very good at hiding it anymore. Alexa is always saying, “What did you just say? You want to order a new tool set for your friend David for Christmas? I will do so right now. Don’t worry, I don’t need your credit card. I already have the number from reading it out of your wallet. You should pay the balance soon, because the interest rate of 20.5% is pretty high and you need to make more room for more purchases lately.” And Alexa wasn’t even on.
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I swear they listen unplugged. It’s over.
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I’m pretty sure they do too. By the way, thanks for the idea, which I will be writing a blog post about soon.
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hahaha! Sucks about your teacher though!
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Yeah, he was a slimeball. Hopefully, he is long retired and not able to see anymore.
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Haha! 😂
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Yeah…
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I teach world history, I work in a library where lots of people come in to do their genealogy, and I don’t trust DNA tests to give accurate information about anyone’s genealogy. Our ancestors moved around way too much and groups of people mixed way too often for a DNA test to give flawless information regarding where your multiple-great-grandparents lived. Ever hear of the Goths? Or the Vikings? On the other hand, I’m sure any results that identify you as bitter are completely accurate. J.
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I was pretty sure we all knew that, but it was nice to get a DNA test to prove it. Like somehow, some people might not believe it.
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My Dad and sister did it, so my planned life of crime is no more. The cops will be able to trace me through them. A disappointing lack of pigment showed up in every result pointing back to the inbreed residents of the Emerald Isle at every turn.
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It is the worst when you parents not only teach you to follow the law, but then make get DNA so you can then not even go against them if you wanted to. Such irresponsible parenting.
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kept your spit to yourself — will be my new motto.
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Right? I used to spit a lot when I was young. Now, I’m sure some scientist can take that spit they found from me all those years ago and are planning an arrest any day now.
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Or handing you some random child relative to raise.
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I don’t need anymore of those things. They are dirty and loud and just spend all your money.
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I did a DNA test with Ancestry.com. I don’t know what I was expecting. My whole life when people asked about my ethnic background I said maybe English? My father’s ancestor came to America in the early 1700s & my mother’s from England in the late 1700s. Boring. White. Nothing with pizazz.
I waited the however long, and I agree with your theory, you know it was ready sooner. Anyway. My DNA said 80% English with a tiny bit of Irish and German. Still just white, but maybe I’ll switch between Irish and German sometimes.
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Yeah, sounds like quite a letdown. I don’t think they would ever come up with anything interesting for me except, yeah, you’re white. My adopted son on the other hand, he is mixed race white/black, so it was really interesting to know about his.
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