Spooky Story Bitter Friday Giftures

/ bensbitterblog

 

I’ve never been big into the spooky part of Halloween. I will occasionally visit a haunted house or watch a scary movie, but they don’t really define the season for me. It isn’t those corn mazes or pumpkins that seem to pop up overnight in every field, henhouse, doghouse, and backyard. It isn’t the pumpkin spice everything that is more prevalent than corn mazes either.  Nope, the thing defines the season for me is candy.

I love when my kids go trick or treating and bring back sacks full of candy for me to raid. I’m 9 out of 10 dentists recommend that I don’t eat all their candy, but I can just floss a little more and they will never know. HAHAHAHAHAHA (in the Vincent Price voice from Micheal Jackson’s Thriller).

In other news, I have a really short but spooky story for you. As a guy who doesn’t really like kids, even his own that much, I had a babysitting gig. Well, not me, but my wife. She volunteered to watch our Great Niece and I just happened to be in the room. She occasionally had to hand the baby thing to me and I had to figure out how to make it stop crying and make my back cry even less. Suffice it to say, it was really spooky; for me and the baby. I think she was returned in one piece, though a little stinkier and less than stellar shape. What’s worse is my back feels bad. More about me, here are the Bitter Friday Giftures:

This guy…

…didn’t have a ghost of a chance.

This is how I move…

…in the morning too.

I feel this guy’s pain…

…I have anger management issues too.

My favorite…

…meal in October.

Carving pumpkins…

…without a sharp knife is scary.

I hate it when I get stuck…

…inside my car seat.

Or wear the wrong costume…

…to a party.

Some people…

…are just a little too into pumpkin spice.

And others get just a little…

…too much into character.

Transformers…

…roll out.

 

Thankfully…

…the pumpkin will wear off eventually.

Would that be…

…such a shame?

Hopefully things won’t get too much more spooky for you from here on out. This time of year kind of gets to be a speed round of holidays and it’s hard to keep up. Thankfully as an old dude, I just kind of sleep through most of it anyways. Just don’t let your kids be babysat by me. Or I might accidentally sit on them.

ARRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Spooky Story Ben

25 thoughts on “Spooky Story Bitter Friday Giftures”

  1. Pingback: The .Gif Friday Post No. 610 – Spook Spazz, Helicopter Boarding 101 & Surf Splat | Tacky Raccoons

  3. I can’t believe I read the whole thing…and actually enjoyed it. It’s good to be honest, get those feeling/thoughts out so they’ll blow away (hopefully). I’ve mostly ditched “bitter”…but there are days… I most enjoyed the babysitting gig–I chose not to have kids (eldest of 6, I did my bit). I do get a kick out of other people’s kids–like in the grocery store, when they’re hilarious (not screaming), and long-distance, the cute pics and quotes. Hope you have a great Monday, and the days that follow in a week. Thanks much for visiting my blog, you’re welcome any time 😉

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    • I will always have the bitter inside me, so don’t worry about that. I’m not done raising mine, but I’m getting close. At least I’m out of the young kid screaming and waking me up every night thing.

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        • Unfortunately, marriage and parenthood were thrust upon me. First I started dating this really pretty girl and then all of a sudden 20 years later I’m in charge of these young screamers. I don’t know how I got here.

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        • Yeah, it seems like time passes quite quickly and you find yourself 20 years older. Just yesterday my 15 was a toddler and my 12 year old was a baby. Also, I had hair. And who is this strange old guy that keeps staring at me in the mirror?

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        • I have the same shock when I look in the mirror…”once upon a time” I was a head-turning cover girl, or so my high school history teacher said… Now I’ve morphed into my mom/grandma, like a costume–the real me, inner-child new and improved, lives BIG on the inside 🙂

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        • There are worthy things, though, in the good ‘now’ days…but climbing stairs w/out shortness of breath, you’re right–that’s gone for me too.

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        • I burst out laughing before I thought to ask if you’re okay…are you? The quad-cane I ordered came today…I think it may take some getting used to, as it feels kind of “tippy”/unstable in my living room…

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        • I’m okay. I actually went to the doctor and told him about all my ailments. Bad back, bad knee, shoulder, high blood pressure, and I told him about my binge eating. He gave me some drugs to help and now I’m losing weight, but the side effects are dizziness when standing, and it seems hard to breathe sometimes. I’ll be okay though.

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        • Are the holidays difficult for you? I love them, but January can be challenging…and Feb…and March–all depending on what kind of weather we get.

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        • I actually like the holidays, but only if I get them off. It sucks when you have to work on them, which I haven’t for a while, but when I have…makes it the worst. I’ve definitely had to work day before and after on Christmas a lot. That’s no fun. But I do like all the lights.

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        • What kind of work do you do? Just curious. I agree that working during the holidays can put a crimp in the joy–I’ve been “retired” for a long while–and today I put up lights in 2 windows 🙂

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