The Devil’s Haircut Bitter Friday Giftures

/ bensbitterblog

 

I have almost no hair. I’ve never really had much and honestly I’ve never even wanted long hair, even back in the 80’s when lots of dudes did. I’m not much of a fan of hair because it grosses me out when it gets in my mouth or near my face.

Anyways, the haircut store should not have a hard time cutting my hair. It’s pretty much a buzz on the side and back and short on top. My cut should never require scissors or more than 10 minutes. Well, my previous lady somehow found a way to screw it up. She did the sides okay (which to be honest an ape could figure out) but she started cutting the top with scissors. This caused me bitterness, because not only was the cut going to longer, but I would have to engage in conversation with her even more and she wasn’t my favorite in the first place.

What she ended up doing was cutting the top short, but leaving the two areas where you would have a part longer. So in a few days it was not only feeling longer, but it also look like I had two horns, like a devil. It was also torturing me. So I called it my devil’s haircut. My wife told me I looked terrible and should go get it cut only two weeks later. She couldn’t have made me happier. Thanks for telling me I looked horrible honey!

On to the devils haircut Friday Giftures…

Just like me…

…it seems like everyone else can do it the right way.

Just like my devil’s haircut….

…this kid had terrible balance.

I know cat…

…it really was a hideous haircut.

This reminds me of Andy Dufresne…

…escaping from prison but for only 1 foot instead of 500 yards.

This is how much I want to get rid of hair…

…and how afraid I am of getting covered by it.

This is how bad I wanted chase down…

…the lady at the haircut store..

This kid had better aim…

…than the haircut lady.

His real flip…

…is better than his bottle flip.

This is how disoriented I felt…

…after getting my haircut.

What cats did…

…when they saw my haircut.

Not only did I want to burn Utica to the ground…

…but my hair.

When I saw my hair…

…I wanted to curl up into a ball too.

And this is what…

…it felt like.

I know all you in the US have big plans for Memorial Day, but I hope that it all ends up feeling just as devilish as my haircut. Let me know in the comments what you are going to do to make your weekend the worst.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Devilish Haircut Ben

59 thoughts on “The Devil’s Haircut Bitter Friday Giftures”

  1. 🤣Myhubbyhas the same issues. Even with very short hair now, someone can find a way to screw it up for him. But when he gets a good one he wants to save the moment in a time capsule. Lol

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  2. That were actually pretty cool and let me sleep it off since I had no one to call or pick me up.
    I’m starting to think Bitter should be my middle name instead of Bright (I often wonder if my parents ever regretted giving me such a middle name of hopefulness)!!

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  3. My Memorial Weekend consisted of the 15 year anniversary of my lil daddy’s death and a terrible fight with my eldest abusive sister ~ which has me now homeless but well worth it.

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  7. I have resorted to cutting my own hair, when my daughter can’t cut it for me. It usually turns out okay. But truth be told, I never got over the relationship I had with my hair stylist. She moved away ten years ago and life- for my hair- has never been the same. You really don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

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  8. You have a great writerly skill at elevating the mundane. There are columnists who don’t write as well IMO.

    ok smoke-blowing over: Yul Brynner, famous chrome dome, said once that having no hair got rid of a lot of stupid vanities. I too didn’t even LIKE my hair, when I had it. When it got long, it was so annoyingly unmanageable that I eventually buzzcutted the whole mess and never looked back. I still love not combing my hair every morning.

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  9. You don’t go to a barbershop? I would think that would be a great place to meet other bitter men and complain about the state of the world.

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  12. I am not a big fan of hairdressers either… Once, my Mom paid me a full make over (color and haircut and all the fuss). I wanted a few red (copper-like) highlights (I have very dark hair)… When I take my glasses off, I am pretty much blind. So the girl went on for a while, putting stuff in my hair, and cutting, and drying, and seeming happy with herself…

    Until I could put my glasses back on.

    I discovered that she had bleached and colored more than half of my hair platinum blond, in a way that I couldn’t pull them up, someway, and cover some of the blond hair… I called it my “skunk hairdo”… I was devastated. I drove right to my parents’ business, to get comfort (and show Mom what she had paid for…)

    When I passed the door, I heard a loud laughter. Needless to say, I didn’t ask Dad what he thought about it!

    Ugh!!

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  13. At least it is socially acceptable for you to have short hair. My hair is almost down to my butt and I hate dealing with it but I like the way it looks and everyone always tells me how great it looks but its driving me nuts! I would have cut it all off by now (I usually cut it short every couple years) but I want it long for my wedding (I’m engaged) but who knows when we will actually get around to planning it and in the mean time my hair is just pissing me off! Great gifs tho!

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    • Yeah, hair can kind of be the worst. Women seems to always be battling having too much of it, while men are always battling having too little. Though I can’t stand hair being anywhere around a sink or shower or toilet. My least favorite thing is getting it in my mouth. Shudder.

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    • It IS socially acceptable for you to have short hair!
      Shame on you for listening to Socially UNacceptable of anything a girl wants to do or be.
      Have you seen my profile picture?

      I own that buzz cut and know I make it sexy AND acceptable
      #StayFierceWoman

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  16. I’m planning to spend three days doing pretty much nothing, unless you count holing up inside my cave reading, TV binge-watching, and playing The Sims as something. I guess I could add something productive to that, like cleaning or writing, but then it would be like any other weekend instead of a holiday weekend.

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