Bitter Germaphobes

Babysitting isn’t fun.

Many years ago, when I first moved to Seattle, I didn’t have a job, so I took little side jobs, and this family that lived near us with six kids was going on a trip to Europe. They were looking for a babysitter and unfortunately, I was available. My wife accepted the job for me, because I needed the money and something to do. I wish I was working at the time, because it was basically the worst. I have many stories about why it was the worst, but I don’t know if a lifetime of blogs would contain the horribleness.

Needless to say, the father was a huge germaphobe and told us to constantly nag the kids to wash their hands. He believed if you always washed your hands, you would never get sick (as he was coughing while he was washing his hands).

He was a huge germaphobe. I guess me and my wife weren’t vigilant enough with making them wash their hands because they got sick by the time they got home (4 weeks later by the way). At that point, I was glad they got sick and hoped they gave it to their parents too.

The Dwight method.

I know this is probably a controversial subject, because maybe you are all germaphobes too, but my beliefs toward germ fighting skews toward Dwight Shrutes. Not so much that I ask people to sneeze on me, but I think being exposed to germs isn’t the worst thing in the world, and will help us build up immunity. I have kids and there is no escaping the amount of germs they create. It’s just a theory, but I believe I’ve been sick way less than most people I know, and especially the germaphobes I know.

Here’s the deal. No matter how hard you try, you will never eliminate all germs. Impossible. So you might keep way more than me away, but in the end, the ones I keep around are so bitter about having to be around me, that they want to move to other people. In fact, they probably have a repellant that keeps ME away from them.

And you being your likeable self, will probably attract all kinds of germs, because you smell good, you are vibrant, and are just plain pleasant people. And just like you saving the bee that is trying to sting you, or putting a spider in a jar, so you can let him loose in the backyard, you don’t want to kill any germs. Pacifists.

You do have the right idea about keeping away from people though. They are the worst. I’m also with Dwight on that too. There are way too many people. We need a new plague.

Yep.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Non Germaphobe Ben

 

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14 thoughts on “Bitter Germaphobes

  1. I am broadline paranoic. Germs is short for Germans and they started the germ invasion. Therefore I avoid going to Germany for they have many germs. Now Finland on the other hand has fins and I am scared of sharks. Turkey has those wrinkled necked fowl animals and since I have a wrinkled neck and a fowl attitude of life I stay away from that crowd. Remember a bird of the feather flocks and I avoid flocking. Being paranoid has its benefits for being scared of everything means there is nothing left out.

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  2. I saw someone on the subway, yesterday, that brought HIS OWN STRAP… careful not to touch the bar as he attached it. I’ve seen germaphobes before, but never one with TWO HUGE ARM TATTOOS. It was as if he decided he feared all germs but Hepatitis was grandfathered in…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Seriously. It’s funny how specific germaphobes can be too. They won’t touch anything unless they’ve sanitized, but when it comes to other areas, they are completely oblivious to their cleanliness rules. It is my job to point them all out.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You are quite right: a normal healthy person needs to have contact with germs to build immunities. Too many disinfectants just breed stronger germs. And people are far worse than germs. J.

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  4. You are right, we do need to be exposed to germs to build our immune systems. I only make the kids wash hands after using the restroom and if they have been into any questionable stuff. Kids like to tough, well, about everything lol!

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  5. I’m also with Dwight on the population thing 😀 Nice blog. My uncle is a big germophobe and he made sure there are sinks in every room of his house. Also, some bacterias are good for our bodies and excessive cleaning leads to more diseases especially in the private parts.

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  6. I think about how there are too many people whenever I’m stuck in traffic. I daydream about a plague, or a colossal meteor striking the earth . . and I instantly feel better.

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