Bitter Part Extensions

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The dream someday.

I’ve often talked about my desire to someday become a cyborg. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to replace their creaky knees for something metal and mechanical that would only break down if you don’t oil it enough.

Replace this ailing shoulder with some hardcore vibrainium that is as hard as Captain America’s sheild? Sounds good to me. All the better to punch somebody with. And a spine that stays straight so that no matter how you lay on the couch it won’t hurt your back? I’m in. And imagine swimming. No way that stuff would rust, right?

Alas, the dream hasn’t come to fulfullment because science keeps not advancing near fast enough as Back to the Future promised us. Or hasn’t it? Maybe science hasn’t been fast enough, but maybe we are just taking over for it, but in different ways?

I think with we have extensions on our bodies with machines that we just haven’t thought about. I think we are skipping science and just doing this flesh to metal extensions on our own. Stay with me here.

Almost combined.

Just like me, my daughter isn’t really a people person. She spends way more hours in her room than she does anywhere else. But more importantly, she spends way more hours on her phone that anything else. In fact, I sometime believe she uses her phone more than her hands. I believe that someday, her phone will just become her hand. Of course, she will have to upgrade to a better one, but we will just screw off the old one and put the new one on.

Not that I don’t have mine on me at all times either. If it isn’t texting while driving, then it is playing a game, looking online for something, or wondering what the heck the phone app is used for.

That’s not all either. She also has these things on her ears. All the time. I think the cool kids like to call them headphones, but I just call them ear extensions. She is really good at ignorning us with them on, but even when she is in the room with us, she has the on, but with one side slightly off. She claims she can hear us, but we know when she responds to us, she is just responding to the song or YouTube video she is REALLY listening to.

Get rid of the tops and the cords and it is almost your ears.

What other extensions will just become part of us soon? Instead eyes, we will just have VR goggles that help us see the world. I know they are clunky right now, but they will get much better soon. They will soon just be a pair of sunglasses, that will then just soon mold into our heads, so will never lose that expensive pair of glasses like I do on a regular basis.

So we’ve replaced our eyes, ears, and hands. What else? Well, I think for the most part we’ve replaced our brains too. With the internet, YouTube and TV, we have all the knowledge we will ever need. Instead of our computers needing towers, we will just have the hardward jacked into our brains. Google already knows about everything we could possibly imagine and YouTube already shows us how to do everything. What more does our brain need?

Your turn, what other of the senses can we replace? Let’s just get it over with and Matrix it up. Combine with the machines. We are already almost there anyways right?

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Cyborg Ben

16 thoughts on “Bitter Part Extensions”

  1. When I get to be a cyborg I’m getting extendy arms (or at least one extendy arm, maybe I’ll mix-and-match features and make the other arm something else) so I can reach anything in the house without getting off the couch.

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  3. Remember the six million dollar man. There he lays on a stretcher with no legs, one arm gone and an eye out of its socket. We were suppose to be jealous of him. I felt sorry for him. Metal inside of my wife in her leg causes her a strange feeling. Sorry I do not want to be a robot but there is a robot who wants to be me. If clones have metal parts are they coned and would they be open to rust?

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      • with a triple I am worth more. the operation cost a quarter of a million dollars. i am not joking. I paid three thousand and medicare paid the rest. i do not know what people who have nothing survive. everyone should be afforded health insurance.

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        • I have done away with headaches. I just ruled them out. No worries, no stress, I do not pay any bills. I have no electric and live in somebody else’s backyard. Bills are for storks. LOL. The debt collector knows me by my first name.

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  5. I truly do have metal knees from a bi-lateral knee replacement. I don’t know that they function as well as regular bone ones do, but at least they do not hurt. I always set off the airport metal detector and have to be scanned. I feel like a bionic woman.

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