Maniac Monday – False Alarms

/ bensbitterblog

I was thinking about doing a new segment here on the blog and what a bitter way to start it then on this Monday when I am particularly bitter about a certain subject.

But first, lemme tell you what the segment is called. Maniac Monday, of course stolen by the song by the Bangles, but renamed Maniac Monday so the blatant ripoff isn’t so obvious to people. Anyways, besides Tuesday, Monday is the worst day right? Since I have tried and failed at many different things on this blog, why not try and fail at one more thing? Because if I’ve learned one thing, it is that trying always lead to failure.

So one of my favorite things is waking up early. I get in early for work, the commute is a lot less maddening, I’m a lot more tired in the afternoon, and then I leave early to traffic that still baffles me. I don’t actually accomplish anything because I wake up early. I don’t meditate, or go jogging, or even buy bagels for the office (I buy them for myself, of course).

There is just this magical bitterness that comes along with waking up way too early. It’s like, I could be like everyone else and get the right amount of sleep. Or I could be like every person in every movie ever and wake up when the sun is just shining through my window and I lazily take a shower, while breakfast is being made downstairs and kids and getting ready for school. That doesn’t work for me at all.

Me sneaking out every morning.

I need to sneak around the house like a ninja, and get out of there. I don’t want to be around in the mornings when kids are awake. Then they would want to talk to me. Try to get free advice, tell me to have a good day, etc. Nobody needs that kind of false hope in the morning.

I rely on my alarm clock to jar me out of sleep at 5 am. It’s too early in the morning to rely on the internal alarm clock. My fear is that I will wake up at 8 am and then I will have to speak to the wife and kids and then they will need me to do something or whatever.

So of course, this Maniac Monday I forgot to set my alarm.  As I almost always do, I woke up in a panic that my alarm didn’t go off, but this time I was actually right. It was 5:20 am, so I was not only right, but late.

Woke up in a panic.

That always sets the day up on the wrong side of the foot. My minds starts racing a little too fast for 5:20 am and my shower nap has to be so much shorter. Every little thing has to go a little faster and my morning routine gets screwed up. The alarm clock doesn’t get to sleep in. He always need to be waking me up.

Your day is just a little behind for the rest of the day. Thank goodness, I’m a bitter person, so I have something to mess up the rest of my day.

What about you? How does the missing of an alarm clock mess up your day? What do you think about my new segment Maniac Monday? What are your favorite stupid things that happen on Monday?

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Alarm Clock Slippage Ben

33 thoughts on “Maniac Monday – False Alarms”

  2. Ben, these posts are getting better and better, bitter man.
    I don’t use an alarm clock, everyone knows not to bother me till at least 10 am, and that usually becomes 11 because I need two cups of bitter coffee. But I just got a job last month and I’ll be starting at 10, so you can guess how bitter I’ll be…that’s right, bitter and they better have the coffee ready when I get there.

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      • The ideas still come throughout all of the hours in the day, but on this job, we cannot possess paper or pencil, nor phones. This training has been from 4 pm till 12:30 am, so I write when I get home.
        My second month of training starts this Sunday, but my hours will be from 10 am till 7 pm. Much more to my liking.
        Do you work a FT position? Your recent postings have been involved and thought provoking, which I would think takes several hours of writing and editing. I wasn’t kidding when I said I can see a difference during these last three months.

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        • I’ve always had crazy thoughts like these. But now I get to write them down consistently BECAUSE I have a job. I always do better with the blog at work, because it is easier to slack on something you should be doing, than slacking on video games or listening to your kids.

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        • Also, I usually write through things once and maybe look to edit, but I only get about half an hour before I get it posted. Oh, and I feel bad for you that you can’t have a pen. That would be pure torture for me.

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  4. Now I have both “Maniac” stuck in my head, but oddly enough NOT “Manic Monday,” so I guess your title change successfully transcended the “rip-off” category. Personally, I have no issue with Monday…but don’t get me started on Tuesday…

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  7. I am exceptionally bitter that you CHOOSE to get up at five and it is EARLY. I personally am sleeping in to a leisurely 4:30 a.m. since I got taken off overtime (the smaller paycheck is an additional source of bitterness, although I do prefer working 8 hours over 10, and I felt inclined to burst into tears every morning at 3 when I had to get up). Where was I? I like BEING up early but despise GETTING up early. It becomes increasingly difficult as I get older. Now you have something else to look forward to!

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  9. I’m one of those unfortunate people who doesn’t need an alarm clock because brain wakes up anyway no matter how late I may have been up the night before. This also happens when alcohol or/and Ambien are included in the mix. At least I don’t have a spouse or kid to deal with, which pretty much offsets the bitterness I feel about not being able to sleep late ever.

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    • It almost makes me wonder if you have one of those movie like responses of waking up to a startled look on your face every morning. I can usually tell I’m late if I have dreams that are taking too long, instead of the interrupted ones.

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  12. I completely relate to getting up earlier than the rest of the family and sneaking around the house like a ninja to avoid human interaction. I am, however, undecided whether I am more bitter when my alarm fails to wake me in the morning or when it succeeds. J.

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  13. 2 cents dept: I like the segment – we all share the same day of the week, if not the same holidays, or, occasionally, the same year. (In the Chinese calendar, I believe, it is the year 45,978 give or take. Apologies all over the place) Your segment would set the tone for the rest of the week IMO, and what day are we in need for a laugh (albeit a bitter one) than THAT day. Tuesday is pretty bad, lodged as it is, between 2 very sub-standard days. But I digress. Missing the alarm, as you so highly point out, gives your day a quarter turn in the WRONG direction, then, stripping the threads, to continue the metaphor. All day long, you are like that loose nut, getting looser and more wobbly, in spite of draughts of coffee and splashing of cold water in the face.I had my car towed from the front of a Starbucks one Monday, had to pay the driver $75 to take it off the hook. Missed the No Parking sign. THAT was an expensive beverage.

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    • Yeah, I agree that Monday, while not the worst day of the week, (Tuesday is the worst by far), doesn’t welcome happiness, only bitterness by most. Plus it is the furthest day from Friday, which is bitterness itself.

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  14. I’m retired. Monday means nothing to me, except bitter memories. Actually, I wait until Monday to do my shopping, because there are less crowds due to everyone being at work. That way I don’t have to look at people while I shop.

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