The life bringer.
The first job I ever had was at Little Caeser’s Pizza. I was just a burgeoning bitterling at 15 and my dad told me I had to get a job. The only reason I got the job was because the manager was new and he didn’t really know what he was doing either. He didn’t last long and neither did I. I got pepperoni pizza fired. It wasn’t that I was particularly bad at my job, it was that I ate all the pizza. Just kidding. I was bad at what I did, but no one ever really trained me. Typical.
You might’ve guessed that I’m not the healthliest eater. If you’ve come to that conclusion, you and Captain Obvious are probably best buds. I’ve always been one to avoid salads, not because they are healthy for me, but they are super gross unless topped with pizza. People always give me a hard time for liking pizza more than salad. I would more call me a visionary. Ahead of my time.
Why you might say? Well, if you’ve been paying attention to the news like I haven’t been, you’ve seen reports that Romaine lettuce, which is a part of most lettuce, is full of E. Coli.
Stay back, you demon spawn of Satan.
The last time I checked, E. Coli isn’t good for you. Yet, all you lettuce advocates have been trying to stuff that terrible tasting, disease riddled stuff down my face for years. I think it’s just a matter of time before we find out that Kale has been trying to kill us for years by trying to give us a food poisoning. In fact, it was probably invented by a guy named Kale in a lab and called a superfood, just so some of you health nuts would try it, thinking you were going to extend your life. All the while it is trying to kill us.
I think I’m going to stick with the safer option of Pepperoni Pizza, the good tasting food that is only trying to kill me over time, thank you very much.
If a food is going to kill you, at least it should taste good, Romaine.
ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH
Bitter E. Coliless Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Any raw vegetable is an abomination. It must be cooked into submission.
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That and not eaten either. Meat and pepperoni always.
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Right on, BB!!! 🙂 Power to the Pepperoni!!! 😛
People who are eating greens (like lettuce and kale) are eating your food’s (pigs, cows, chickens, etc.) food! So lay of the greens, people! 😀
HUGS!!! 😛
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Exactly. Pepperoni is a people food, which I am and kale is for animals, cause they like greens or something.
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My husband also worked as a pizza delivery guy when he was a kid. I wonder if anyone makes a career out of that.
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I didn’t even deliver pizzas. I just sat in the back making dough (not money) and hiding in the freezer when I got bored.
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Not to overlook the obvious, Romaine, like you, is bitter
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Exactly, so I believe that just like Romaine, I should be banned from the workplace.
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A lot of lettuce is bitter, which is why I don’t care for it. Ironic, since your bitterness is exactly why I like you.
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The only reason salad is any good at all is because it has beef, or bacon or other stuff that is salty…like me.
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Where is all the e coli in lettuce coming from? I thought e coli was from feces–is it because of animal based manure being spread on fields? Just curious…
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I assume that salad is grown near animals and they probably hate salad as much as I do, so they poop on it. (by the way, my son would be so proud that I said poop on my blog.)
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The older I get, Bitter Ben, the more I enjoy good tasting foods that are only trying to kill me over the long haul. Life is too short for E Coli. 🙂
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Right? Quit trying to force healthy food down us when it will just come with deadly diseases.
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Goodness gracious E Coli in lettuce?! Kale too? I think I will be having pizza or calzone too🤔
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Yeah, we know that pizza isn’t going to kill us…right away.
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But but but but… Kale is so goooooood! D: And since the discovery of it (I think) the Netherlands have used kale stew and a special sausage as their National Dish. And I eat it all the time! D:
If I end up dead before I’m 40, we’ll know what did it!
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Oh my gosh, you really like kale? Did you know that kale is actually not pizza, so therefore isn’t very good?
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No no, kale is yummy when properly prepared (which, in Holland, means as much as cook it then mash it up with cooked potatoes and make it into some kind of “stew”, add a special sausage on the side and just shove your fork in).
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I’m sure it is just as tasty as pizza. 😑
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Nah. It’s better :p
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Samantha, how could you say that? I say “Blasphemy! Blasphemy!” to you for ever saying it out loud.
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I take it back. I ate pizza two days ago (and got a stomach ache to punish me for guzzling it all up) and have changed my mind. But talk to me again in December after I’ve eaten kale and I’ve probably changed my mind again then. Oh well. The follies of a woman.
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I’m glad you changed your mind, but don’t change it back. I can handle people talking bad about me, but pizza, never.
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It’s a known fact as of right now cause I said so that the easiest place to get ill it to visit the salad bar. I like pizza but I am rather a pizza snob, I like fresh mushroom, real cheese, home made crust, no meat….you hate me right?
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Yeah, why would you not just like pepperoni? And I always had a sneaky suspicion that salad was trying to kill us all.
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