Alright bitter people. It’s time for me to get a little uncomfortable and do something that I am completely awkward at. Even though I worked in customer service and telemarketing for years. I need to beg a little. But before I do so, let’s get the inside scoop about why I will be begging first.
When I was in 7th grade, our English teacher forced us to take this career assessment test that told us what we were good at. I wasn’t really good at anything, but I decided that I needed to have a career that made me tons of money for a little effort. Since I was lazy, I went in alphabetical order and it came down to accounting and advertising. Since I was terrible at math and had no interest in numbers, I chose advertising. What I didn’t know, was that in order to be good at advertising you had to either be good at art (not so much) or writing (only slightly better). Didn’t matter. I decided to be a copywriter so I could make up terrible slogans.
I continued to focus on copywriting because changing plans is hard work. It was in the back of my mind, but I didn’t try to get the skills they needed. I just assumed I would get a degree and they would hand out jobs at the job store.
Okay, I’m rambling. Allow me to ramble more. I ended as a stupid telemarketer. About 10 years ago, I started to realize that telemarketing/customer service wasn’t for me, because I can’t stand people and I hate talking on the phone. When I was in deep thought one day, I decided that I needed to start writing. Not for anyone, but just me. So I started journaling. That lead to wanting to write a book. I did so for about 3 years and a complete first draft. Just like with every dream I’ve had, I didn’t follow through. No first, second or third draft, because I’m bad at finishing.
6 years ago, I started a blog. A bitter one. You know about it, because you are reading it right now. Anyways, I got this brilliant idea, to write another book. A book that has basically already been written. You know, this one. A Ben’s Bitter Blog Book.
Now comes the begging part. I need money. From you guys. The Bitter Following Gang(BFG). Bittertarians? Or whatever the heck you guys come up with to describe my followers, Swifty style. So, I started a Gofundme. One that will allow me write this book, and pay to get it published.
I know you guys have money. Lots of it. You guys are authors, CEO’s, VP’s, uh, telemarketers, Wendy’s Drive up window engineers, Gap people with ear things in their ears, advertising copywriters, ETC.
I’m not good at math, but I have 10,000 followers on this here blog and if you all donate like 100 dollars, then I will have like a billion dollars? That is what it will take to get me on the road to getting my dream fulfilled. Anyways, I don’t really need that much, but it would be great to get $500. I would really appreciate it if you would get me to that point. I’m sure that I will get $499 and become the most bitter person ever.
If you can’t donate, that’s fine. Just disappoint this cat or whatever below. If not, just leave a comment about what you would like to be called in the comments. You know, the Bitter Squad or whatever you want to be called.
Here is my last beg. Pllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeee! Here is the link. Go Fund Me!
ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
Bitter Beggar Ben
Wow…..10000 following?The bitter business is booming! Good Luck….. Zulu Delta
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I wish it were booming even more. Especially with money donations.
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I will donate the entire $500! And that is MY April Fool’s joke! bwahahaha!!!!!!!!
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Dang it, that rebounded on me. Ugggh.
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Recently, and this will make you bitter as hell, an aide in a not-for-profit organization emailed their responders that a particular candidate needed their support. Asking $1.00 from everyone as quickly as possible, so as not allow further tyrani.
3,600,000 emails were sent and $3,100,000.00 came in. He then quit the organization and moved to some Island somewhere. If I find him, I’m asking for my damn dollar back.
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That makes me so bitter. He sent it to that many people and that many people actually sent money? I mean that is what I plan on doing too, but only one person sent me some money. ArRRRGGGHHH.
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Decent April Fool’s! You had me at “bitter people” then I kinda faded at “Okay, I’m rambling” and finally blacked out right after “Now comes the begging part…” Did anything good happen after that?
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Actually, I think some people believed it. Someone actually contributed, which I feel like I can now use against all the other people who just treated it as my April Fool’s joke, but would still like money.
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I would but….
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But you know this was an April Fools joke, just like you do every year. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH.
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I will be interested to see how this works out. It’s a good idea!!! Maybe I will try it! Or maybe I could convince people to donate and I will give them one of my books for free with every $10 donation. Good luck with your campaign!!!
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It is something I will try someday, but the time probably isn’t quite yet. This was just an April Fool’s or Easter joke, whichever you think, but I did actually set it up, so you can still give money. And if I do reach the goal, I will definitely use it only for getting this book published.
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I hope you do reach your goal!!!!
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I definitely will. I’ll just need to bribe each person that donates $100 to do it.
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I’m in love with your sense of bitter spirit. I wish I could donate bitterly I’m unemployed n still leaving with my parents. I think I love us to be bitterians.
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I think bittertarians would be a good but my wife gave me the suggestion of bitterling. I will maybe take a vote on it at a later time, with yours and my wife’s being one of the options. As far as donations go, that was more of an April Fools joke, but when you get employed, I expect a large portion of each check, much like the government takes from you.
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Do we get bitter-shares to become rich with you when you’ll be a bitter-billionaire? 😉
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You might get a few cent on every billion. Did you like my April Fool’s post? Well, this isn’t one. Give me money.
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LOL! Good one I hope you’ll get rich and famous… So I can brag about being one of your 10 000 first bitter-followers! 😉
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Yep. You are one of the priveleged first 10,000. Just imagine if you gave me a million dollars though. You would be able to piggy back off my fame.
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Hehehe… I’ll make sure to transfer every dime I can spare to make your dreams come true! I mean, what could be more important than that, right?? 😉
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Nothing could be more important.
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I’ll keep that in mind!! 🙂
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As long as it is on the top of your mind.
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Always!! 😉
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Wish I could help, but my job in the essential oil business just ended a couple of weeks ago, so my cash flow just ended. Best of luck, Ben, and may the other benevolent bloggers bestow a bounty of bucks to bolster your book, and may life get better, not bitter.
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The life will never get better, just bitter. It was just kind of an April Fool’s Joke, but when you get you check for a million, I expect you to get me to a billion by contributing.
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Yes, I will contribute, but it will be less than a billion 😀
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Alright, I guess I will take a million then.
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When I get well, everyone gets well
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Sounds good. I can’t wait for you to get well.
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Know any high end New York theatrical producers? Or even low end ones? I just finished a stage play that I’m looking to get produced. There’s a finder’s fee 😉
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I know a lot of famous actors. Will that help? There is Jim Carrey, and Bruce Willis and Clint Eastwood. And when I know them I mean I’ve seen them on TV. Oh, also those guys from South Park. They produced a play there right?
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They did, The Book of Moron, it was a big hit. I also have an idea for a musical, but I’ll need a composer because I can’t read a note of music.
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My daughter and I thought of a couple ideas, but we couldn’t use them because they are copywrited. Well, The Office one would be. We also drive around an old couple and we could use their driving around adventures to craft a true comedy.
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Promising, especially if the old couple are bank robbers.
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They are bank robbers. But more robbers of our time. We even have some songs about them that are hilarious.
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Capital! Bonnie & Clyde meets Cocoon!
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Talk about a good play. I will write it on one condition. That my daughter gets a main part. Nepotism at its finest.
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I’d do the same thing if I had children.
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The best part about having children is the way you can take advantage of them when they get rich. I assume my kids will grow up and be successful humans and then pay me back by giving me a pool house off their mansion.
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A fine plan. Here’s hoping the next generation is more responsible than ours.
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Unfortunately, then next generation is Millennials and all they want to do is talk on camera and become YouTube famous.
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Just as Andy Warhol predicted.
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Dang it. Warhol finally got something right.
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Bad news from me, Ben. I am a lowly factory worker with an underemployed (but hard-working, not dissing the hubby) husband and very bad financial sense, and I made very bad decisions for most of my working life, with the result that, I do not have any money to give you. But when you finally publish your book, I will go to Barns & Noble and purchase one on my over-stressed credit card.
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It’s okay, it was just my version of an April Fool’s joke. Though I do someday hope to get some sort of idea for bitter blog book, it isn’t now. But I will count on you to buy it when I do get it published.
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WHAT??? You have not actually completed a book? I feel betrayed. And disgusted with myself, as I always am when I get caught in an April Fool, which, I almost always do. Because I am a fool. I will buy your future book, unless it is an e-book, because I do not own an e-reader.
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I just need to come up with the idea on how to connect all the tissues of the blog posts. Once I do that, it will be easy as all the posts are already here. Anyways, no e-books for me. I like real paper.
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