Snoring Open House Bitterness

/ bensbitterblog

Please, tell me another one of your boring stories.

Can I please bore you with more things about homes? Because I have certainly gotten bored about homes. I work for a company that does mortgages for people and I write about it them all day. If I’m not blogging about it, I’m Facebooking about it. And of course, we just bought a house recently, so of course, we talk about that extensively.

So here is some even more boring parts about homes. Open houses. They are this pretty sneaky way to see homes that are way above your price range. You walk in pretending to care about buying a home and you are usually greeted by some haggard real estate agent that has had to work for the last five Saturday’s and just can’t tell another person that they really can’t afford this house.

Some of them provide snacks or soda and you get to tour the house unsupervised. There is a wide range of readiness that comes with these houses. Some look like they had a team of cleaners wash the baseboards and sprinkled everything with fairy dust. Others still have the tenants in the house, making breakfast and sleeping in the master bedroom.  Stories are created and ideas are formed about how NOT to do one that way when you have to sell your house.

I thought I was finally done with open houses…until we were driving on the road and saw this:

Yes Please.

All of a sudden, I was interested in open houses again. All of a sudden, I was interested in life again. Dr. Greg G. Pitts, you are my best friend. You finally created an open house that I could get on bored with. (See what I did there?)

I don’t know where you will be on March 29th at 4-6 pm, but I know where I will be. I will be snoring with the fishes. Or sleep with the saws. I can’t think of anywhere in the world I would want to be more. Hanging with my fellow snorers sleeping on a comfortable couch.

I don’t care if they Pope, the President and Kanye are at my house to visit that day. I will drop my plate, grab my pillow and run the 2.2 miles from my house to get this open house. I love TV, and bitter blogging about things, but an open house where I can sleep for two hours in the middle of the day and let my freak flag snore is more my favorite than TV.

Whenever someone wakes me during a nap.

There is nothing in life better than sleeping and snoring. Not only do you get to ignore all problems and go away to your bitter place, but you get to annoy others in the process. How better to annoy someone twice as much as sleeping and snoring? At work, how often do people get mad at you when you sleep? Even more if you snore. Mostly because they are jealous that they can’t sleep and snore like you.

Hope you see you at the open house. Though I will probably igsnore you.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Boring Snoring  Ben

 

 

 

30 thoughts on “Snoring Open House Bitterness”

  1. Oh, and by the way Ben, I have often jotted down the annoying things I felt could or should be done differently, but have never acted upon them. Your blogs have quenched my appetite to do so further, and you’re much more humorous. Thanks.

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      • It used to be like that for me too Ben. As a Marine I was callus towards others, never saw the efforts they put into anything, and found most people useless. However, my breakdown in 2009, and the ensuing 5 years of therapy softened me. Just when we think something is lacking in our lives, someone steps up to fulfill it. So your blog may represent bitterness, but it is bittersweet to me.

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      • I completely and utterly understand.
        I’m pretty sure I don’t have a boyfriend at this point in my life because I have that “get back stare.”
        Also, it could Possibly be all that Resting Bitch Face going on as well due to people annoying the Hell out of me.
        🤔

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  2. I didn’t hear a thing, as we rarely hear ourselves snoring. But my girlfriend and I laughed for days after that, and never told the babysitter it was me instead of a mower. I married this gal 10 years later, and had to make sure I fell asleep before her, because she could snore just as loudly as me.

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  3. I once worked graveyard, and spent the day sleeping. The baby sitter was over to watch the two youngest, and kept checking the outside lawn areas. When I awoke and came out to the kitchen, she was telling me that the damn lawnmower guy had been there all morning, and was glad it didn’t wake me. They’ve seemed to be gone now, she said; but I knew it was me.

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  7. Don’t do it Bitter Ben! You’re going to go in there and get a pitch on oral surgery for ending sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is the thing that makes you snore in the first place. How else can you make other people bitter when they’re trying to sleep, than to snore?

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