Driver’s License Bitterness

/ bensbitterblog

I’ve been driving since before texting was a thing.

I grew up in South Dakota, so I’ve been driving a motorized vehicle since I was 14. I’m quite proud of the fact that I got my first citation in a Chevy Citation before most of you were even thinking about driving. I was driving on what the kids called the Loop in junior high and because I had a light out on the car, and I got pulled over. Scared the CRAP out of me and I couldn’t sleep that night, wondering what kind of beating I would take in the morning.

I just had to go to the police station within 15 days to show that I fixed the light. Speaking of 15 days, I had to get my new Utah driver’s license last night, because reasons, so I went to the DMV on the way home…for the last three nights. On Friday, I walked in, saw the line and walked straight back out. No way was I waiting in that circus of a line.

On Monday, I went back, ready to wait forever if needed. I filled out the paperwork, got to the front of the line, about 30 minutes later, and said I’d like my license please. She laughed at me and said, do you have you paperwork? “Paperwork?”, I gasped. “No, I don’t have any paperwork. Here’s my old Washington license. Just exchange them or whatever.”

You just need to bring in these thousands of things.

“Um, you need like a bunch of paperwork. You know, to prove that you are a living person, you have an identity and that you aren’t living on the street or something.”

“Um, doesn’t my licence from another state prove all that?”

“Nope. So I’ll need your passport, your SS card, your title on your car, title on your house, 4 more forms of ID, a bank statement that you live somewhere, a letter from 3 landlords, a DNA test, a job history, and a season ticket bill from your favorite sports team.”

“Well, I don’t have all that on me right now. But you better be ready tomorrow to give me a frickin license if I bring all that.”

So yesterday, I brought a grocery bag full of all those things, waited in line again for about 30 minutes, and then again in the waiting area for 30 minutes, and finally got to a teller. I spilled all the paperwork on the counter and said, “Gimme a license.”

He LOLed at all of it, said, “Um this one doesn’t show your new address.”

I LOLed right back and said, “HERE ARE 10 FORMS OF ID. PRETEND ONE OF THEM WORKS!” He found something, and made me take the eye test. I got all the right letters, and he said, “Are you wearing contacts?”

“Nope. I got that lasik surgery that was supposed to allow me to shoot lasers out of my eyes, but they only fixed my vision.”

He told me to pay $25 and I was ready for him to hand me my license that I had been trying to get for 3 days now.

“Great. Now you just need to proceed over to station 19.”

“Wait, whuuuut? What is station 19? You’re not talking about station 19 over there where all the teenagers are taking a written test, right?”

“LOL. Of course you do. Just need to get 20 out of 25 to pass.”

“Oh wait. You aren’t kidding. Really. I have to take the written test. I haven’t had to take that since I was 15.”

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

I went over to STATION 19. “Uh yes, I’m here to take a written test. That I passed when I was 15. And I’ve been driving terribly since before you were born. Tell me I don’t really have to take it.”

“LOL. So since you are old, you can have an open book. No cheating with your phone though!”

Taking my driver’s test.

I spent 40 minutes and multiple minutes per question, because I was not going to fail this thing and have to take it again. I passed, with bitter rage in my face.

“Name please?”

“Bitter Ben. The 44 year old here, who had to take a written test to get a driver’s license. Like seriously.”

“LOL, looooks like you passed. Um, here is your temporary piece of crap paper license. Your real one will come in 12-18 months. It expires in 18 months. We’ll see you again in a year and a half! Make sure to study, cause the test is going to get harder!”

OUTTA MY WAY!

I ran out of there as fast as I could. Jumped in my car and proceeded to break every speeding law, moving violation, and road rage law there was.

No wonder there are so many accidents on the road.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Road RAGE Ben

51 thoughts on “Driver’s License Bitterness”

  1. didja ever see that Taxi episode where everyone who werx there has to take THE TEST? (presumably (in the show) nobody had an axual license). The character JIM (played by Christopher Lloyd) asks whoever’s taking the test in the seat ahead of him:
    “what does a yellow light mean?”
    “slow down” the other guy answers.
    “w h a a a t
    d o e s
    a
    y y y e e l l l o w
    l I t e
    m m e a a a n n ?”
    “slow down” the guy in front answers.
    “w w w h h h a a
    ”

    you git the pixure, eh? funny show. & I haven’t felt whatever it was I felt before about yellow lights since.

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  2. Bitter Ben ~
    I have to say, driving in SD is a Straight-Away! You can drive there with your eyes closed and almost not hit anything! LOL!
    I sincerely feel your pain though.
    The only thing worse than the DMN is the IRS >wink<

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  3. Ohhh, all that sounds unpleasant… I just had to retake my test too, about a year ago. I didn’t know and brought the kids with me and they sat me at a computer to take it while my kids wiggled around and kept slapping the screen. I somehow passed, but NOT FUN.

    Glad you made it through 👍

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      • Which is why I don’t live there anymore. Couldn’t stand the DMV. They also wanted to yank my husbands license after he was in an accident with no insurance, waaaay back in 79. It was a chain reaction accident, no way his fault, he offered to pay for the damaged Volkswagen at his friends body shop but she wanted to bring it to the cadillac shop, blah blah blah, such a soap opera, like everything in that state. No, I live in Washington and love how pleasant the DMV is here, lol. Actually we left for other reasons too…

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  7. When we moved to NC, we had to take the test TWICE. The husband and I both failed it the first time. And they were conveniently out of the little book you could use to study with, so we had to drive to a different county to get that so that we wouldn’t fail the second time. The first time we took the test, it featured such important questions as (and I’m not even kidding here), “What is the top speed that a tractor can travel?” WTF? The second time, that wasn’t on the test. So, ummmm, yeah.

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    • Yeah, I think they randomize the test so you never get the same questions. I got a question that asked what color is the “In Progress” light is. It wasn’t anywhere in the freaking book. So dumb.

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  8. This reminds me. Never move to Utah. Or to any other state. I like my license to come automatically in the mail every five years (albeit a few weeks late, due to being delivered to the wrong address).

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  12. omg -I guess I’ll LOL too – but, seriously…can’t stop laughing. First thing, I just watched a show on Netflix Original called “Love” and the main character is from South Dakota.

    Second thing, I moved to Oregon from CA. I still haven’t gotten my OR license yet…for all those reasons. My husband took the test (he’s nearly 50) and got his new license and license plates for our cars. That’s good enough for me. If I’m visiting OR, my CA license is fine…so why do I need to switch (just because I now live here) when I still have 2 years before that expires? I’m not gonna go pay for a new license that doesn’t yet meet the new “security” standards for air travel. I’ll wait my 2 years, and maybe by then, OR will have their IDs updated to the new standard. Just sayin’ makes no sense.

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