They just maketh me bitter.
The nice thing about having a bitter blog is that you always have something to write about. The bad thing about a bitter blog is that you always have something to write about. I could have choosen to write about a dozen things this morning because oh my gosh it is freaking Monday, after a weekend where I had to do a lot of moving and daylight savings time. I’m sure I’ll get to all that, but today, I have a different gripe.
My clothes.
I don’t have a lot of clothes. I’ve never been a huge fan of wearing them, especially formal type clothes. I’m not a fan of shirts with tight collars because it feels like they are strangling me on purpose. I’m also not a fan of tight shirts because my belly need a little real estate to run. Also not a fan of tight pants because well my boys need some real estate as well. Matching clothes as my wife can attest is something that seems to elude me.
I might as well be color blind because I can’t tell the difference between dark blue and black and my wife is always telling me to never wear blue and black together, and yet almost always I do. By the time she tells me to change, it is too late because I’m already comfortable wearing what I am, so I defiantly don’t change.
The worst thing about clothes is that they are a natural enemy with food. At least 14 times a day, I’m eating food and spilling on my clothes. And you know the kind of food I eat. Greesy, messy, stainy food. The things that spill almost never get on the floor, or my skin, or the plate I’m eating. Food is attracted the one piece of clothes that you want to maintain the cleanest. And of course, my mouth that has only been eating for 44 years, cannot seem to keep each and every greasy thing inside, it always let a little drip on my clothes.
Who will win? Food or clothes?
I think my clothes actually yell at the top of their lungs at my food to “come at them bro” (though I don’t think clothes have very good lungs). And I think my food is like, “bring it clothes!”
They might be the Capulets and the Montague’s. They are always at each other’s throats and always yelling at the top of their lungs. I think clothes are always getting pummeled with stains and grease, and food is always getting hair and threads from clothes in them.
It’s a non- ending battle that will continue for eternity and something that even Tide Pods can’t stop.
And Tide Pods are a subject for another day.
ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Bitter Battle of Clothes and Food Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Actually, you don’t really need any “Friends” per,se, in college to help you get your paper clothing business off the ground. There are enough students in colleges who are willing to do design work for you for a song and their work is often very good. I had a student put a song to sheet music for me once … He charged me less than a Hundred Dollars for putting all the notes down on paper …. The guy who wrote the song took the sheet music, copyrighted it, and had it reprinted and sold thousands of copies. He later sold the rights to the song to ASCAP and it became a hit for a well-known country performer of a few years ago. (1980s.).
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That sounds something that I would do. Meaning, I would probably give away this useless blog to someone then they would make millions of dollars off of it.
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There are more important things in life than a million dollars.
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Yeah, like a couch and a fridge that delivers to the couch.
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I have often thought of keeping my wardrobe filled with disposable clothing so that I never have to worry about laundering them — just wear them for a week and throw them into the bin of used clothing headed for the local Veterans’ reclamation facility. Of course I don’t do that. My wardrobe is very basic — a few assorted denim jeans, some black Tee shirts and a few sports jackets to wear over the jeans. (Plus, of course, the necessary seasonal stuff such as overcoat and winter gear.) Food on my clothing? Not usually a problem because I pay precise attention to manipulating my utensils and chewing each mouthful of food 28 times. Great blog here, mate! I am bookmarking it and will return again.
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I am always in such a hurt that I spill constantly. And as far as clothes, I only have the basics and would prefer disposable clothes too. Is there a service that will offer a clothes by mail that can disposed? I think we would both be on board with that.
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I believe the disposable clothing is still in the infancy stage although there were some attempts to revive it in the 1960s (Paper womens’ dresses, etc., ) but there are still some items that can be purchased and here is a link you might find interesting: http://www.mrdisposable.com/
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That does sound interesting. Perhaps I should invest in this company or at least some of their paper clothes.
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One great idea is to get a college friend who is studying clothing design and collaborate with him or her on designs and then think about getting a patent or copyright on the designs and then think about forming a limited corporation to market the items …
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I don’t have many friends, let alone any in college. Though I do have a few neices and nephews I could make do my bidding. I can just claim they are doing it for their family.
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Ridiculous! M clothes and my food never fight. They are attracted to one another with a passion unparalleled elsewhere!
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Mine want to punch each other in the faces all the time. They have quite the contentious relationship.
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You could solve the problem of food dripping on your clothing by growing a beard, but I suppose then you’d be bitter about your beard catching the drips. Keep in mind, it’s easier to wash and quicker to dry.
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I can’t stand beards. They make me bitter. I grow it for a week and it starts itching like crazy and I have to shave it off before it drives me insane.
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The itch goes away, but it does take a while. Usually at least one more day than “ARRRGH! I can’t stand it anymore!” Rip van Winkle might have had the right idea, but went perhaps a bit too far.
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Yeah, I think Rip Van Winkle did have the right idea. Sleep is my favorite and being awake is the worst. If I have to grow a beard, it should be while sleeping. Just don’t wake me up.
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It doesn’t even have to be a real beard either. The “Drip and Drop” beards could come in packs of 12 and be washable and reusable. (Kind of like the false teeth I wanted the dentist to make out of hard sugar so that when one set dissolved away, it could be replaced by another and the teeth would also come in packs of 12 and would cost around $2,000 per pack and would last for about a year.
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That sounds like a solid business plan. I go 80/20 on that with you. You do 80 percent of the work, and get 20% of the business.
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I have always “Gotten The Business” on anything I have tried. So I don’t try too much anymore.
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Yeah, I always try to take advantage of people on business, which is why no one ever wants to go into business with me.
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Dear bensbitterblog — I have always managed to take advantage of people too but my business grew so vast that people were clamoring to do business with me anyway. I guess it’s all in how you manage your assets and … properly played … taking advantage of others can be an asset … a very valuable asset.
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I wish I was better at taking advantage of people. I guess I’m just too lazy.
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Genius ideas. If only they would work…
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That is my problem with everything. None of them actually work.
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And if you happen to be under 5 ft 8 in NOTHING (besides socks & underwear, maybe) fits right. “Big and Tall” stores? Feh. Show me a place that has stuff that’s a fellow 5 ft 6 in withOUT needing to hemmed, hawwed, modified, tailored, tinkered, etc. and THEN perhaps I might be impressed. Yeah, I know, there is ONE place (in NYC, yet, so ‘mail order’) that claims to have such. Guess what size & color/style they do not have in stock? Yep, exactly the stuff I’d order.
I have this nagging suspicion that this *is* Hell and we’ve been cursed with the ability to imagine even worse so we don’t fully realize the Awful Truth.
But at least right now I am home. And alone. And I am wearing…. well, lets not get into that, but I am *comfortable* and Hell can go to itself!
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Wow, your comments are pretty much guest blog posts. I figure just add a picture and I could make this a weekly reblog. And yeah, I at least have many big and tall areas I can go to.
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Just don’t eat the pods!
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I’m sorry. I didn’t get the memo before I ate them for dinner.
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Are you sure my husband didn’t ask you to write this? This post accurately describes his feelings.
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Yeah, he did. He paid me lots of money, so I couldn’t resist.
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