Super Bowl of Chili

/ bensbitterblog

I’m talking about the 2014 film starring Omni Tommila and some other guy right?

Today is the big game! Get your chili, your cheesy fries, and your couch ready because football’s ultimate game is today. We could talk about the millions of pounds of food consumed. We could talk about all the millions of dollars spent on gambling and prop bets (those weird ones like what color will Justin Timberlake’s eyes be when he comes on the field) or players stats. We can talk about how expensive commercials are, what the players are doing to prepare, even the counter-programming other channels are doing to bring eyeballs to their stations during the game. We’ll talk about legacy and upstarts and maybe mention some of the big highlights of the year.

There is so much to talk about when it comes to Game Day madness. But you know what we aren’t talking about? The Super Bowl. Those two words, said together are copyrighted.  So no one is allowed to say their name, without consequences or without the prior written consent by the NFL, or some mumbo jumbo. Do you notice how all these advertisers never mention the Super Bowl, because they are afraid of the big bully, the NFL will take their lunch money if they say the wrong words?

Well, I don’t know if you know this about me, but I am a little bitter. Bitter about most things, especially when being told to do things. When someone tells me to do work, I generally stare off into space and ignore them. When someone tells me that I can’t go someplace, I will have an airplane ticket their within the next 10 years. If you say I can’t be a sit down comedian, you better believe I will be telling unfunny jokes from a chair, a sofa or any other sitting device as soon as you tell me I can’t.

See how much I’m making this guy chuckle?

So, here you go, NFL. I’m not watching the big game. I not watching football’s greatest professional ultimate prize heavyweight fight. I’m watching the Super Bowl. Super Bowl, Super Bowl, Super Bowl. And also, I have a really big bowl of chips and I’m calling it a Super Bowl too. So take that. All my 10,000 followers will fight you. And if I ever get fined for saying this, I know for a fact that all of them will step up and pay that fine for me. Because we will stand united against Super Bowlery and their bulliness. Right guys?

Guys?

Does it feel empty in this blog today?

Hello?

Uh, okay I gotta go. I have some chili to eat while I watch the Big Game.

ARRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Super Bowl Ben

30 thoughts on “Super Bowl of Chili”

  6. Ben, our relationship has entered the TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH ZONE, so I will proceed with a cautionary tale of what happens when someone says the following words, in any order: No. You Can’t. That’s not allowed. You are breaking the rules. You’re going where? And, Calm down, what will the neighbors think? I sigh, I rant, I rave, I throw, I rebel. And sir, may I say that you DO MAKE BITTER BETTER. 🙂

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  8. All right, Ben! Even a rich owner is Super Bowl-bitter–https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/its-super-bowl-lii-and-falcons-owner-is-still-bitter-about-28-3/vp-BBICy2e
    [But then, wouldn’t you be if your team gagged it in the second half last year?]
    And yes, the NFL has bigger problems–like how it allows the last two minutes of a game to last 25 minutes. I timed them. Pitiful. Then again, more time for reaching into your Super Bowl of Queso-Nacho-Chili Surprise.
    Stay bitter: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/BOP5PBIghhc/hqdefault.jpg

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  10. I am so bitter about the Super Bowl this year, I am not even watching it. Seems like it is the same story, same team, same people in it every year…oh wait, it is! I don’t believe I should subject myself to a tired story line. I especially am not going to watch that “pretty” guy and his whiny attitude and false humbleness win again. He debatably may be the best to have ever played, but that still doesn’t mean I wanna watch him.

    The only bad thing about not watching is I gotta eat as some point today, but the stores have been cleaned out of anything snack-ish and all the pizza joints have been overrun and there is no pizza left in the county. I guess I may have to figure out what that green stuff in the freezer is…

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