Delicious Moments

/ bensbitterblog

Guess he didn’t get his delicious moment.

Hopefully, you all watch The Office, because that is the language I speak in. Everything in life relates to couches, pizza, and The Office. Since I assume you all watch it and know every episode by heart, I’m just going to go straight into it.

Remember the episode of the Office when Andy finally takes the Office back from Nelly? He knows that he has the office back at the beginning of the day, but decides to be the janitor so he can get a delicious moment. You know delicious moments. You wait for them your whole life. The day you get your dream job, and you can raise your hands in the air and scream at the top of your lungs that you got it! Or that day you win the lottery, and you can walk into your dream job office and tell all your annoying co-workers you won, and then you tell them where they can go.

I’ve been waiting for this moment since May 2016. I’ve known since that day, we were moving here and that we were going to get our own home. The problem is that we’ve had to go through steps to get there. Many steps that have each on their own taken months longer than we expected.

First, we had to sell our home in Seattle. Easy, peasy right? One of the most expensive places to live and in a desirable school district that people would sell their firstborn to get into. Even though their firstborn was the reason they wanted to move into that school district. Thought I would have the delicious moment there. You know the one. A picture in front of your house with the sold sign where we triumphantly sold it for list price. Didn’t happen. The day the actual sign went up on our house, we found out that we would have to pay a ton of money to fix our septic.

Well, we got the three crayons at least.

Then I thought I would get a delicious moment when I finally got to quit my job of 15 years. You know, an appreciative office of co-workers that wanted to send me off into the sunset with accolades and lots of money and them begging me not to go because they office would fall apart without me. I walked into the office to tell my boss and she was like okay, thanks for telling me. Then proceeded to go back to what she was doing before. Last day they got me a pizza and asked for my security key back.

Then I thought the last day in Seattle we thought thousands of friends would show up to help us move and throw a surprise party where they would talk about how we were secretly their favorite people and when we left, the neighborhood and church would fall apart without us. The last day in Seattle, I moved our stuff into the truck all day and two neighbors showed up to help us put the last few items in the truck. The morning of, we pulled out and our agent was speeding to our house and missed us as we pulled out.

We moved here so I could go back to school. I thought I would graduate with honors (I did) and the college would find me a dream job with all my great grades. All I got was a list of places that I could intern for free for, or minimum wage for.

Then I thought when I got my job, we could triumphantly start looking for houses. The job I got was essentially just an internship that gave me experienence for three months. Nothing delicious, just a bunch of moments.

Then I finally got this job, permanent and we could finally start looking for jobs. I thought it would take a month and we would be in our dream home. Just one triumphant moment when we would get a picture of us with the key to our new home. After seeing how I’m never going to get my delicious moment, I’m envisioning how the home thing is going to go. I will finally get into a house, but we will get a bill every month and continual bitter moments where I will have to move things in, get things set up, deal with continual problems with the house and never getting a television that is the right size.

I feel you, Andy. I can’t wait to see what a disaster my retirement will be.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Delicious Moments Ben

27 thoughts on “Delicious Moments”

  3. I empathize with you on leaving a job in a disappointing way. My employer was so angry with me for resigning, that he pretty much ignored me for the two weeks after I submitted my resignation.

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  8. You gotta learn to enjoy the anticipation, Ben. Because most of those delicious moments will never happen. And if they do, they won’t be as delicious as you hoped. Good luck with your money pit, I mean, house. Keep calm and bitter on, my friend. 🙂

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