I used to love American Idol. And by love it, I mean mocking all the hundreds of people that watched it. I guess you could say I was the hipster of American Idol because I liked it before it was cool. Not American Idol per say, but this show on WB that came before Idol existed. Because I thought Idol was just a cheap copy of that show, I never watched it. I was forced to hear about it for years from people at work, all the entertainment networks, and I’ve had to hear Kelly Clarkson and all those other musicians singing bad songs for years.
We all know Paula Abdul and Simon were insane right? So why did you people all still watch them over and over again? Now I hear that American Idull is coming back. Guess who will continue not to watch them? I think the country is pretty tapped out for singers by the way. With The Voice, the new one with Diddy and American Idol again coming out, I think every last person has been given a singing audition. They came to my house the other day and I was like, um, don’t sing, but thanks.
What they need to do is something way more exciting than watching people sing terribly. I think they should do a show called American Idle. One in which, they follow the adventures of people like me who are lazy. Watch just how much goes into being lazy. How you have to have mad skills in avoiding parties. How you have to figure out ingenious ways of not only laying on the couch but staying there. Ways of figuring out how to turn kids into fetchers of things, so you never have to leave the couch.
It’s not easy being idle, and there is a science to it. People like me need to be celebrated by how well we do it. And there needs to be a competition, in which people with no competitive spirit compete to win prizes that help them become more lazy. Things like those chairs that go up and down stairs. Recliners that include refrigerators. Chairs that have showers.
We need some personalities like Lazy Gaga. You know you want to see this. You know you are tired of watching Amazing Race on TV and feeling like that is something you could never do. You are tired of being out of breath when you watch something on TV. Let’s start this show, and showcase the people that never get their due. The non movers and non shakers of the world that make America great. The ones that actually have the fortitude to go on a vacation and make it a relaxcation.
So I know I’m not hosting it. I will be competing in it. And by competing, I mean letting sitting here like a cursor on a computer screen.
ARRRRGGHHHHHHHH
Bitter Idle Ben
Excellent stuff. We write about similar things, only you do it in prose and I do it in verse. Guess that’s why I like your blog 🙂
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Bitterness is a pretty easy subject to write about. It is all around us, so how can we not write about it?
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Maybe not, but one man truly perfect that art form. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjKB0rc3V_g
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He is quite the hero. I aspire to be him someday.
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And I do it with vulgarity, sarcasm and zero coherence whatsoever. But hey each his own.
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Carazy good idea! It ain’t easy being lazy . . .
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It is a lot of hard work, but I have dedicated my life to it, and I should probably see it through.
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Car Crash TV with a happy ending for the lucky few … just like life, really!
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Yes, car crash TV is pretty fun. Just from the gifs I find for my blog every week, there is enough gifs for make a decade’s worth of TV.
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I so agree with you! No more singing contests, please!! Every single idea that has ever been thought of as “hey, this will look good on TV” has been done. Bring back television test patterns and testing the Emergency Broadcast System. Those have not be re-done and are not in syndication….
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Now that would be something to watch. Kind of on the Truman Show when they put the graphic for technical difficulties and it was the highest rated hour on television.
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Here here, and make it a 6 hour telecast – live!
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I’m sure people would be riveted. I bet they would love to watch me watch tv for hours on end. Oh and I guess other people.
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I’d watch and live vicariously through American Idle. Which one of us is going to pitch it to the CW?
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I would pitch it, but I’m too lazy. So you should, but just tell everyone that it was my idea and that I should get all the money for it.
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I think I’d win American Idle. Just saying..
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You would have some stiff competition, by most of the country, and mostly by me.
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Gold!! Loved this, let the show go on air.
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It’s about time someone is ready to bankroll this show. You are bankrolling it right?
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Sure…. just need to um visit a few banks with my mate tommy gun lol
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Tommy is a pretty reliable partner, so just let me know when the withdrawal’s are done so we can get this business of the ground.
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A TV show like this has a short shelf life in terms of being magical, unforgettable. Some shows need to die and go away and AI is one of them.
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AI definitely needs to go away permanently. Thankfully, I don’t have a TV so I don’t have watch that crap.
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Brilliant. Lmfao
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Why hasn’t someone done this yet?
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You have my man. It’s all you
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I wish it was all me, but I’m pretty much too lazy.
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The host will be someone nagging people to go mow the lawn.
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I could definitely be the nag, if I wasn’t so lazy. Maybe we will find someone else to do it. Are you available?
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Why even bother with the competition in that case? You’re sure to be the winner!
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Exactly. It’s essentially just my way of actually winning something for once. Or course, just like I always do, I will manage to find a way to get second and not get anything.
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Thank God for you today….didn’t think it was humanly possible to laugh. 🙂
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So you must have had a bitter day. I hope you know there is plenty more bitterness where this came from.
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very funny and lady gaga – lol
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I’m pretty sure if I ever have a stage name, if it isn’t Bitter Ben then it will be something to do with lazy.
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I can see that (and have a nice day BBB)
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I don’t normally have what people would call a nice day, but I’ve heard people have those. I hate to do this to you, but maybe you should have a nice day.
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and now that you mention it – how the heck do we define a nice day – maybe I should think of a different send off tagline….
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For instance, today was windy, cold and snowy and it hasn’t snowed all winter. So I would call it a bitterly cold day.
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I feel ashamed, I’ve never watch American Idol and it sounds like something I could get into!
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Idol was terrible. Idle is probably the one you were talking about.
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