I used to be a huge fan of Home Improvement. Not my own home, not even close. Like I’ve ever lifted a finger to improve anything. Nope, just a fan of Tim the Tool man who revolutionized the whole “really good at fixing things” but accident prone enough to make it funny. I loved all the cool thematic rooms he would make for men. I mean a men’s bathroom that had a TV and a lazy bowl recliner? I would never have to leave the bathroom.
Anyways, he did this episode that I will never forget. He was having a little trouble with Jill, his wife because he thought she had a bad sense of direction. So he talks to Wilson his trusty neighbor, who always gave him some facts, that Tim proceeds to mess up when he talks to Jill. Anyways, Wilson tells him that the reason why men might have a better direction is because they have more iron in their noses. So Tim tells Jill he is sorry and that the reason why he has a better sense of direction is because he has more iron in his boogers.
Cue the laughs.
Obviously that isn’t true at all. Women have a fantastic sense of direction. Except one big exception. Heard of this woman? Her name is Siri and I don’t think she likes me very much. On top of that, she isn’t very good at listening.
Yesterday, we were trying to go to yet another house that we would either not like or miss out on because we didn’t offer enough, and we hadn’t been there yet. So, we decided to ask the so-called dependable Siri (my wife’s phone. I don’t have the rotten apple with a bite out of it as my phone), who is supposed to solve all our problems, where this house was. So she proceeds to first ignore me. So I say it again. My wife and daughter are laughing at me.
“You have to hold down the button and then wait for the beep.” Oh, so she’s like everyone else huh? You have to wait for their very specific beep before you ask them a question? Alright, so I wait patiently for the beep to come on, and then ask her very politely to show us the correct direction, then as soon as I take my hand off the button, I bitterly tell her she sucks.
Thankfully, I don’t think she heard me. She gives me directions to the town, but somehow thinks I meant the town in NY, only 2142 miles away. Don’t worry though. She assures me it is only a 1 day and 7 hour drive from there. Of course, that is if we don’t take any bathroom, gas or food breaks. Oh, and don’t forget all the traffic we will run into in the plains of Nebraska.
Maybe she did hear me, but decided to direct me to another town out of spite. To be honest, I think she hears everything we say and reports it all to the office of Steve Jobs, where they are listening and recording things to make fun of us.
Actually, they are taking all the information and sharing it with Google so they can do some majorly funny pranks on us. Or just me. I think Siri is probably listening to you all right now, whether you have your hand on the button or not. And she just doesn’t have a sense of direction, so she is just pretending she can’t hear us.
Well, I have to go. My Alexis is telling me it is time to get to work. Can’t disappoint the ladies.
ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Directionally Challenged Ben
You think you’re bad? You got nothing on me.
https://sitdowncomedy.blog/2017/07/01/straight-line-to-nowhere/
Just saying. lol
LikeLike
Sounds like Siri would get you at least closer than you would yourself. I guess she is good for something.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seems like w-a-y too many ladies controlling a man’s life. 😛 What’s up with that?! 😉
I wrote a blog in March 2017 about my GPS lady Gina:
https://doesitevenmatter3.wordpress.com/2017/03/15/gina-pakulski-santoro-d/
I’m sure Gina would be glad to join with Siri and Alexis to help you get directionally unchallenged. Let me know and I can send her over.
HUGS!!! 🙂
LikeLike
I’m used to ladies controlling my life. I have a wife and a daughter and many of my followers are also ladies, also telling me where to go!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha Then you can leave the directions up to them. 😀
LikeLike
Yep, they pretty much tell me all the right ways to go the wrong way. Then I tell them, oh it was probably my fault.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My wife has been telling me where to go for years. But I am dense like wood and end up with splinters in my backside when she hits me with a two by four.
LikeLike
Mine too. I’m afraid my wife tells me to always go to hot places…the desert…
LikeLike
hahahah, only 2142 miles away….laughed. I’m quite happy with Google Maps and its navigation, never got disappointed. Their Assistant software isn’t too bad either, but I don’t see a good use case scenario for.
LikeLike
She got confused. Silly Siri. I guess the bad rap us guys get for not listening extends to the females as well.
LikeLike
Well, I couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag…but let’s not stereotype!
LikeLike
I wasn’t stereotyping. I was saying that women have a great sense of direction. No sarcasm.
LikeLike
Some cities are designed to get you lost. A road starts off in one direction, then meanders off in another direction, and twists back again, all the while changing its name three times. There should be a global law that all cities must lay out their roads on a north-south and east-west grid. If the contours of the land interfere with that pattern – bulldoze it into submission! No exceptions.
LikeLike
Luckily I have enough boogers in my nose to be able to find my way to most places. However, I visited San Antonio and literally got lost in downtown every single day. I don’t know what they did with the streets there, but I think there was some Voodoo magic going on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They just need to program eyes into siri so she can give you attitude. Then it would make sense why so many screens are cracked LOL. Thanks for the like.
LikeLike
I know right? Somehow this $1000 device has a feature that makes you mad about it. I mean all she has to do is look up a map. I could do that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can usually take directions, but I’m physically directionally challenged. It makes for great adventures, Ben!
LikeLike
I bet it does. But if you ever want to go in the wrong direction on purpose, ask Siri!
LikeLiked by 1 person
My sat-nav (GPS) once told me to “stay on this road for a LONG time”…. how long is a piece of string Phylis??? (What we call our sat-nav)
LikeLike
Ah so your Siri is Phylis? I think it would be great if her voice was like Phylis from the office.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t watch the office, but she has a posh English accent. 🙂
LikeLike
I unlove Siri so much that I’ve disabled her. I would totally eradicate her if possible. She has no sense of direction or a sense of humor.
LikeLike
Yeah. We had all these expectations for her like her bringing us to food and changing the channel, but all she does is search the internet for us, which is pretty useless.
LikeLike