Shiny, Happy People

/ bensbitterblog

Can they at least pretend to be miserable?

Here I am stuck at work, again during the holidays. I don’t know what it takes to get a gig where you get the entire holiday off scott free (I guess you have to be a teacher or a pint sized human person), but I need to figure that thing out. Maybe the whole not having to go to school for two weeks when I, myself, was a tiny human person, was setting me up for a lifetime of disappointment.

Or maybe it was the huge expectations I had of being billionaire. One of those things.  Maybe there is one good thing about all this. The traffic is better. Though there are still cars on the highway, and they must be paying extra special attention to annoying me, because they are still finding ways to make my trip bitter.

The thing that really annoys me though is the fact that the holidays always bring people together as families. Families are supposed to get on people’s nerves. I mean mine do. The extra time spent together, usually give rise to extra arguments. Fights, bitter jealousies, extra eyerolls, terrible food, all the extra crowds at stores should be leading to more holiday crankiness.

It isn’t happening. When I go to the store at lunch, I’m seeing families spending time together and smiling. I drive home and off on the sidewalks, I see families walking together. Yesterday, I even saw a couple on one of those Segway things. Not arguing, not trying to run each other over, not even whining about how bitter cold it was outside. What is wrong with people these days? I understand they probably go home and yell and argue, but whatever happened to good old PDD’s (public displays of disaffection)?

It would be great if you could at least crash on those things like this guy.

…and this guy.

…oh and this guy.

…and for good measure this girl.

I miss the days of people not getting along where I could see them. If I am going to be miserable at work, I want people miserable at home, on the roads, in the stores and together. Is that really too much to ask?

Maybe I need to start bringing tablets, phones and laptops around and delivering them to all the happy little boys and girls, and get them distracted again. This whole “paying attention” to others around the holidays is getting out of hand. The board games need to stop making people interact. The new toys need to stop bringing people together and putting smiles on faces.

I know January, the miserable weather and the doldrums that going back to jobs will bring that soon enough, but it isn’t soon enough for me. This week needs to work way harder at making people miserable.

Come on, people. I know you are upset and bitter inside. Just let it come out so we can get back to normal here, way sooner.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Week Between Holidays Ben

18 thoughts on “Shiny, Happy People”

  1. As a follower of all your bitterness, I can say that nothing warms my grinch-like heart and brings me more holiday cheer than a family in a public display of full verbal meltdown. Stressed out, over-worked and under-paid parents…a couple of needy, greedy little snowflakes by their sides …ah!, the holidays.

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  5. Those shiny happy people are just putting on a front because you are looking at them. As soon a you glance away, they are bitterly miserable. I am off work this week, because my place of employment decided to shut down and not have to pay everybody for a few days (apparently that’s a thing). I am wallowing in my post-Christmas letdown, as bitter and miserable as you could ask for, but at least I got to sleep in a little. I will be even more bitter when I return to work next week. I hope that helps.

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  6. Late bitter Christmas to you, Ben! I’m sorry to read that people aren’t more aware of the effect their non-bitterness is causing you! People are so selfish, and selfcentered these days… Walking around being happy, or at least pretending to be. I am frowning while writing this comment, to make up for the overflow of joy and cheerfullness around you!

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      • Oh! I wasn’t aware that was just a Canadian thing…. I’ll go to bed that much wiser (there’s still a lot of work to be done about that!)

        I did enjoy it, just not the bitter way, like many of my fellow Canadians from coast to coast! I stayed home, enjoyed my mermaid tail, and took things easy! I tried shopping on that day one year, and believe me, I packed up my share of bitterness for a couple of years in just a couple of hours. I’ll try it again only if they allow people to carry a baseball bat!

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      • Boxing Day is no great shakes here. The usual line ups at 2am at Best Buy only to have the sale extended ALL week. Like last year. Short memories we have.

        Ironically, there was a 3 hour line at the border that day – you know, to get those AMERICAN Boxing Day deals in Bellingham WA. Black Friday is eclipsing Boxing Day up here! Where do people get the money? Oh yeah, they don’t, that’s why we Canadians have the highest debt loads in the Western Arm of the Milky Way!

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