Bitter Laugh Tracks

/ bensbitterblog

It’s funny because she wears a wig that makes her unrecognizable in public!

When my kids were young they liked to watch Disney shows. While Disney is really good at making future stars out of these young actors and actresses, they are really bad at making them funny. At least at that age. The shows are terrible. And they certainly aren’t funny unless you are a kid who thinks anything is funny. They hide the fact that they aren’t funny by this thing we all know and dislike called a laugh track. That shiz is ridiculous.

I kept thinking that laugh tracks were huge waste of time, until I thought about them being used in a different way. Instead of just using them for stupid kids shows, we could use them for much better things. How about anytime we are in a social situation, in which stupid people are not privy to something we say or do being completely funny, we just shock them with a little laugh buzzer. Then they would have a way better idea of what your sense of humor was and if they didn’t laugh, at least you get the canned laughter to keep you going. They would help in those uncomfortable situations where you are the only person laughing and everyone else is just staring at you.

But let’s not stop with a laugh track. There could be a bitter track. Whenever you are busy and can’t deal with people, or not busy and can’t deal with people, there would be some sort of sensor that would track people nearby that would give them an, “ooooh” that would warn them that you are not in the mood. Then only really oblivious people would bother you. But then it would give them a tiny shock and a Pavlov’s dog kind of thing would start happening. After a while, even oblivious people would start keeping back whenever you needed them to.

For those triumphs when you completed your stairmaster training.

There could also be an dramatic track. Whenever you had a huge triumph, such as getting a raise, getting rid of a clingy significant other, or just walking into a room for dramatic effect, loud, dramatic, pounding classical music would start playing. If you paid enough for the extras you could even have explosions going off behind you. No more worrying that no one cares about your huge accomplishments. Though some people probably wouldn’t have to worry much, since they don’t do any worth celebrating.

For those people that don’t really accomplish things, but just have bad things happen to them, there would be the drama track. It would alert everyone that something bad happened to them and you should immediately come and talk to them and console them. It would allow them to not have to sigh really loudly, or make them wait for you to ask them how their day is going to start the big, long whoa is me explanation they have been waiting to tell you. Just a little drama track to let you know how they want to vent. This would also allow people who aren’t enablers to steer clear when they don’t want to get involved.

Let’s start to get some use out of these laugh tracks instead of just using them for Disney shows.

What are some tracks you could make better use of?  

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Emotional Tracks Ben

37 thoughts on “Bitter Laugh Tracks”

  1. My brain instantly went to the bitter & irreverent… like hitting the laugh track button whenever your boss talks or whenever it could be used for sarcastic comedy ends.

    Like

    Reply

  4. Funny stuff, BitterBen!!! 😛

    Well, I pest, therefore I am. So, my friends might say a tornado warning siren might be helpful for those I am about to pest. 😀

    Hey! Some people might not find me so pest-y after listening to that! 😛

    Personally, I’d love to have this track play as I enter rooms:

    HUGS!!! 🙂
    BTW: I am a fun fun FUN pest! 😀

    Like

    Reply

  5. Excellent post! I proposed that very idea on a blog post called I Had a Dream about a month ago. It’s technically too much work, but fun to think of, to have a laugh track at your beck and call!

    Like

    Reply

    • I appreciate you letting me steal your post idea and not giving you credit. That was so nice of me. I need to go read that post so I can see how much of it I stole from you. Either that or bitter minds think alike….mmm probably me just stealing.

      Like

      Reply

  8. I think I’d need a constant soundtrack…. People always say I am sneaky. I just don’t make noise when I enter a room, and when people finally notice me, they jump up. And people make seem to think that I do that on purpose, when really, I think it is a clear sign of the excitement my presence brings them…. I can’t help it if I am stealthy!

    Come to think again, I’d turn it off during the night, though. And when I nap… And when I DO sneak on people deliberately!

    Like

    Reply

Your Bitter Comments

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.