CouchLust

/ bensbitterblog

Too much work if you ask me.

Some people really like to travel. I know, because I am an avid glimpser of other people’s blog. Well, maybe that isn’t true. Maybe I just look at the pretty pictures. But what I do know is that there are a lot of travel blogs dedicated to being on the road more than they are at home. I guess that would be an okay thing, but traveling seems almost as exhausting as working.

Oh, believe me, I’ve been tricked into going places for vacations. I’ve been to many places in the United States. I’ve even been to Mexico and Canada before. It is nice to be away from work (when you are paid to be so), but having to go through extra effort when you don’t have to? Seems like not so much of a vacation to me.

We twice went to Orlando, home of Mickey Mouse. Apparently a town in Florida is represented by a mouse. You know, those common household pests that no one wants to be trapping? And yet, we have dozens of acres dedicated to this one mouse. Anyways, we went there once for “vacation” during the Christmas season. I’m sure there were hundreds of things we could have done there. Visited the museums. Gone to see a movie. Go sword fighting. But we spent 7 days there. Visiting 6 parks, between Universal and Disney. I’ve walked to the the side of a mountain. I used to run track when I was a kid. I even played basketball and had two hours practices. But I’ve never walked as many miles in 7 days as I did that time. I even documented on this blog about 5 years ago my miserable step by step journey of those seven days.

That is not a vacation. Why people would ever walk that much is beyond me. All I wanted to do was spend valuable daylight sitting by a water source, whether that be a shower, a lake, a stream, a pool, a hot tub or any other water that made it so I didn’t have to stand or walk.

Couchlust at it’s finest.

But my ultimate vacation would be to sit on a couch. Not moving from said couch, even for food. A servant can bring it, a kid, a robot, or even a conveyor belt. I don’t care. But I shouldn’t have to move while on vacation. I shouldn’t have to think on a vacation. I should become one with the couch. Feng Shui should even consider changing the rules to have a bitter white male as part of the practice to help complete the zen of a room. If they ever do, I will volunteer.

While I see there being millions of citizens of the world, craving and lusting after a need to travel, I see myself as a craver of the couch, a Couchluster if your will. Just make sure it is a comfortable one.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Couch Lust Ben

39 thoughts on “CouchLust”

  1. I couldn’t agree more Ben. I love my couch. I especially love that couch doesn’t judge me and is forgiving if I drop a gummie bear or raisinette in between it’s cushions. 😀

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  2. lolol… you’ve changed my view of vacations… I hate traveling… mainly the process itself…if I could will myself to the places I like to see minus the hassle of planes and immigration I would… I’m more of a bed lover, but that makes the entire idea seem so lazy… so i’ll pretend my bed is a couch when I’m on it for hours on end.

    I saw you at Susie’s

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  6. Vacations when I was a kid were venues for my folks to have their most knock down drag out arguments. Funny how holidays are a catalyst for that. Age/wisdom gives you unhappy insights into stuff like that. Suffice to say, I do my damnedest to let the good times roll where my family is concerned on our vacations. Enough about me – enjoy your bitter posts, and thanks for your likes of mine!

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    • I think vacations are always meant to be a fun time for all, but if you have conflicting ideas of what it will be, it can result in some crazy fights. Like where you wanna go, what time you are waking up and how active/inactive you want to be.

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  8. I’m with you, Bitter Ben. I hate traveling too, but when I say this out loud, people look at me like I knelt before the American flag, Travel requires planning, scheduling, time constraints and continuous people contact. These are the same things I have at work. So how is that an escape from my day-to-day?

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  10. I think I prefer the term CouchLust to Couchsurfing. The former seems real easy to do (nothing), while the latter implies some sort of action, which is something that couches aren’t built for. I hope “CouchLust” catches on.

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  11. Argh!
    I think you would hate my blog Ben…I tend to go for walks for fun.

    Ah well. I do agree that travelling holidays can be even more exhausting than working BUT I still love them. I’d not sure about spending that much time in theme parks though. My bitterness would come from having to stand in line, eating sub-par food and be in crowds with soooo many other people.

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    • I can’t imagine going for a walk just for fun. I only do it when my wife and kids force me to go outside. I do respect that you do walk for fun. I just don’t know how you have the energy.
      For me, the Disney excursion was so hard, because my feet were torched after the first day. The rest of the seven days were pure torture on my feet.

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  13. I think MouseLand is the ultimate dream of all and every Canadian kid. I, for one, have been denied the chance to go to any place having something to do with Disney as a child, and I realize just now, how bitter that feels. Thank you very much for the reminder. Ever since I grew old enough to know Mom & Dad would never take me and my brother there, I have developped some kind of a grudge against every Disneyish site. That might explain, in parts why I turned my interest towards the land of big badass Vikings, and their swords, and axes, and cravings to behead anyone on their way….

    Enough with the self-analizing, but I still wanted to add that if your family ever pushes you to take vacation away from home again in the future, I’d recommend Denmark to you. They have amusement parks for the kids… and most important, they have the most amazing couches! During my latest journey, one evening, my bf mentionned how incredibly comfortable he was on our host’s couch, and I thought to myself “Yup… Ben would have looooooved it!”

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