Bitter Copywriter

/ bensbitterblog

You know how most people when they are young have no idea what they want to be when they grow up? Except maybe that they wanted to be a movie star, or a fire fighter, or a ballerina? Surprisingly, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I remember the day it happened. We were in 7th grade and my teacher made us look into careers. The first thing I chose was of course was Accounting, because I am really good at numbers and being boring.

Just kidding I hate numbers and math. And it turns out accounting as I learned in college. Balancing a budget, spreading a sheet, all epic fails. I should have known after I failed 1st grade math.  So I checked the next thing in the alphabet, and advertising came up. I remember that I liked to be creative and make dumb basketball videos with my friends, and all the creative commercials on tv, so I decided on copywriting.

So I pored myself into advertising. I watched a movie once about it and figured that was all I needed to do to become a world famous Super Bowl commercial writing professional. So, I decided to go to school at one of the most elite schools that would  accept me. A junior college in Idaho. For some reason they didn’t have an advertising program, but they did have a business management program that had one advertising class, so I knew that was for me. I epic averaged most of my classes, such as english (didn’t worry, because why would a copywriter need to know how to write?). But one semester, I had Intro to business, Marketing and and Advertising and got A’s in all three of them. So I was a shoe in to be a copywriter write(just kidding, I know it is spelled rite)?

Well, I had to go to another college to finish up, and between my junior and senior years, I searched really really half heartedly for an internship. No one wanted to hire a free slacker, so I just finished up my last year and pretty much figured that since I had a degree they would automatically want to hire me to be their next big thing.

In the meantime, I got a job at a market research firm, which you know, is like almost being a copywriter. Then spent the next years doing customer service, but always glancing at the old advertising gigs that I clearly didn’t have 50 years of experience for.

Fast forward to today and there is this thing new thing called YouTube. Well, it’s been around for 10 years now, and people have mastered it in a way that they are now millionaires, but finally there is a place where I can do commercials. Maybe not for the SuperBowl, but the next best thing. My blog. So, as you might see above there is a YouTube video. It was written, filmed, produced, directed and has a cameo of me. So, take that ad agencies. I just made my own commercial. I don’t need you. And I plan on making more. So go ahead, and make me less bitter by watching it, subscribing to my channel, leaving a nasty comment and making me internet famous, so I can do this full time.

ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH

Bitter Commercial Ben

37 thoughts on “Bitter Copywriter”

  3. YOU SUCK AT MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BITTER. LOL! Maybe it’s just the way I’m wired to prefer playing on the dark side but seriously first I giggled then I almost fell asleep and crashed my jeep into a light pole. The dangers of blogging and driving are intriguing to me, and also- heaven isn’t ready for me and the other guy is all like “hell no, you can have her Jesus. We good down here.” Awesome commercial and you are a damn advertising guru! #SELFMADE Have an awful Wednesday!

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  6. I almost never go to YouTube, although a fellow at work was for a while obsessed with the idea that SOME people make butt-loads of money on instructional YouTube videos. All you have to do, it seems, was figure out what you’re good at, film yourself doing it, and the money magically appears. But I’m sure you know all this, being a YouTube expert as I see you are. I am, of course, quite bitter about missing the YouTube boat.

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  9. If I weren’t already bitterly surrendered about the way my shameless self-promotion has failed because people don’t understand just how cool I really am, I’d be your full time promoter. I’d say “best wishes for your success,” but I want mine first and it hasn’t happened yet. So get in line with the rest of the people behind me, and when we reach our wild dreams for fortune (I never wanted fame), I’ll do what I can to help you out.

    Sincerely Bitter,
    Deon Mumple

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      • Bitter, not famous, and rich sounds like an ideal circumstance for me to be forced to live with. Of course, I’d probably hate it, not having bills or repairs, expenses, not being forced to go to Goodwill to avoid going around semi-naked, to bitch about, being so overwhelmed with income that I feel the bitter obligation to help other people and pay for my kids college educations, and maybe even having the bitter responsibility to hire someone to fix things around our house, or handle my parents’ (living) estate (lawn care, home repair, cleaning), etc., but if someone’s got to have that kind of life, it might as well be me.

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        • Right. You know if anyone is equipped to be rich and bitter it is us. Even though we would have all our financials taken care of, we could still find all kinds of things to be bitter about. First world problems are what I excel at.

          Liked by 1 person

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