Advantage: Oblivious

/ bensbitterblog

Guess what Comcast, “You’re Fired!”

There is a lot of crap going on in the world. I think. See for the last 10 months or so, I have had this weird phenomenon going on in my life. On August 3rd of last year, midway through the Olympics, I called Comcast and said, “Hey dudes, we are leaving. We are selling this house, selling a bunch of our stuff at a garage sale, and getting the heck out Dodge (well leaving in a Dodge Journey anyways). We are no longer in need or your services. You are fired. Now pack this box and this remote and get your stuff out of here.

We said goodbye to the high prices every month, the ridiculous fights over the remote, and the power outages that happened seemingly all the time. We also said goodbye to live sports like the rest of the Olympics, good television shows and just a nice background noise while we were playing games on our phones, tablets and laptops.

The best thing we left behind, besides the rain, was news. The news is the stuff that fuels my bitterness. The news is depressing, and the they only report the tragedies, but the worst is the personalities that tell us the news. Have you watched the local yokels try to read teleprompters? Or the street reporters try to make it through a live broadcast without having some ning nang try to interrupt them? They are all so bad at delivering the depressing craps we come to expect.

La di da di da…

But, really now that I have no access to these people, I have an advantage over all of you. I have no idea what is going on in the world. I used to have a little idea, because TV would occasionally blurt something out while I was watching sports, or interrupt my show with something that belonged on C-Span, but now I have no idea what is going on. Did Leo ever win that Oscar he kept losing all the time? What happened with MTV cribs? Did we ever get that MC Hammer crib tour we were promised?

Oh and Micheal Phelps, is he still winning gold medals? I think he was about to win one last time we had TV. Oh, and I assume Obama won again right? I think he was favored over Mitt Romney last time I checked.

You guys may need to update me from time to time on the latest Kardashian/movie/celeb drama on my MySpace.com feed or I just might not know what is going on. In the meantime, did you know that Andy became the manager of Dunder Mifflin? Oh, I probably should have spoiler warned you, but Micheal Scott decided to leave the Office to get married to Holly.

Trust me, we are going to get back to civilization sometime. I sold my 60 inch TV, with the promise of a bigger, better payoff (IE 70 inch 4K plasma and a man cave to go along with it). Maybe we will watch sports and shows and do our best to avoid the things, but the news will pop up occasionally and I won’t be able to plead oblivious anymore, but I will sure pretend to be oblivious anyways. I guess that along with an amazing TV comes the bitter responsibility of knowing thing again. And that is the bitter truth.

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Advantage Oblivious Ben

33 thoughts on “Advantage: Oblivious”

  1. I can’t stand the news, but Mrs M wants the background rumbling “All-to-Hell-in-a-Handbasket-Opera in B flat-minor.” So we have the tenor of the guy, the mellow alto and airy (headed) soprano of the girls, punctuated by the percussive sounds of morning traffic bumper-cars and car brass. You have the bass section sawing away at politics and World War III, a three-front war America is bound to lose eventually- Korea/China, the Middle East, and the various civil skirmishes here at home. Because everyone wants their way or they’ll blow something up or chop someone’s head off or yell how wrong and evil you are until you throw up your hands and say “fuck it, I’m done listening to you idiots.”

    So Mrs. M has the news with her half-cup of sugared-down, flavored-creamer-oiled coffee, and I have a cup of black, steamy, hot, delicious bitterness, enduring the news until she leaves for work and watching for the traffic lady because she’s hotter than my coffee. Alas, I’m very married and traffic girl is also emotionally entangled, not that our paths would ever cross. But for the lovely women in my life, (Mrs M and the traffic lady) I’d throw bricks at the TV, an expensive habit I’d like to be able to afford. The traffic lady is another expensive habit but I don’t think I could EVER afford that. Mrs M is expensive enough.

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    • That comment is worthy of an entire post. I will probably just steal it and call it a guest post. Well, if I wasn’t so lazy to figure out how to do it.
      I’m just glad my wife isn’t a huge fan of the news. At least you have the traffic girl to look forward to every day.

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      • While I’ve heard of people being successful with a career in plagiarizing, you have to have good material for that. Writing, Movies, Music, Painting, and today I read in Wine Wankers blog about WINE being faked, these might be good to try copying, but considering my product, I wouldn’t bet on success. Suck, yes, but success? Good luck with that.

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        • Appreciate the compliment. It’s encouraging and I hope I encourage you as well. Despite my bitterness and selfish desire to pass along or send back bitterness like a shuttlecock (just because I wanted to say shuttlecock), or a viciously velocitous spiked ping-pong ball, occasionally and randomly I find myself picking certain special people to pass along an encouraging word. You won the day. I’m out of encouragement, so wish my family luck as I’m going home soon.

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        • I’m glad that you are out of compliments for the day, I just wish you didn’t waste it on me. I am very good at not taking them and deflecting them into the ocean or other places where they won’t damage people.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. I used to tune it all out, too, preferring the bliss of ignorance. But the thing is, conversations are a lot more interesting when you know stuff. You know?

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  4. I haven’t had cable in over a year. I find that actual news once in awhile sneaks its way into my Facebook newsfeed. Like the post about this blog post of yours. 🙂

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  5. We still have tv at home, and I can’t avoid news altogether, but one thing I’ve totally given up on, is the weather forecasts! I must say it created quite a drama, especially at work where discussing weather is the perfect subject to fill in otherwise empty conversations. Some people tried to make me hop back on the weather train, asking me over and over again “Are they expecting rain next weekend?” or stuff like that.

    But, come on! “They” can’t even tell me for sure what will happen this afternoon. Why would I rely on them to know what the temperature will be like in 2 weeks??? Just yesterday, “they” prevented us of a tornado alert (nothing less…. remember, I live in Quebec, not in Oklahoma!), and quite dramatically (with red screen alerts, with an annoying background sound to make sure everybody would look at the tv).

    What happened? Nothing. No strong winds, no hail, not even enough rain for me to bother take out my umbrella…

    So, yeah, so much for people getting paid to guess how I should dress next month to fit the temperature, possible rain, snow or whatever!

    Ugh!

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    • Oh my gosh the weather. I remember when I was young it was something I liked to talk about, but when I got older, I started not caring AT ALL. I’m like I will figure it out when I go outside. And my time outside is so limited that I’m more worried about what the air conditioner or heater is doing. Besides, weather is the lowest common denominator when it comes to small talk, which I hate anyways.

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  7. I am *this close* to pulling the plug on cable TV. I hardly watch anything on regular tv anyway. And you can live stream a lot of stuff over the Internet now, including some sports. I like skipping much of the news, too. I figure if there’s a real emergency, somebody will come get me. Maybe…

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  9. I haven’t had cable in 10 years. I get most of all of my news from frothing facebook idiots and reddit. I generally check reddit news every day — well the comments. I like how a news story will get posted, and an actual expert will come on and explain why X is X, or if X is wrong.

    Plus the 24 hour news cycle gets kind of depressing.

    I remember when I was in high school (my parents MUST always have cable), watching the Michael Jackson trial 24-hour coverage on TruTV, back when it was CourtTV. And I was just hooked. I couldn’t look away. It was like a train wreck.

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      • Agreed. Sometimes I think it’s the 24 hour news cycle that makes people rabid and froth at the mouth. It’s what “radicalizes” them. And nothing good is ever shown, so it’s just continual bombardment with negative thing after negative thing. Especially when paying attention to news networks with particular biases. You don’t get get the “full story.”

        Like all this constant negative media about Trump and family. I wrote a post about how one of the Trumps could cure cancer, and people would spin it in a negative light or completely overlook it in favor of whatever mouth diarrhea word salad comes out of his mouth or on his twitter.

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        • It’s true. I think no matter who is in charge, the news is slanted toward one way or another and there is no way to know what is true and what is just opinion. What will affect us and what is just politicians talking about how 1% of the people should care.

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