Even though Father’s Day is like months away or something, I got a present I have been wanting for a while now. I’ve been saving up favors from Christmas, my birthday, and getting a job congratulations gift, so I could bundle all those into this one present.
I got a GoPro. It is so amazingly small that it can fit inside my hand and I can take pictures with. Oh wait, most cameras can do that? Well, this one can also take video. You say just about any camera, but a Poloroid can do that? Gahhh! Well, this camera can like be mounted with accessories so you can take first person view pictures and videos. Other cameras do that too? Frick! Stop doing this to me. Well this one is also waterproof. Don’t even say it! Fine, other cameras can do all that and more. Well, this one looks cool or something…I don’t want to talk about the features anymore.
The whole thing about the GoPro is that it is targeted toward the active lifestyle kind of person. The kind that go fishing and camping, and canoeing and hiking and biking and the sporty kind of person. Well, guess what? They just found someone outside of their target accidentally.
Get ready for a new segment of one that will be using your camera in a whole new way. Let’s call it the Sit at Home Pro, segment of people. We will use this camera to film me sitting on the couch. We will use this camera to film me driving to work. We will use this camera to film me sitting at work typing on the computer all day. You are going to see some of the prettiest, most spectacular looking boring stuff you have ever seen.
It is going to be some landmark boring footage. You will see some shaky footage of me falling asleep then staring at the ceiling for two hours until the battery runs out. You’re going to see some staring at the fridge to find something to eat footage. You are going to be looking at some great film of me watching the microwave count down from 2 minutes of microwave popcorn.
You are going to see water boil for 20 minutes. You are going to see me play games on my phone, and play games on my TV, and arguments with my son about how many pitches I have to throw to him before he can finally, mercifully go inside and I can lay down again. Get ready for some fascinating Truman Show like footage of me brushing my teeth.
The world around you is going to start to change, and you are not going to want to miss it. Hang on, because it is going to be one heck of a boring ride.
Jump on, before it is too late to take a nap!
ARRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Sit at Home Pro Ben
I think you need a new microwave. Those flashes look like sparks and that is not a good thing, In microwaves, anyway.
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Or they could be fireworks that exploded in my house and that would also be bad, but at least I got it on film for posterity.
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That sounds amazing. I’ve been wanting one to strap on my cats to see who keeps peeing in my house, dammit.
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We all know it is the cat, but it would be fun to see the pee footage.
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But I have 3. It is a bona fide mystery. Sneaky bastards.
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Thanks, Ben, but I think I’d rather go hiking, canoeing, biking, and camping. Have fun with your new toy!
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Um, I don’t have a bike, canoe, or a tent, so all those things are out. But I do have a TV, a couch, and refrigerator conveniently right within several feet of each other.
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Bitter and boring. Oh my, you are a catch 😉
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You know it. Why aren’t people lining up to sign me to some sort of superstar contract?
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I ask that about myself every day☺️
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It is a valid question.
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I think that content might be too hilarious to be bitter….
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It is me that would be bitter though. Because people would film me while I was doing it. I’d rather be lazy in peace thanks.
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I can’t wait to tune in! True story, I watched people watch tv on Bravo for 4 seasons.
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That is some sort of meta laziness that only few, like myself have attempted. I congratulate you for reaching such depths of laziness!
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Hubster said he considered if I had reached my peak of laziness but then he realized I could probably achieve a little bit more if left alone.
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Usually husbands are pretty good at leaving people alone to do their thing, especially when it is such an ambitious thing to be achieving. Is your husband one of the non lazy ones?
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He is, it can easily ruin a whole weekend of my drooling and staring at tv!
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I can’t handle when I get interrupted from naps and laying down being lazy. Especially when they are interrupting the gaming.
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Hubster does love gaming so I’ve secured him a new video game to play this weekend so that I can do nothing!
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That works with me every time. Did he have the chance to watch E3? I bet he’s got a whole new list after this week.
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He did, and I do have a list that was supplied! I don’t even know what E3 is, but I heard him yelling about it from his man cave
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E3 is the best. It’s like when all the video games companies get together at a convention and tell about a whole list of new games that are coming out that your husband and I will demand to get ASAP even though many aren’t coming out for years.
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He still has games on his wish list from three years ago that haven’t come out yet. I keep telling him the hope is dead but he clings to it. Damn optimist.
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Yeah, he should be more of a realist or a bitterest like me. And just know he is never getting that stuff. But just like an insane person, he will keep asking.
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Wow, it sounds like your blog is going to get like, 10 times more exciting!
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Yeah, I’m really planning to crank it up a notch, like maybe turn the remote control from 25 to 26.
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I promise to be bitter at this post as soon as I stop laughing. Can’t wait for the footage.
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I will get the footage to you as soon as possible. As soon as I can figure out how to get it off my computer and after my nap.
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