When we first moved to this place that we are living, we were worried about finding a place to put all our stuff. Don’t get me wrong, we threw away, donated or sold a majority of our things, but we still had a bunch of stuff that we needed, but didn’t need right now. You know, like dishes, and forks and spoons, and my 84 foot high HDTV that I wish we could have just used to replace this tiny TV we are using now. Luckily I have my own storage unit for pizza and the rest of the inadequate other edibles that like to pass themselves off as food. It is my belly. It is the best storage unit because it stores things that actually mean things. A lot of people don’t like to use their stomachs as storage units, but why would you want to get rid of all that perfectly good pepperoni pizza you had a few hours ago, when you can savor it in your stomach storage unit.
Anyways, now that you are completely horrified, take a look at some Friday Giftures.
That what he gets…
…for disrespecting the sanctity of the lazyboy by not lounging on it.
That’s why he gets for…
…thinking high fiving is still cool.
That’s what he gets…
…for stealing my food.
That’s what he gets…
…for thinking he didn’t have to get off his American Airlines flight.
That’s what Andy Slamberg gets…
…for thinking he needed a ladder to slam dunk.
That’s what she gets…
…for trying to attempt such a hard flip.
This is what she gets…
…for horsing around.
This is what he gets…
…for killing trees in front of other trees.
This is what he gets…
…for trying to achieve goals with his head.
This is what he gets…
…for trying to drink diet soda.
This is what he gets…
…for trying to overcome hurdles in life.
This is what he gets…
…for asking for help getting something down.
So this weekend, make sure you only put the most important things in your storage unit, namely pizza. Don’t let that gross stuff like kale and fruits and vegetables in there, because they will just go bad from neglect. Stay bitter, my friends.
ARRRRGGGHHHH
Bitter Storage Unit Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I’m sending this post to my Primary Care Physician. She told me I need to drop 40 pounds and get into shape. I replied that “Round is a shape.” She didn’t like that …
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She should just know that round is a shape. Unless she failed geometry.
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we have seagulls in myrtle beach, who attack every time you try to eat a sandwich.as soon as they see the wrapper come out of the bag, they surround you.it’s because people feed them bread and they have stopped looking for their own food and fishing and will die if people don’t stop…
and now here in brighton england they fly to the hotel window , every time we eat and stare at us from the ledge or a roof next door.
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Why do they stare like that? And what are you doing in Brighton England? Having a fancy vacation?
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sorry,i forgot to look here….they stare b/c they want our sandwiches.no, they want let us stay in america but 3 months,so we have to leave every 80+ days.
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You have to leave America? Why? Because the air is so polluted here?
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Reckon that hurdler could have saved himself some pain by talking to the girl who likes jumping like a horse …
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Yeah, seriously, I was quite impressed with the horse hurdler. I wonder if she is going to try for the Olympics equestrian team?
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She gets my vote …
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I’ll let her know that you will be a big supporter for her.
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what a relief to know that my stomach has some purpose other than just sending fat cells to my flabby thighs!
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My stomach is only good at storing pizza. It rejects everything else, which is why I have such a bad digestive system.
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You’re awesome. Great stuff.
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I wish I could take that great stuff and put it into a storage unit.
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It’s like my birthday every Friday; thank you for all the Gifs!
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I’m glad it isn’t my birthday every day or I would be like 10,000 years old or something.
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Then you would be a really bitter old man
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I’m a bitter old man stuck in a middle aged bitter man’s body.
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Bahahaha that guy on the obstacle course is like me getting through my Mondays. And as far as storage containers go, a few years ago my husband and I were driving by a storage facility and I was like who are these idiots who’ll pay for a whole room just to keep their belongings in there? Two years later we were moving out of the city temporarily and had to stick all our shit in one of those storage units for a full year. Now every time we drive by one, my husband says, “So honey who are the idiots who use storage units?”
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Yeah, we got lucky because when we moved here, my brother in law’s sister let us store all our crap in her basement for free. Otherwise we would be sucker’s paying to have our crap in storage too.
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Thanks for the laughs!
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I was hoping you would be bitter, but I guess laugh is okay too.
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Wow, can you eat my husband’s weight bench and like, the 5 million guitars he has sitting around our living room.
By the way, can I ask you a favor in return for all the time I spend drudging over this poor excuse for a blog? Can you vote for my band? You might be really happy to see we are coming in second. Please make us a solid second. Thanks.
http://metaldevastationradio.com/battle
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I finally voted for you band. And yes, it looks like you are in a solid second. How exciting. What do you get besides bitter for getting second place ?
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Do you really need anything else?
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Yes, a job, some money, a big TV, a theater room, some pizza, a winter home where I can be lazy and watch TV, and a summer home so I can be lazy and watch TV.
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Okay…good luck with all that…
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Where we’re going we don’t need luck, or roads.
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