Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Lamborghini’s vs. Tanks

/ bensbitterblog

No trouble attracting attention.

As we all hungrily (airs faced squarely in the air) await the Super Bitter Bowl today, to satiate our appetites for the predictably highest rated program of the year, let us look to one of the more interesting rivalries out there.

First up is the the “Lambo” as it is affectionately called, has a mysterious allure. With its aerodynamic lines and outrageous colors, it has built a brand of almost impossible speed and price. The Lambo is the Flash of Superhero vehicles. The possibilities are almost endless, with speeding tickets waiting to happen almost immediately out of the garage, to possibility of running it into a tree while trying to figure out how to shift from second gear to third instead of second to fifth. There is the anxiety of taking the car on a spontaneous cruise on a country road, only to realize that you forgot to fill up its gas tank, to the possibility that you could get a scratch at the car wash, while getting its daily car wash. The worst fate of all being the scary moment of a car that can go 200 mph easily having to go only 15 in stop and go traffic on the I-5. Such potential wasted, just like all those pizzas at Pizza Hut that get thrown out at the end of the night when they could be sitting in my fridge being lovingly appreciated, right before I devour them.

No trouble in traffic.

Then, there is the Tank, affectionately called Tanks. The complete opposite of the Lambo, this vehicle is raw power at its finest. The tank is not fast, aerodynamic, or beautifully colored. It is ugly, plodding and heavy. Its wheels more closely resemble a bike than a car, but this vehicle is the Hulk of Superhero vehicles. Unlike the Lambo, the tank is an almost indestructible force, starring in such movies as Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, to Goldeneye. Thanks to it’s raw power we’ve seen it wreck entire cities and intimidate even the most burly of men. And unlike the Lambo this vehicle will never be stopped by even the most infuriating traffic jams.

So which vehicle do you choose? The Lambo, that can outrun its problems, or the Tank, that can run over its problems? The Flash or the Hulk? Which one is prettier to you?

ARRRGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Vehicle Smackdown Ben

50 thoughts on “Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Lamborghini’s vs. Tanks”

  2. Pingback: Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Lamborghiniā€™s vs. Tanks ā€” Ben’s Bitter Blog – ajpromotions

  6. I saw a Lambo once. Its driver tried (please read it as TRIED DESPERATELY) to get it over a speed bump (sooooo hilarious! I usually know to behave, but I just stood and stared and snickered. Openly).

    A tank would simply knock the speed bump right back down into the ground. So yea. Tanks. For sure.

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  8. I’m not sure. With my driving skills, I’d probably have the Lambo scratched up the first time I took it out. Then again with the tank, I’d probably have everybody else’s cars scratched up the first time I took it out.

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  10. I have learned through bitter experience that it is a mistake to love your vehicle. You’re just asking for a fender bender or worse. That might make you think that I would choose the the tank,which is obviously less vulnerable to such problems and is arguably better for a few battle scars. However, that is not the case, as my true dream vehicle is a big old ugly pick up truck. Thank you for making me even more bitter about my cliche-ridden SUV. Your work here is done.

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