Me and Walter Elias Disney actually have something in common

/ bensbitterblog

 

Except other people watching you do them.

As you may not know, or care, I am in the bitter throes of anguish as I recently completed my short bit of schooling and am now searching for a job. Just so you know, in case you’ve never had this trouble, the only thing worse than having a job, is not having a job and having to look for one. It’s pure torture just like work, except you don’t get paid for it. It is mind numbing and death defying and humiliating. It’s like volunteering, except getting nothing out of it.

Filling out applications are like performing surgery, except a little more boring and lot more pressure. Writing a resume that lies properly about your skills just enough to match some asinine write up an HR rep get paid to sound like a job that is impossible for anyone to do(entry level job – 5 years of database analysis required), just so they can give the job to the bosses incompetent son, is like pulling a camel through a needle in a haystack.

By the way do any of you know if anyone is hiring in anything? (I only ask so I can say I networked or whatever.)

 

How does this guy...

How does this guy…

...and this guy have anything in common?

…and this guy have anything in common?

I bet you are wondering how the heck the most bitter guy in the world could have anything in common with the guy most people called the Happiest Place on Earth (or guy). Well, let me just tell you that I saw a movie portraying the life of Mr. Walter Disney and it was about his early life. And as you know, all movies are 100% true just like Wikipedia, so everything I say here is 100% fact.

Walt was a good drawer. He liked it pretty much from the beginning and did animation as a job. Then he got kicked from the program because they didn’t need that many people (#1 Walt got layed off for lack of work at the company. I got laid off from Little Caeser’s for lack of motivation.)

Walt started his own company cause he didn’t want to work for the man. Named it after himself. Hired his friend that also worked at the company, but got laid off. Did a lot of work for company, didn’t get paid very well for it (#2 I also did a lot of work for many companies, didn’t get paid very well for it), ran out of money and couldn’t even pay some employees. Then some employees had to pay him for his expenses and his company went belly up. Didn’t have enough money to keep company afloat and was homeless and talking to a mouse. (Perhaps, he should have used the mouse as a symbol for his company later on.)

Walt was out of a job now(#3 I am also out of one now).  I now have justification to say that I am just a few small breaks and a talent or two short of being a worldwide phenomenon. A future billionaire owner of a bitter dynasty that will make films, demusement parks, and merchandise that will clutter every closet, every under the bed storage, every chicken house, hen house, outhouse and residential house in the world.

Walt had to move to California. I was born there. (#4 We both resided in the state of California at some point in history.)

Walt took more money from people in order to start his business again. But this time he made his sick brother Roy handle the finances of the business while he screwed things up distributors and other financial guys. (#5 I also screw things up with people.)

While Disney was trying to get more money from distributors, employees were making deals behind his back to leave the company for competitors while Walt was taking care of business (#6 I also had a co-worker steal a Dilbert mouse pad from my cubicle while I was away. And it was animated.)

And last of all, Disney tried to enter the dangerous world of trying to date an employee at work. He failed miserably by actually marrying this girl and staying married to her for 41 years until he died(she spent a lot of his money). Me on the other hand, successfully ditched those girls who I dated at work, with only a punch to the head, an elbow to the gut, and a kick in the butt. But they never spent $50 million on a concert hall or $4 billion on Marvel, or Star Wars for $4 billion, so I came out better in this one.

Like this will make any money.

In the end, both me and Walt knew the struggle of trying make ends meet. But he moved on from that pretty quickly. But don’t sleep on me. I was talking to a hamburger just the other day, so you never know when the Bitter Burger Entertainment Franchise will pop up and you will wish you were nicer to me.

ARRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Gardner Franchise Ben

72 thoughts on “Me and Walter Elias Disney actually have something in common”

  1. When I first completed grad school — during which I was employed with jobs specifically for students — I was all, “YEAH! I’ll get a job within six months! This will be easy!”

    At first, I counted how many interviews I had.

    I stopped counting around 90 interviews. Resumes are no big deal. Competing with people with the same experience is.

    I have some hilarious stories, because I did pick up some crazy jobs along the way and just kept looking. But d’you know how, like, when you trip and scrape your knee you don’t really want to poke it on the first day? And a week later, you can poke at it, but it still kind of hurts?

    It still kind of hurts, even though the stories are funny. I’m glad I got the 90 interviews. I have no clue how I got into some of the jobs that I fell into.
    I have an awesome job now, but it will come to an end in a few months and then??

    My scabs will be picked.

    I’m really klutzy, so I understand if you don’t get this whole “falling with the scabs” analogy.

    Sorry that my story isn’t as uplifting as your very realistic comparison of yourself to Walt Disney. I just didn’t like when people were like, “You’ll TOTALLY get a job” when I was on interview number 20 and didn’t know I had 70ish more ahead of me.

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    • I can’t believe how many interviews you got. I can barely get an interview from all the jobs I’m applying for. I guess I need to start making up stuff on my resume so people think I can do social media.

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      • ugh. Have you filled out online applications that ask you to tell them jokes? Or to describe yourself in 140 characters *and be creative! ?

        If you get to those, just a hint: They don’t mean cartoon characters.

        Probably just start writing your resumes with lowercase letters, emojis, and lots of lol, smh, and ikr

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        • Maybe you should take it in another direction and use AIM put up and away message saying you’re looking for employment. Perhaps try to bring Xanga and MySpace back.

          I’m really good with advice.

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        • Yeah, if they saw I was unavailable on AIM, they would probably think I was super in demand and then think that they would have to go after me before they lost this unbelievable talent to some other company. I think you are thinking in the right direction.

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        • Yup. I mean, it’s how I at least GOT the 80+ interviews. I probably didn’t get the jobs because to answer the interview questions during the interview, I kept taking selfies and typing my responses in the captions. You should probably tweet your responses to the interview questions during the interview. It’s faster.

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        • I stopped counting around 80, so I’m pretty sure it ended up being in the 90s. Now, some of those did result in jobs. I just don’t want to talk about some of those jobs…

          :-/

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  2. Funny! Except if you’re really out of a job and looking for work. Then it’s not funny.

    I once sent out 48 job applications. Most hired from among their employees, and some of the job descriptions were so detailed that they had to be tailored to a specific person. After trying to months to find another job, I finally moved to another state to work for my sister’s business for a year. It’s true that when it come’s to getting a job it’s 95% who you know and 5% what you know. 🙂

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  3. Best thing I ever did was meet with multiple job placement companies that could vouch for me or put me in front of employers. They got me in when I couldn’t get myself in. It takes 30 days for every 1k you want to make they say. Good luck!

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    • Oh my gosh. Do you know how many adults would sign up to go to an amusement park where there were couches and TV’s and pizza’s delivered to the couch. It would be like the parent’s vacation after they took their kids to Disney.

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  5. Might I suggest Birthday Parties. Who wouldn’t want a bitter old bugger telling them they are that much closer to the grave. Or Divorce-a-grams? Or You’ve-Been-Evicted notices? Screw Disney? Cut your own stick, Ben. The world is your oyster

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  6. So glad to see that you are just like Walt Disney, Ben. I feel your pain, degradation, etc. Maybe if you go on a job interview where you just don’t care anymore you can use this line from Bill Murray’s great movie, Stripes. If you are asked if you have ever been convicted of a felony say, “Convicted? Never convicted.” That will get you a job offer hands down. Happy hunting!

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  8. BB, I feel your struggle bruh. I know you like to dwell in your bitter pizza coma as you roll around on the sofa and all but you my friend will find something soon. You’ve been in sales/customer service and you’ve got this in your pajama pocket…Hmmm, or are you shuffling around in Mom Yoga pants these days? Bet that looks hot. Ha. I crack myself up. Anyways, good luck on the job search. Wish I knew a CEO of a fantastic company in Utah but I’m afraid I don’t 😦 Well, for now, enjoy some video games and frozen burritos?

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    • Thanks, Lennon. I wish I knew a CEO too. Yeah, I’ve been walking around in my sweat pants and playing games all day. I pretend that the evil bosses in the games are applications and resumes and they are getting typed out if I destroy them.

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  13. The struggle is real. I hate my job and can’t afford to be alive, but I will kill myself if I have to go back to submitting job applications. Why does every one need JUST A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT format?

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  14. My favorite applications are the ones that make you type out your entire resume and then….attach your resume. I really think they do it to see who wants the job enough to go through all of that work. Hope you find something soon!!

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  16. Thank you for reminding me that I need to start trying harder to get a job.
    I’ve worked part-time before, but have to agree, filling out applications for the system does make me feel unappreciated and a dispensable pawn instead of a member of the same community.
    Stay bitter, all that may be gold does not always glitter.

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  17. After reading this I did some of my own digging and discovered I am remarkably like Barrack Obama. We are both American, and both of us have the letter A in our name. What I’m trying to say is thank you, because if it wasn’t for this I wouldn’t have known I was destined to become President of the United States.

    Liked by 2 people

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