Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Kangaroo pouch vs. Pant Pockets

/ bensbitterblog
Not the best transportation method.

Not the best transportation method.

The transportation industry is a 7.4 trillion dollar a year (according to Wikipedia in 2014, a reliable source if I’ve ever found one) industry with trains, planes, automobiles and duck bus getting us from point A to point B and across maps, and locations safely all day and all night 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Why is it that we pay these methods so much money when we have such inexpensive methods sitting right near us. I speak of course of the pockets that we have right on the clothes we wear. But which kind is better? The pant pockets or the kangaroo pockets that go across us on the hoodies we wear?

Where did I put my cell phone?

Where did I put my cell phone? Back right or left front?

First, up to the microphone, the pant pockets. They range from none of them on some skirts, to up to five on a pair of jeans. On a pair of jeans, you have your back right, your back left, your left front, and your right front. And just in case you have one extra important tiny need like a pebble, marble, or tiny key, you have one tiny extra pocket within a pocket in the right front. So what are the upsides of these pockets? Well, you have many options for transpo. You can put your wallet, keys, Ipod, smart phone, mobile charger, laptop, pencil, game boy, and Ipad.  Downside? When trying to get thing out to give to someone or use, you are always having to search each pocket to figure out which one you put it. Did I put the Ipod in right tiny pocket, or back left? Was the wallet in right front, or left back? It causes confusion, and lots or patting of pockets.  And I hope you never have to sit down. A wallet might slip right out, a key chain might poke into a leg, or a smart phone might start and run down 1%, which we all know is the apocalypse as we know it(especially to the 12-18 demographic).

For fashion sakes.

For fashion sakes.

So how about the kangaroo pouch? The upsides? One pouch transportation method. For those forgetful people, there is only one place you need to remember. No more searching each individual pocket and looking like a fool. No more having to decide things, like which is the optimal pocket for my smartphone, or holding up a line at the grocery store trying to remember which stupid pocket you put the wallet. And they mysterious vibes you get from people. What are you carrying in there? Why won’t you tell me what is in there? Downside? Well, you kind of look like a kangaroo momma, storing your joey in the front pocket. The awkward weight distribution making you fall over on a regular basis. And the suspicious looks you get from TSA when it looks like you are trying to transport another person across enemy lines to do dangerous things.

So, what is your preferred method of transportation? The evenly displayed, but hard to find pant pocket method? Or the one place to store it all, but front heavy kangaroo method?

ARRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Pocket Ben

48 thoughts on “Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Kangaroo pouch vs. Pant Pockets”

  1. I don’t know if you’ve heard about this yet, but every girl I know gets excited about dressses with pockets. I am one of them. In addition to this info, I prefer side pockets myself and the pocket within the pocket makes me nervous about misplacing items.

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  5. I am currently wearing my Perfect hoodie (it says “Perfect” on the front like a dictionary would – oh the hilarity!) and it has a kangaroo pouch. Which I’ll be using to stuff my pet gerbils in later, only because it would be cruel to put them in my pockets (especially since I’m not wearing anything with pockets today). So today, it’s kangaroo pouch 1 versus pockets 0.

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  7. I don’t put anything in my pockets. I wear pretty tight pants, and that’s why I bought a purse, am I right?? 😉. It’s a big purse: Mary Poppins style. I could fit a bazooka in there.
    I love all men’s pockets. They’re great for storing lipstick. Actually, maybe we should take a moment to thank men’s pockets for ensuring our men don’t revert back to the dreaded funny pack…

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  13. My vote is for a cross-body woman’s handbag or a man bag. But that’s just me since I mostly wear leggings, which have no pockets. Funny though, I bought a long top recently, and the saleswoman said it was one of her top-selling items because it had pockets, so you’re on the right track.

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  14. You forgot cargo pants! You have a cell phone pocket…..you have a pocket for your pocket…it is a one stop shop. It doesn’t matter that you throw your back out because one side is overloaded. The important thing is you are looking sweet!

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