When we left Seattle, I knew there would be some things I would miss, like my co-workers (because my aim is pretty bad). I also knew there were also some things I would glad to leave in my rear view. The constant rain, the insane amount of green, gray and trees, and the location of all the worst books in the history of bookdumb (Uh hello, Fifty Shades of Gray, Twilight and some other books I’m sure I’m missing.) They couldn’t hold onto an NBA team that had Kevin Durant, they couldn’t find a baseball team that could win after 2001, and there was all that fishiness. I mean, I’m sure some people enjoy fish for every meal, but I sure would have liked to have a burger every once in a while.
Speaking of burgers, you know how sometimes you want to have a delicious one, but since you are poor, because people haven’t given you back all that money they don’t owe you, so you have to go to McDonald’s instead? And you know how you can barely ever even get off the couch to go to the fridge, because you are lazy, but the fridge is empty and you need to eat? So you drag yourself off the couch and get in the car and drive down to McDonald’s to get a freaking McGreasy with a side of potato salty’s and water with a little Sprite flavoring?
Well, I used to think that the drive thru’s in Seattle were bad. And I was glad to leave them behind. Unfortunately, I was quickly indoctrinated with the knowledge that Seattle drive thru’s were below average, but they are still a slight notch above the abysmal ones here. In Utah’s drive thru defense, the people here may have their PHD’s in software management, but none of them have come close to passing when it comes to getting past their kindergarten education in drive thru’s.
Case in point. My wife and I were merrily shopping (just kidding, bitterly) for some stuff for our kids to unwrap and quickly forget on December 25th and got a little hungry. Since we were alone we figured we could go somewhere nice to eat, but just spent all our money on our kid’s forgettable gifts, so we decided that we must eat cheap crap instead.
Low and behold, there was a Taco Bell. It was late, but we wanted to go inside. Unfortunately, we were late for class by one minute and you bitter believe the 16 year old grease master detention teacher wasn’t going to let us in, cause if he takes an order after 9:01 pm, he might turn into a respectable teen that listens to his mom.
So we have to do the drive thru. Luckily, there was only one person in front of us, so it wouldn’t take but a minute or two right? Wrong. Remember how people around here can’t seem to graduate in the kindergarten drive-thru program? Well, the lady in front of us apparently didn’t study for her drive-thru exam and had all kinds of questions for the grease master detention teacher.
“Um, can you tell me what is on the menu?”
“Well, we have meat, and we have cheese, and we have taco shells.”
“What else do you have?”
“We have sugar mixed with carbonation, and several different flavor combinations. We call those things soda.”
“What was the thing with the meat and the cheese?”
“That’s one of our newest delectable dishes. We love it so much we named THE STORE after it. It’s a Taco.”
Back and forth, they went, while we waited impatiently, rubbing our hands together and mocking the crap out of a person that doesn’t know what is on a Taco Bell menu.
Then there is the history’s worst McDonald’s right up the street. How did they know to have the worst one in the history right next the bitterest person in the world? They must have known there would be some major fireworks happening every time I went there. I think they would have been better off selling fireworks than hamburgers. Because they suck at that. And they are even worse at figuring out how to take an order and simultaneously filling it. No joke…I repeated that I wanted a Sausage McMuffin three times and all three times a Sausage EGG McMuffin appeared on the screen.
Another time I ordered a Chicken Sandwich for my daughter and a Southwest salad with Crispy chicken for my wife and I get up to the window, and THE MANAGER tells me that he only has one patty of chicken and that either the wife or the daughter gets the crispy. Knowing that I don’t want to mess with either of those two, I tell him, “I’ll wait..” …until the world’s largest seller of chicken (even more than KFC) can pull their head out of their donkey (I assumed, of course they had enough beef).
And then there was the time I drove thru…their building. But that is a story for another time.
So what about you? What are you drive thru fails? What is your craziest drive thru story?
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Drive thru Ben
You always make me laugh. Thought about this today when I was at a drive-thru and the woman in front of me couldn’t roll down her window so she had to open the door to order and get her food. MADE ME CRAZY! I just feel like lady, go INSIDE! lol OH and the person that adds to their order when they pull up to pay. Seriously? I just want my chicken biscuit and coffee! lol
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Yeah, the funny thing is my wife reminded me of something even more ironic that I forgot to put on the post. The girl in front of us at Taco Bell, had a bumper sticker that said “Princess”, so that was probably why she had no idea what was on a Taco Bell menu.
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Lol!
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Princesses always get whatever they want.
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Totally
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You’re right. Paying to drive the highway makes me bitter. In CT, we pay property taxes for our cars. That’s enough.
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Property taxes for your cars? I thought that was only for houses. So bitter.
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Do toll booths count? My husband has the worst luck with them, and he is a bitter soul to begin with. Every time he pulls up to a toll booth, no matter how short the line is, we end up waiting. Either the person in front of us is in the wrong lane or the toll booth attendants are changing shifts. Aargh!
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Yep, you drive thru them right? And to be honest, should they really even be charging people to drive on roads? In Seattle they just started charging electronically, so you can get charged by SurprisE!
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Taco Bell has meat? Is it actual meat or synthetic?
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It’s actually meat flavoring, but it’s just easier to call it meat.
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The only thing worse than drive-thru customers is the mother at the ATM machine teaching her 4-year-old how to electronically re-negotiate the mortgage.
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Now that sounds like a wait I just can’t deal with. I mean it probably would have taken hours to explain all that to me too.
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does it count if it isn’t a fast food drive-thru? once in arlington, va. the cab took me to the bank. they were closed inside, so i went to the drive -thru and they wouldn’t allow a person without a car (Wachovia/ wells fargo) to use the drive thru and i had to wait for an hour for my cab to come back,b/c it was a scheduled appointment…
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As long as it involves driving thru and being bitter I guess it counts. I can’t stand these stupid rules that drive thru’s have. I mean just cause you don’t have a car, you can’t walk?
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i am bitter at both the bank and the cab .no, you can’t walk.you have to own a car.
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I am bitter at banks because they keep telling me that I have no money in them.
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me too and i’m bitter at banks , b/c they keep merging and changing their name every time i learn the new name
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I know. Citibank Washington Mutual of Omaha of the Outerbanks.
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i’m sorry i didn’t see this..i only have a few (5) pictures of people pop up on the R side of the page…the notification page doesn’t work anymore….and people had the nerve to cover you up….i know omaha steaks bank
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I can’t believe people would try to cover me up. I’m sure they just had no idea how bitter a guy could be.
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i can’t believe they would do that either.i bet they don’t cover up mutual of omaha steaks
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Or the Kansas City Barbecue balls.
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or the medford oregon harry and david pears
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Those Harry and David pears are not so sweet. They are, hmmm, how to describe them….bitter.
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i wonder if you are the only person to have a bitter pear from harry and david
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Probably. I think I would even find a Snicker’s Bar covered in sugar a little bitter.
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how about a snicker’s bar covered in ice cream
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That sounds great. Maybe someone should invent that. Or maybe their already have and forget to deliver them to my house.
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we can get a drone to deliver the ice cream to you before it melts
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That sounds good. But don’t drones cost a lot of money?
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not for you..they are free..or we can get harry and david to deliver them to you
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I would love that. Does Harry and David have drones to deliver things?
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amazon does ,so harry and david will be next…(we can’t stop singing the leggo song ,in our heads,from the movie -Everything is Awesome….
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I have my own version. Everything is Bitter…everything is bitter when you’re part of a team.
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oh that’s good..i’m going to start singing that instead..
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At least the words will be different.
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that’s true..same melody, different words
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After midnight on my 18th birthday, some friends and I, who didn’t have cars, walked up to a Taco Bell drive-thru and convinced them to sell us some burritos anyway. But no cool stories since then, since I am now basically anti-fast food and eat whatever is the opposite of McDonald’s.
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And I would be pro that too, if my fridge ever had food in it, cause going outside isn’t an acceptable thing for me.
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🙂
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That doesn’t sound like a drive thru disaster. You’re smiling. Or as I like to call it an upside down frown.
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Your emoji’s. I probably need to do a post of them soon. I heard from my daughter that they were doing an emoji movie, but then cancelled it due to all kinds of backlash.
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One time I tried to walk through a drive thru because the store was closed, and then they proceeded to completely ignore me. Good times.
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I’m sure they pretended to have some stupid law like “we don’t accept walk ups to the drive-thru by state law” just so they could get out of serving you one minute after they closed.
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Just another case of laws getting in the way of fun…
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A lot of things get in the way of fun. Like work, and other people.
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Let’s see. There are so many. The Starbucks that is conveniently near me never fails to have some Yoga Pants in a CIA issued Chevy Tahoe in front of me in the drive thru. She has to have a full blown discussion on where soy milk comes from, is it organic, what is the caloric content…who the f cares, lady? There is a pumpkin spice latte calling my name. By the time, I get to the window, 8 f’ng hours later, the barista, gives me a drink that I didn’t order with a cup that bears the name of Sarah. So, then we have to remake the drink whilst the people behind me honk their horns. It is a vicious cycle of hell but there are no other reasonable coffee shops in my hood. UGH!!!! ARGH!!!
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Well, you need to move to Seattle, where you can’t take a step, or drive a foot without running over the newest terribly serviced coffee shop. I’m surprised the water that came out of our tap wasn’t coffee with soy. Just more coffee places to be bitter about (like the coffee tastes).
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So disappointing. Seattle is the coffee capital of the world. Now I am bitter about that.
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I know. You would think that you would be able to get some good service around there because they have so many places and competition.
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Oh, well. Have you ever lived in Oregon? I wonder how the coffee is in Portlandia?
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I’ve never lived there, but I have been there. I don’t drink coffee, but I’m certainly bitter like it.
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Yeah, it is an acquired taste & it’s hard to find good coffee. The non bitter kind…
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The people of Portland are pretty bitter, just like the people of Seattle. Or it could just be me, that when I go somewhere the people always seem to be bitter.
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Hey, the people may be bitter but at least they are hip. You can’t take that away from them!
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Bitter hipsters. Yes. The worst kind.
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THE worst ever. Always telling you how bitter they are through their bad poetry.
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It would almost be forgivable if it wasn’t for the bad poetry.
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Right. We can never, ever forgive bad poetry.
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Not as bitter people we can’t.
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We can share the bitterness……
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I try to do that as much as I can. But for some reason people aren’t very good at passing it on.
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I pass it on wherever and whenever I can.
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I know. There really needs to be a bunch more people that spread it as much as we do.
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Start a revolution of bitter, Ben. However I believe it may have already been started.
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It’s going to be like the Women’s March, but with much more sitting on the couch and much more not making signs.
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Why not a kickstarter, crowdfunder, virtual type thing?
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Sounds like a money making scheme. I’m all in.
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Now the plan is complete…..
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Time for the money to start rolling in, but for me.
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Fingers crossed….
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As long as those fingers are crossed and not typing my password that gives you all my money.
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You know I have been watching Burn Notice so I am fairly certain I could find out….
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Oh great, now I’m hosed. Well, I guess you will be disappointed as I have no money in that account!
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Yeah. Found that out. Bummer.
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I knew it would make you bitter, so I’m glad you enjoyed my devious plan.
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Yes. I will bitterly concede. This time….
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One battle won for me, but not the war, huh?
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Just stay tuned…..
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I’m good at tuning out? Will that be helpful?
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Probably it would work better for me.
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What would work better for you? Sorry I was tuned out.
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Lol
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I am a tuner outer.
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I could use that skill.
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Yeah, you really should get good at doing some of this.
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Perhaps you can write a self help book or do a video.
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I will write a self-destruction book where I teach you how to unravel your life.
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That is a best seller. I think some people may be on their way.
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Most people think they don’t need, but they do.
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I’m sure I have plenty but can’t top this post! 🙂
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There is no topping my drive thru stories. But it is funny to hear other people’s bitter miseries.
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Scottish accent in Midwest USA asking for fries and getting ice cream!
Drive thrus are such an adventure.
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I’m pretty sure that fries don’t translate to ice cream here, but on the other hand, ice cream is pretty good. But fries are too. I need all the foods.
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We are never sure what we will get. As I said it’s an adventure….
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This is why it is way better to stay at home and not deal with people in a drive thru.
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I’m so sorry to hear of your drive through woes. It must be quite traumatic for you. Perhaps you can start a support group??
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You know it was traumatic. I mean, the worst part of course being that I had to get off the couch to go to a restaurant to get food.
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I’m tearing up with sympathy here!
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I feel your pain and it makes me bitter.
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Good, go to the bitter.
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Just like most people go to the light, I go toward the bitter.
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A friend of mine recently went through a Dairy Queen drive-thru and ordered a chicken basket. As she waited her turn at the window, the person in front of her paid, got his/her food, but then kept sitting there and seemed to be talking to the DQ employee. Next thing my friend knows, the person in front of her pays again and the employee promptly hands the driver my friend’s chicken basket, which must have been sitting at the window and enticing the driver enough to purchase it for him/herself. The driver leaves, a warm chicken basket nestled in the passenger seat, I’m sure. When my friend pulls up to the window, the employee says, “Ma’am, it’ll be just a minute on your chicken basket.”
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Oh my heavens. Do people turn into inconsiderate pricks as soon as they become a drive thru customer? I do my best to be angry after I get out of lines and bitter instead of making everyone else in the suffer.
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I have, in the past, been forced to honk at the inconsiderate SOB who won’t park and go inside to yell at the drive through about their order. It’s so annoying. Most of us go home with it and add the mayo ourselves.
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I just can’t imagine that someone would go to a Taco Bell and not understand that they sell Taco’s there. I mean really? Or some SOB that can’t figure out to get some Mayo on his burger? Like he needs to berate at 16 year old for his burger? He’s probably the type that yells at his wife for not having dinner on the table.
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