The greatest invention of our time, the World Wide Web, is a dark, devious place, where you can find terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things. Things like cat videos, Facebook updates from your “friends” and blogs that talk about bitterness. Yeah, there are a few good things that come from the internet, like videos of people falling over and getting hurt and people chucking their computers out the windows, and losing their jobs, or people getting in fights about politics on Facebook, and trolls, but for the most part everything on the internet is annoying.
The worst thing of all though is that friend in the corner that we don’t want to talk about. You know the one that is lurking there at the party that is just waiting for you to make eye contact, or the one on the sidewalk that is waiting for you to take off your headphones, or the person on the train that knows you don’t get off for 5 more stops, so they are going to trap you with their story that you don’t want to hear.
Yep, Mr. I. M. Clickbait. They entice you with little snippets of information that are super misleading like “Melissa McCarthy is no longer with us. Find out more….” Then when you are mad at yourself for being the last one to not know she is dead, you click on it to get the details only to find out they meant, “Melissa McCarthy is no longer with us…on CBS,” and then you find yourself in the swirling toilet flush that is click bait websites that won’t let you leave, give you viruses or make it so hard to actually read what you wanted, that you click on the X in the corner of your computer and promise to abandon computers until the end of time, until you see that crazy picture of a woman combined with her feet and you are stuck in the vortex once again.
Luckily, it is my bitter pleasure to present you once and for all a way never have to see these clickbaits on your computer ever again.
ARRGGGHHHHH
Bitter Click Bent Ben
Great readding this
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It was great readding your comment.
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I agree.. so much online deceit. See my post on Internet façades.
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Facades are okay in Hollywood, or on my blog, but everywhere else they are unacceptable.
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So true! I always swear I won’t fall for their lies again and the next day I end up in a spiral.
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I do too. And then I see something that looks so ridiculous I can’t look away, and all of a sudden I have 15 tabs open.
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We can make you more bitter by sending you cat videos? Pawsome! We’ll go check our library. Snoops and Kommando Kitty
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I would love to see that kind of thing. Cause it would make me so bitter. And that is the goal.
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Nice article 👍 clickbaits are so gay and spread so much lies!
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Click baits are kind of the worst.
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I think you just made Clickbaiting into an art-form. Well done!
(Also, I REALLY want one of those garage doors now!)
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I do my best to try to keep people more engaged in bitterness, and if clickbaiting can do that, it is helpful keeping people on my social medias.
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I’m impressed, but bitter because click bait.
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I just hope you enjoyed being in the eternal loop that is the click bait inferno.
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Don’t take this the wrong way, but kind of you to share.
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Oh you know, always glad to pass on viruses, as long as they go away from me.
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Clever but BITTER.
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That is just what I was going for so, bitterly awesome.
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You know what’s worse than click baiting? Hyper-sensitive crappy ad links embedded in a phone app that trigger when you attempt to scroll. Every day I’ll try to check my damn forecast and find myself learning the thing to NEVER eat to lose belly fat.
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Those sound like the second cousin or annoying aunt to click baiting.
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Click bait and fake news are making Facebook a hard place to be.
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Facebook is definitely a hard place to be. Too bad there aren’t less people on there too, because they make it hard to be there too.
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PS: Jaws is alive and living in your garage.
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I know. I keep getting swallowed up every time I get home.
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LOL you are too funny…
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I try to be, but mostly fail.
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When it will not open or has more than two popups, I’m done.
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They only need you once and they’ve got you. That’s how they are so devious.
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Twitter is the reason I thought Morgan Freeman was dead for like 6 months in 2013. Also why I thought Charles Manson was dead which made my Thought Catalog article totally inaccurate. Whoever is doing this needs to be stopped. *Flashes the Bitter Ben Signal at the sky*
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It will be taken care of my friend. I always respond to the Bitter Ben signal in the sky immediately. Immediately after I watch my TV programs and eat pizza on the couch of course.
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Benevision on the Benmobile (i.e. couch)
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That sounds awesome. To have a couch renamed after me. I’m thinking that we need to talk to Laz-y Boy about this.
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Dude… when I was coming up with couch-related names I was desperately trying to connect Laz-y Boy with your name, that’s so crazy. The best I could do was “Laz-y Ben” and though it has its merits, I found it wanting for my purposes haha but there’s definitely something there.
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I’ve always liked the Laz-y Ben, but your new name is awesome. I can’t wait until we put the whole recliner industry on its head and start this new business.
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You are a clever, clever man, Mr. Bitter!
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I do my best to get people swallowed in the very things I despise.
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Wait, wait–so Melissa McCarthy is dead?!
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Of course. You didn’t know that? It was in a movie of course, but she was so dead.
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Yes, the techies call their systems intuitive, which is code for annoying. Leave it to the ad guys to ruin everything.
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I think you should click on the link at the bottom so you can find out to eliminate click bait forever…besides mine of course.
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Okay, nice! At least it was just your Twitter site and not like, an endless amount of pop ups. I’m still a bit traumatized though…
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I was hoping you would be even more traumatized and bitter. At least I was hoping you would get stuck in the eternal loop, clicking back and forth between my Twitter and WordPress.
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Yes, Bitter Ben. I have been trapped in that hell known as click bait. Where I have been checking Google Analytics and I see a random traffic site that has visited my blog and I click on it and BOOM! Suddenly there is porn streaming from my computer or Donald Trump’s face superimposed upon Satan’s. So, I frantically try and get out only to be met with the blue screen of death. I run my security program and then all is well again. Until, I start reading a blog that I follow and I click on a link that tells me how to get out of the click bait 7th circle of Hades only to be met by that person’s pop up twitter site………
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Susan – Bitter on her ledge
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I tricked you and everyone! HAHAHAH! I did that on purpose. So essentially people will be trapped in my clicking scheme and totally give me more views forever! Don’t ever stop clicking!
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Bitter, Ben. VERY bitter…….
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My bitter plans are working. Every day you are getting more bitter.
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I was born bitter. You are just bringing the best of bitter out in me.
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I was also born bitter. Which is why I do my best to bring out the bitter to the world. Kind of a service that I hope to get paid for someday.
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You can! Work for customer services or collections for a bank!
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I’ve already worked in customer service. The greatest way ever to get bitter.
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That and retail in a store where you can experience the bitterness upclose and personal.
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Yeah, speaking on the phone or in person is pretty much the worst kind of job.
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Yes, it is. People complaining makes me bitter.
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Other people complaining makes me bitter, but when I do it, it is just a part of my bitterness.
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Yes, you are right. It is a direct result of the bitter affliction.
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Of which I am permanently stricken with. It’s actually a disease named after me. Bitter Ben’s disease.
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Yes. I acquired BBD after several years in retail and call centers.
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I wish there was a cure, but unfortunately you are looking at 40 more years of bitterness that you will take to your grave.
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Yes, and I knew that when I acquired the bitterness.
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The only thing you can do is spread the disease, which is fun in its own right.
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Bitter AND devious.
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My deviousness knows no bounds. Welcome to Bente’s Inferno.
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